Been in this 10 years. Been married 25. I am a small time breeder with only 4 dogs residing here and a couple co-owns elsewhere. This hobby is putting a huge strain on my marriage. Throwing in the towel would be the easiest but this hobby is a real passion of mine. Anyone been there and done that? Help.

Most of us have been there. I do believe that dogs have caused the breakup of three marriages I know of.
No man wants to feel like they are second fiddle to a dog, or a dog hobby. There must be a huge effort to balance and juggle the hobby and the husband.

I think the disappointment of a missed breeding can be very stressful or running on and showing a dog that doesn't pass clearances or anything that causes a financial drain without a chance of recouping can cause a strain for sure.

Anything stressful is hard on a family.

Some things we can control, and some we cannot. We need to get Wisdom, which comes from God,(read the Bible & pray) and learn what things we can change, and what things we cannot. (The senerity Prayer)

If the dogs or any other hobby is first place, it will fail.

If the spouse or kids are first place, that will fail, too.

God should be #1, and everything else falls in place.
The order of the family is important. God first, Husband, wife,& kids.

Also, if we have a hobby that we like (such as dogs, hunting, fishing, golf, bball, painting, etc) Our family members should support us, and that may include some stress at times, but not all the time.

Balance is the key. Too much of any hobby is a problem, and Familys out of Order is a problem.

So you have to decide what the real problem is?

Oh please spare us the sermon. If I wanted to hear about what your God has to teach us, I'd go to church.

I've found that these things come from within-not is some false belief that some entity can magically make things better if you believe in them.

The bible was written by men, for men and about men. It has some good teachings, but our true strength comes from within. Believe in yourself and your partner-things can work if you want them to.

The Bible is the inspired word of God. Written by men as the Spirit of God upon them told them what to write.

"All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right." 2 Timothy 3:16 (NLT)

The Bible contains the solution to every problem.

There was a time I thought that I could solve lifes problems by myself, but when a firey trial came my way, I soon learned How great is our God.

I think the problem in your situation *hope* is you don't put *Family* 1st. If you don't, you'll never make it in any relationship long term. My family includes my humans and dogs. My marriage is working for over 3 decades. My husband and children are part of the kennel help but we don't have a kennel fulla dogs. We keep what we handle and we all work together. Notice the word *we*!

Stop bible thumping and preaching especially the Serenity Prayer which is usually used for alcoholics or addicts.

You should know better than to do this on here. They'll eat you up and spit you out, this time for an excellent reason.

How sad that your hubby doesn't enjoy the dogs as much as you... I know of several marriages where the husband could care less about the showing but still loves the dogs; others where when the wife goes to shows, she has to hire someone to feed & care for the dogs as the husband just doesn't care about them at all. Intstead of looking at the dogs as the cause of your problems, I would look at them just as a symptom of the disease- there are probably bigger issues at play here. Good luck- fixing a marriage is never easy.

There were probably problems with the relationship before the dogs came in. You might have been seeking love and fulfillment you were not getting, and gravitated towards the dog hobby as a result. If a spouse discovers a new hobby that brings joy, in a healthy marriage the other spouse would embrace what makes their loved one happy. If your spouse took up running and spent hours training and then every weekend traveling to races, where would you be? If it were my spouse I would have been cheering him on, looking up new recipes that were good for runners, buying funny running t-shirts for gifts, maybe even trying the sport myself. If it made him happy I would be happy. But my spouse didn't have that philosophy. I could have taken up needlepoint and he would have resented it. The marriage was in trouble before the dogs, and the dogs made a convenient scapegoat for him.

If your spouse wants you to give up something that is so fulfilling to you, what would happen if you did? Would he love you more? Or would some other stress point become apparent? Would you become resentful if there was no dramatic difference and you have lost a decade of breeding progress?

Don't make any big decisions yet. Keep the dogs, keep the marriage. Go to marriage counseling. Find out what the underlying problem is. Then figure out if it is repairable. Also talk to a lawyer now - your spouse might spring a divorce on you and you should do a few things to protect yourself and your assets just in case. This is especially important if you have children.

Hopefully there is something that can help fix the marriage - but be realistic. It may not be within your control.

I tried giving away dogs when I was trying to save my marriage and made one huge mistake placing one of them that I regret to this day. Even giving away dogs and cutting back on shows and breeding did not help my marriage. Counseling was only helpful in that it showed me how determined he was to try to hurt me. Turned out he had been looking for an "out" for a while. It was devastating.

Now, after going through the nightmare of divorce, I am happier and more fulfilled than I ever have been. If I had realized how oppressed I was I would not have agonized and struggled for so long.

Best of luck to you - be strong and be realistic. Again, don't make any big decisions until you understand what the full picture is. Protect yourself just in case you don't get to make the big decision. In the ideal case you can save the marriage and the dogs and find a joyful balance, but life is rarely ideal.

I am sorry it's not working for you. My husband tried the dog show world when we got our first dog and after deciding it wasn't for him, encouraged me to enjoy my hobby and he found something to entertain himself with. We've been married nearly 10 years and grown to 6 dogs plus co-owns. He would have rather stopped at 1 dog but he's fine with it. He's sad when we miss a breeding or when we think our dogs should have won over some other dog, and fortunately he's that rock for me telling me not to get upset that crying won't change a thing. Money is tight, but we both work, pay off what needs to get paid off and still have some extra for each our interests. I do think it could be very easy for one or the other to get very resentful of ANY hobby if the other person does not have any interests of their own and is not the type of person who can stand entertaining themselves. I was single for many years before marrying in my mid 30's (late for most folks I know) but by then I didn't need a man, but luckily found one that completed my life.

