my daughter refused to go in today,I have spoken to the school who have advised me to see the GP and then get refered to CAMHS. What should i expect from CAMHS, do they offer real support and advice. Am i doing the right thing? Should i dicipline/ground my daughter because she has refused to go to school? Any advice greatly appreciated.
Sarah

First things first, Sarah. If I remember correctly, your daughter is 12. She is at the stage where she will be making friends that may last for the rest of her time in school, and who will be important to her in tough times. Don't do anything that breaks those ties. She will need their support as much as she needs yours.

You would not be punishing your child if she were being physically sick, so be careful how your respond to her refusing to attend school.

Our daughter suggested responses we should make. One such suggestion was we remove her laptop (which she needed for school). I had to give it back when one of her teachers sent her an email!

However, I still think that some form of proportional response is required. If she cannot go to school, she cannot go out during school seems fair. But if she loses contact with her friends, then they will not be there to help her into school next time. Our daughter would disappear to her room, and hide under the duvet. We would try to dig her out and at least join us for meals.

I have just received an email that says this: CAMHS were useless at first, then we changed psychologists and then wow how supportive they were. There are several similar comments scattered through this forum. Our experience was that they opted out at a time that they were just beginning to built a meaningful relationship with our daughter. but I still think it is worthwhile using them.

Keep track of all these contacts and suggestions, so you have a record of how things are progressing. Try to get your daughter to keep a diary too. You can use this to inform CAMHS and others of progress

Sarah, you are having a tough morning, but we are with you.

Simon

Hi Sarah,

Tough day hey? I personally don't think you should punish your daughter. She has no idea why she is feeling this way but the feelings are real. We all find that one of the difficulties is due to not knowing why this is happening or what caused it. Just accept that it IS happening and let your daughter know you are on her side, you will get through it, I promise.

Looking back, my daughter and I only had a few appointments with CAMHS in Year 7 and with their advice and a part time timetable, we got her back to school. I now see, that when it occurred again in Year 8, I may have made a mistake, as I decided to go down a different route and I paid privately for counselling and with help from the Head of Year and a part time timetable again, we got her back to school but only for a short while.
On reflection I feel it may have been better to go back to CAMHS because then you are 'in the system' and they can give you the support you require, and have contacts with other agencies, otherwise you may end up like we did, battling to get things done yourself.
I thought I was doing the right thing at the time and I've beaten myself up about it many times believe me.

As Simon suggested keeps notes of all dates, conversations, letters etc. I had a file which I took everywhere with me, you never know what you may be asked and it always feels good to have all the information to hand.

Whatever happens, you just have to do what you feel is right for your daughter, you know her better than anyone else. Hugs are good!

Take care Sarah.

Sue x