Hi, I have just stumbled across this site, and thought great, I may see some light into the problem I have with my son. I guess he is a school refuser. We had problems back last year and the school was not very supportive. He attended school until middle of October 2009 and hasnt been since. I have taken him to the doctor and we met up with a counsellor who said that he needed counselling. I had arranged for him to attend a different school and he went one day and no more. He is very clever and we cant quite put our finger on what is the problem there, and the school or education welfare officer have not been interested in helping..because there is no *problem* I expect many others of you have had a similiar experience. My son is in year 10 and wants to be a doctor. Any advice will be much appreciated

Cally,

It looks like you have already tried a number of options, and I imagine you are wondering what you can try next. I wish I could come up with some magic solution, but I do not have one.

It does seem that many of the children who are 'school refusers' are intelligent, and we, as parents, have high hopes for them. And, of course, not attending school gives us additional cause for concern. However, it seems that the priority right now is to help your son, and the rest of the family, have a less stressful life.

You say that 'the school or education welfare officer have not been interested in helping'. This is worrying, because they have a legal responsibility to you and your child, just as you have a legal responsibility to ensure your child receives an education. I assume the new school is in the same education authority as the previous one? So there is a continuing line of responsibility? One moan that I trot out from time to time is the failure of the various bodies (health, education, social work, etc) to get together to work out a strategy with us, as parents, and our child. They were prepared to do it when another of our children was involved in a serious accident, but not for our daughter, who had no visible 'injuries'. Probably, at the key moment we had run out of energy. I really think this is something to push for.

Others, on this website, have offered each other advice (and, importantly, support), and I am sure you have looked through some of the suggestions. If there is something you particularly want to follow up, do get in touch.

Meantime, look after yourself.

Yours,

Simon

Hi Cally
Our daughter is also year 10 and has been a school refuser for 4 years now. We have seen various counsellors and Doctors but she still has an overwhelming feeling that it is 'too hard' and we are no nearer 'putting our finger' on why. Like your son she is bright and keen to learn. It's a bit like someone who wants to travel and see the world but is terrified of flying, and just can't get on the plane.

Despite my comments above about counselling, it is a good idea. You will find plenty of comments on this site recommending Cognative Behaviour Therapy (CBT), which gets great results for many youngsters.

The other thing I regret to say is that, based on our experience, you will need to be very persisitent and insistent with those in authority, and push for assistance. The truth is you will need to make others see your son as a priority. They are correct in saying he is not a problem, but he is important and he should be getting their best support.

Hope this helps.

Keith

Hi there,

Just a thought but have you been refered to a CAF (Common Assessment Framework) panel. My son has refused school for about 8 weeks now (year 7), the school have been fantastic and put in our referal for us.

Basically it is a meeting where frontline services meet up to discuss your case, and from there a plan of action is put into place and monitored until the problem is sorted. After our CAF panel it certainly felt that we were going somewhere. Adam has now been refered to an educational unit that will build up the self confidence that is at an all time low at the moment, for a short term, then will follow a programme to be reintegrated slowly back to school.

Hope this helps, i too have only recently found this web site and forum and it is such a relief knowing that other families are going through this too.

Bye for now, kirsty xx

Thank you all for the advice. I have had an email off our EWO and she informed me , she now thinks my son is a school refuser, as he went to his new school for 1 day. She has wanted to know what counsellor we are using, as I have been paying privately, since we had a meeting at the doctors in December 2009. My son attended the new private school for 1 day, came home excited and full of it. Went to meet his friends, and missed the train and didnt attend on day 2. He then failed to attend the rest of the week. I have the opportunity to send him to a private boarding school, where he wouldnt get the opportunity not to attend, and if its the fear of going through the school gates, then he is on the premises. As many of you have probably experienced, I am tearing my hair out, trying to do the right thing.
regards
cally

Cally,

We eventually decided that a boarding school was the answer for our daughter. It is not a cheap option, as you will know, and there are times when we wonder if that is the best use of our money.

BUT, the school have been very, very supportive on both our daughter, and us as parents. They knew what they were taking on, and, indeed, had girls with similar difficulties making their way through school. The school is just as proud of some of their pupils achieving C grades as they are of those achieving As. Many schools just focus on getting best exam results (we looked at some of those!) and are unwilling to support those with difficulties. Our daughter knows other children who go to boarding schools, and knew of this one, so that eased the change from state education.

She started as a day girl, (110 miles round trip) then worked up to 2 or 3 nights in school, and then finally 4 nights. Sometimes we still do not manage 5 days, even now.

During the boarding bit, she often had duvet days, or part days - it was not all plain sailing. However, the school is comparatively small, and so they did have an opportunity to work with her to get her into class, and support her in difficult moments.

Cally, I hope that helps, but if you want to know more, please do get in touch.

Yours,

Simon

Hi Cally,

Like you our EWO didnt want to help either.
I eventually asked our GP to refer my daughter to a Child and Family Consultation Service, I think they may be referred to as CAMS ??
I also went on the County Council website and typed in School Refuser and thats where I found the Integrated Support Service. When I mentioned it to my daughters Head of Year, she admitted that the school could refer to them, due to my daughters lack of attendance at school. (why didnt they do it then???) Also you may find the SENCO at school may help you or refer you to the TASCC Team.
Sadly none of this information is forthcoming, we've all had to search it out for ourselves and I believe all areas are different.

I'm sure that now you've found this site, we will all try to offer you our support or help point you in the right direction.

I only wish I'd found this site earlier, its brilliant!

Good Luck Cally.

Sue x

Just an update for your site. I took my son to a counsellor, he also tried out a boarding school, which he was adamant he wasnt going to. He went for a trial for 2 nights and came home , wanting to go there. I then had to arrange the funding, so with some help off family members and I am now going to sell my house, I have sorted this out for him. He has attended since April and is a much happier boy, smiling, interacting with us, instead of being stuck in his bedroom.
I was wondering if anyone knows if I could get any financial support off the Education Office? I rung them and got told no...But they didnt offer me an alternative for my son.
I really think the Education system or schooling system needs looking at, because there seem to be a lot of children that are not 'fitting in'.
I still havent got all the reasons why my son didnt attend school, out of him, but I think he was just so unhappy with it all.
cally
I wish you all well and that you all get your children sorted

Cally,

By the time we got our daughter into a boarding school, she had been signed off from the education system as she had turned 16 (it might be different where you are?), so got no help there.

However, the school provided a bursary. We realised some assets (part of my pension fund)to find the rest of the fees.

Simon

Cally
I'm so pleased your son is doing well, it's such a relief when they go back ( my son did for 6 months last year ) Funding is an issue as i have found out. My son now attends a unit for his education but only part time but what we would like is for the school to transfer the funding to the unit so he can go full time. Everytime I ask for more hours anyone would think i was asking for their souls !!

Good luck with it all.

Sarah x