I do agree that maybe counseling would help if both of you are into it.

Sit down and talk openly with your husband or wife. My husband seemed not to like breeding but when I asked him, it was the smell which he did not like. I was using newspaper at the time and switched to wood shavings. Get specifics from them and see if you can change the specific parts they do not like. Even maybe feeding and exercising dogs when they just get home can make them feel 2nd place, this can be changed. A good open honest discussion is the best place to start.

As for the person who posted "Believe in yourself and your partner-things can work if you want them to" as an RN, I've been too close to too many dying people and I can tell you when dying "believing in yourself" gives no joy or hope - I have witnessed over and over again that only the Christians died happy and at peace - I, like "Hope" am staking my life and future on the work of a dear Someone much much greater than little me.

Don't forget, this great country was started by "Bible thumping" people. Which book did colonial children learn to read first?

The God of Hope wants to give us hope, and fill us with Joy & Peace. Our God will do this, (in us, to us, thru us, & for us)by the power of the Holy Spirit, if we will respond to him in faith.

Prayer Changes Things
(I will pray for you today, and want to encourage others to pray for you)

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13 (NIV)

Communicate... Communicate.... Communicate!

If you don't, it will bite you in the butt. Trust me. It bit me, and I wasn't even married.

I have been married for 34 years now and "in dogs" for about 30 of those. The dogs have put some strain on the marriage a few times and we have worked through it. It is my hobby, not his so I do not expect him to care for puppies, pick up poop, or do anything more than love them and play with them (which he does daily by playing ball). I never leave when I have litters on the ground or keep more dogs than he has put as my limit (8). That is the give and take.

He will feed and care for them when I am gone to shows overnight but I keep that to a limit also (about 3 - 4 specialties a year). When I sense that he is getting frustrated with my dog activities and the time I am gone, I scale down for a while and make sure we spend time together doing things he enjoys.

It is all part of compromising as I do want to keep my marriage intact. Because of this I will never be a "big time breeder" which is fine by me. It keeps peace and harmony that way. He knows that this is my passion and is supportive - most of the time. I am OK with that too.

I believe you have to keep priorities in order and as others have said, try to get to the root of the real problem.

Good luck.

Nancy:
Excellent reply. The best to you and the original poster.

What part is putting on the stress?
Financial? I pay for all my own dog expenses by working 1 1/2 jobs.

Space? I am the first one to feel the pressure of too many dogs. I don't like a dirty house or to have my house and car stink like dogs. It is possible to keep dogs and houses clean but there comes a point of overload where the scales tip. You have to know your own point of overload.

Time away from family? I always felt that it was kids and family first. If you can't put your kids and family first, don't have any DUH. I also never drag my kids along to shows. My husband and kids hate dog shows so we make arrangements for everyone to have something to do the weekends I show. My husband has his own hobbies and I support him and encourage him to enjoy them. He plays with the dogs and loves on them but I do the clean up, feeding, and all puppy care. My hobby=my responsibility.

And if it ever came down to the dogs or my marriage, I'd have one pet and the rest would find homes. My marriage and family first. We are going on 30 years.

If you don't want your passion for your dog hobby to put a strain on your marriage....take up a horse hobby! Dogs will be a welcome relief!

It does not matter what you have as a hobby, if the man you are with does not get pleasure from watching your joy then you are with the wrong man. No man that is in love with a woman would ask her to give up a passionate hobby like this. If you must make this marriage work, get a extra job to pay for it , and see if he still tries to control your life !

I too wish my husband enjoyed my passion for dogs, and I envy of those couples out there who share the love of labs.

I find it helpful that he has his own dog. In my case, my boyfriend does not agree with where labradors have gone - "Fat Sausages with no legs" are his words. So obviously being new to the "my girlfriend breeds Labradors", he has now experienced what I breed, and how they are an all rounded purposed dog, and hes starting to like them. But he still looks at other breeder's dogs and says "the day that you let your dogs look like that, I dont know what I will do". He just doesn't clearly understand that everyone has their own views on what the Labrador should look like, and thats okay. Because if we were all the same, that would be damn boring!

So I told him that if he thinks my dogs are getting too fat, then that means he's slacking on his morning runs ;)

However, back to my original point, him having his own breed of dog helps. Shes a dumb blonde in a grey coated suit :)

It also helps that he knows that if he won't let me have my labbies, then I'll start onto having kids ... and well he certainly does NOT want that hah.

Can't you please stop shoving this religious stuff down others throats? You can pray silently, in church or temple and in your own home. It need not be on a posting board. Yikes! Why are you doing this?

My husband did, too ..... his secretary.

Why do some people get so offended by any reference to God? Nobody is shoving anything down anyone's throat. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you don't believe in it, then think of it as a fairy tale. Perhaps people who do believe are offended by your idea that they should have to shut up. Don't get your panties in a wad about it. Just move on.

I think that the fact that it is a thread about keeping your hobby AND your marriage intact and has nothing to do with God, but the proselytizing continued. It wasn't really helping the original poster with their dilemma.

Good relationships do not just "happen", and no amount of luck or faith or whatever is going to keep them intact - good communication and continually working at the relationship are key. This is true for any relationship, not necessarily a marriage.

It has everything to do with God. I bet that advice would help her more than the rest.

Not to be religious but AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My dogs are my sanity and I would not give them up for anything or anyone. I'm sure however that the problem lies deeper than the dogs. Mine did