Kathy - I just noticed your posting here instead of on the main School Refusal postings. I have moved it over so that more people can read and give you help - see my comments also...

Hi!

I'm so sorry for everyone. My daughter is 15 and is the same- all the above. Just got her into school this morning at 10, and staggered home to sob hopelessly!

We are waiting for CAMHS and despite a recent suicide attempt they still haven't seen her to do any kind of assessment. She talks of feeling trapped in school and was happier going to her old school where there were no locked doors (she though) but the bullying was much worse. Our social worker has talked of attachment theory to me, so I'm going to look that up- heard of it in babies/toddlers, and she was sort of anxiously-attached then, but I haven't thought about it since. Maybe it's a teenage manifestation of that, kind of rearing it's ugly head again?

If I come across anything really useful I'll post.

It's very hard not to get bogged down in all the things they're preventing you, the parent, from achieving, isn't it! I sometimes forget that this is 'life', as we go along, I get into a pattern of thinking that at some future point 'life' will start, when things are sorted, but then I remember that my own mother still suffers when I suffer, so things don't somehow stop hurting because your child is automatically sorted out forever once they no longer have to go to school! Maybe this awful experience is actually an opportunity to re-investigate what the relationship we have with our children is made of; what contributed to that anxiousness, and what tools we can give them and ourselves, to overcome it.

It doesn't feel like that today- it feels like the end of the world because I didn't achieve her going to school at the arranged time, so she'll only be there for an hour, and won't go into a classroom, and hates me for taking her.

Can anyone advise me about anti-depressants? Bad idea? Good idea? For me, for her? I'm going to see about CBT for me this week- assessment on Wednesday and then a long (probably) wait...
Ruth

Hi Ruth

I sent you a long reply but it somehow got stuck in cyberspace and did not arrive as a posting!
I might cut and paste your posting across to the main active thread under 'school refusal 'so that you get more people respond. I wanted to say big hugs going your way - and hang in there - you are doing all you can and you are a good mum. You are not alone. I'll reply long again later and mention the mediation my son is on.
Take care
Linda

HI all

I'm a single dad struggling with a 15yr old Daughter who has symptoms of School Refusal. Every morning is a fight, just trying to her her into school, and so far she has an attendance record of 33%. I have the Education Welfare Officer around each morning, to help get her into School.

Shes, suffering with depression and anxiety, and has been rejected by her Mum and her Mums Family for coming to live with me. She is also a victim of domestic abuse from her mother.

We have other medical complications, which don't help so often she is genuinely in pain. I feel like I'm being pushed hard every day to get her into School. Education Welfare are trying to help but there is always the threat of Court Action against me.

We're up against it, CAMHS is an 18month waiting list, my daughter is a victim of domestic abuse but the local council haven't funded any services with regards to helping with children. I have already complained to the MP.

I'm not sure of where to goto or what to do next, to get her the help she needs. When shes in school shes a fantastic student.

Are there any charities or any other organisations that can help us both ?

Hi Andy

Sorry to hear how hard things are for you and your daughter at the moment. Don't feel you are on your own. There are lots on this forum who can relate to your story. It's an emotionally roller coaster ride you are on by the sound of it.

Often it seems that the court threats remain just threats. There is an article in the resources section of this site about s judge who threw a school attendance case out of court a few years ago in the UK. Worth showing this to whoever threatens you with court next.

As for trying to force your daughter to keep going to school Sometimes this just isn't the way. It is just too stressful for you and your daughter. Schools still have to try and provide an education and so can sometimes provide tutors or at least try and find things that do work. The group Parent partnership might be able to give you more details about your right in regard to this.

I am assuming you and your daughter have talked to your doctor about her depression? Has medication ever been mentioned?
Sometimes it takes the edge off the anxiety and depression and helps them take those small steps forward. Your daughter has been through a lot by the sound of it and has a lot of weight on her young shoulders. It must be very hard for her to face each day.
There is another group in the UK, Young Minds...but you have probably been in touch with them too? They support teenagers and parents of teenagers suffering depression.

I am sorry I don't have any knowledge re charities that might help but you could perhaps also try and get the school and your doctor to try and get the wait for CAHMS shortened due to your daughter's immediate needs.
Hang in there. You are doing all you can and your daughter needs to know you accept where she is right now and that you are doing all you can to get her the help she needs. And don't forget support for yourself. Do something nice for yourself or that you enjoy as often as you can and talk to friends and family or come on here and talk to us. Always someone around to help and give you support.
Take care
Linda
PS most people use the other thread under school refusal. I might cut and paste your post there if y don"t get many replies here.

Hi Andy,

If you haven't tried them already, I would recommend YoungMinds.

As well as a really helpful website, Young Minds have a parents' helpline. When I was in a similar situation to you earlier this year, they were fantastically helpful. I spoke to a volunteer CAMHS practitioner who was so supportive, gave me really practical advice and informed me about our rights as regards education and treatment.

Best Wishes