My Wish List:

I feel we need more alternatives to mainstream schooling that cater for BRIGHT young people- many of the smaller/ alternative centres in our area cater for learning difficulties and diagnosed behavioural difficulties (ADHD etc.), neither of which is appropriate for the majority of school refusers.

We need educational professionals to stop pointing the blame away from the educational system- Mainstream school IS scarey.

Most of all, as parents and students we need to be believed and listened to- just because someone says a fear is irrational doesn't mean the fear isn't real.

Ellie - I couldn't agree with you more and referred this site to a number of professionals who should be aware of its contents, but have had no response. Feel, like you, that the issue should be up for debate.

I totally agree with you, the comprehensive system is too big and to open to all the peer pressure. I have a bright young son, who finds it a bit boring and I think he would be better being supported in another way. There is a definate need of shake up of the way the children are being taught.
I took my son for a Mensa test and he came in the top 4 % in the country and the school was not interested.

I have just found this site, how wonderful to find parents who feel the same way I do. My daughter is in Year 11 about to take her GCSE's, she has been a School refuser/phobic since Year 7 and we have had very little help from the 'professionals' who seem to think my daughter is 'pulling a fast one' and just cant be bothered to go to school.
I am hearing about more and more children who have this fear, there is definately a need for smaller units to help. We eventually got some home tutoring in JAN 09 from the Integrated Suppport Service but it is a battle and they push my daughter more and more to attend school. She only has 5hours tutoring a week and is expected to take and pass her GCSE's on that! ISS have a unit in Heybridge which is full of 'naughty' children who dont attend school purely because they have been suspended etc, they are taxied there and back but we who have 'school refusers' as children do not have such luxuries, we are made to beg, fight and be very persistant. I have heard that I am not very popular within the school and ISS but it is purely because I have had to fight every step of the way! Our children are bright, intelligent human beings who deserve to be treated a lot better than they are!
Oops, didnt mean to shout but I'm sure you all feel the same way I do.
Good Luck everyone.
Sue x

Hi All

As I read everyones responses i have come to thinking that it's a shame that everyone doesn't get the same help for shool refusers no matter where they live. Living in the South Glos area we are fortunate to have two learning centres, one as you say for the "naughty children" and the other for those with emotional and anxiety problems. After great support from our school we have been refered and my son has been accepted to attend, it's only 3 half day sessions as they are over suscribed. They tend not to do full days as they realise it can be too much for anxious children. As well as school work, they work in small groups on building up confidence with slow reintegration to mainstream school when they feel ready.

Its a slow process but hopefully its a step in the right direction. Education for us isn't a priority (he's only in yr 7) we just want him to feel happy about going to school like he did when he went to primary.

Thanks for listening
kirsty.

Hi Everyone,

Kirsty, I'm so glad your son has been accepted at one of the smaller units in your area. It will be so good for him, not just for his education. I wish we had them in our area (Essex). My daughter has been fine with the home tutoring, but sadly I dont think there's been enough of them for her to do well in her GCSE's in May this year, hopefully she will get the grades needed for her to have a chance of going to college.
I just wanted to mention that its not only education that suffers when they are anxious and dont go to full time school, it the social side of things. Over time my daughter has gradually been excluded from her friends social lives. She's not at school and so they dont think of her. Shes not confident enough to ask to join them. She tends to suffer in silence and stays in with me the majority of the time. Sadly she hasnt been invited to the school prom which is very upsetting for her. She's lost all the confidence she had, although she is happy in a one to one situation.
One of the reasons I'd like her to have the option to go to college is to 'catch-up' on life! I'd like her to go and enjoy her time as a teenager and do all the mad things that teenagers do.
If there were more smaller units for our children they would at least get more social interaction with others.
Keep smiling everyone.

Sue x

Hi Sue

Just a thought but my friends sister's son(if you got that) refused school in the year of his GCSE's, he either didn't take them or got low grades, but the fact was he was accepted into college to do his GCSE's again. He also lost contact with his friends but made a new circle of friends when he changed locations. So don't worry about the social side of school refusal, things can easily change and even if one new friend is made it's a positive step in the right direction.

Kirsty xx

Hi Kirsty,

Thanks for that, I feel sure that if she can get into college it will open up a whole new world for her.

I just wanted to mention that I feel you are doing the right thing for your son, too often we question ourselves and wonder why this has happened to us and quite often we feel it is our fault. No one ever says, " you are a brilliant parent, just keep going, you'll get there"

My daughters counsellor said that 'small steps' were needed and she would get there. You are helping your son take small steps and I know he will get there ...... wherever it is he wants to be.

You are a brilliant parent Kirsty, just being on this site shows you care.

Keep smiling!

Sue x