My son has been school refusing for over 3 years -now in Year 7.Waiting for CAMHS referral but verbal diagnosis of AS from paed. We do usually manage toget him in school after a lot of work from us but often late.We've had to reorganise our lives and jobs to achieve this. This morning he was an hour late and his teacher told him he would get an hours detention if he was late again. Is this right? We thinkit will makethkngs worse. Anyone got any advice?

It seems to me that this is a teacher who does not understand the nature of the problem.

Without knowing the nature of your relationship with the school, it is difficult to advise, but assuming that you have previously discussed your child's difficulty with the headteacher, you need to ask him/her to have a word with the teacher to ensure that he/she is supportive, and not confrontational. I wonder if this is a standard school response for other pupils who are late (without good reason). The school needs to consider how they work with children who have difficulties attending school.

My experience, and that of many who use this website, is that we need to work at the child's pace - which clearly you are doing as you say you have reorganised your lives to help him.

BUT - how would your son react if he were kept in? Might a bit of one-to-one teaching at the end of the day be well received? Or would he just refuse to go in the next day?

There are others who might be able to help you to get the 'system' working better for you. It sounds like you are having problems getting the support you need - something we suffered.

This is obviously a strain on you all, so take care of yourselves too.

Simon

I was so sorry to hear about the teacher in your sons school and the threat of detention, even though your son had obviously made great efforts to actually get INTO school.

Unfortunately not all teachers seem to be aware of 'School Refusers' and the difficulties and anxiety they experience by doing something others find so easy.

Have you tried speaking with the Head of Year? You need their support. I found ours to be very helpful, even though I had to spell out to her the strength of anxiety suffered by my daughter. I also gave her name and details to one of the professionals involved at CAMHS so they could communicate, because I felt I was coming across as an over-protective mother. The Head of Year was very good, especially after she'd had a call from the professional, she ensured all who taught my daughter were aware of her problems and not to put too much pressure on her during lessons etc.

I certainly dont think your son should be threatened with, or attend any detentions, as it will most definately make him more reluctant to attend school the next day, explain this to the Head of Year, so there will be no misunderstanding, as any threat of detention etc. will just cause more anxiety to an already anxious child.

Take care and keep smiling.

Sue x

jwud,
After we had visited the paediatrician and got a verbal diagnosis of depression and possible chronic fatigue (caused by stress), I asked my doctors for a copy of the letter that the paediatrician sent them regarding our referral visit.
I then took it into school and sat down with head of year and explained what paed had said and gave them a copy of the letter. Since then the school have bent over backwards to help my daughter. The first thing they did was to take all pressure off and do things at her pace. This was back in November. It is now March and my daughter has sucessfully attended school everyday for the past two weeks. Some days she is late in but the main thing is she gets there eventually and they are really pleased to see her. If she misses work she has the option of staying after school or taking work home to complete when she is able to.
All the teachers have been informed that she is doing her best and some days are harder than others. Her self esteem has increase because she feels they are all 'on her side' . I would urge you to have a meeting with the head of year and take any evidence of diagnosis with you. It may help when you go back to the paed for a follow up if he can write to the school too to enlist their support.
Schools and their teachers have a duty of care for ALL students. Many people have no idea what it is like for a child who is struggling to make sense of how they are feeling. They need to be informed, otherwise they just remain ignorant.
Good luck, hope things improve soon for you. x