Hi everyone

well thats us on to our 3rd day back and I still cant get my son back in. I'm looking for your views please, at last school meeting I brought up the subject of home teaching, my son is being taught maths after school hours but in school, you all know how difficult it is to get our children into school, and I thought asking the teacher to come to our house for a few lessons might help my son to become more relaxed with teacher then hopefully get him back in after school, the teacher is a supply teacher so is not employed by the school so he would be free to come to our house, the psycologist was dead against this as she feels it would encourage my son to stay at home and not attempt to go to school, I dont agree, every day is so different for him and some days he can go to after school easier than others, at the moment he is not going anyway so I feel we have nothing to loose. She said it would be up to me to contact education authority but she would not support me at all in this request.

Look forward to your feedback
Dorothy x

We used private tuition, but not in the home. Our daughter went to the tutors' houses. It certainly helped keep her brain working, but it also had the advantage of getting her to attend (not always!) appointments.

There was another advantage - the tutors were sympathetic and supportive.

These days we must think about 'Disclosure'. Nothing is straightforward is it?

Hi Dorothy,

My daughter had home tuition through the Integrated Support Services, who are part of the Education Service within the County Council. We were referred by the school but that's only after I virtually begged for some form of help.

ISS invited us along to an interview and we were 'accepted' onto their books, sadly we were made to feel as though we shouldn't have been asking, but thats the situation all the way through this experience isn't it?
Apparently they are meant to be a short term measure, while people such as CAMHS would work with my daughter to get her back into school, but I insisted that she continued with her private counsellor, much to their annoyance and this was brought up at every six week review, making me feel like a terrible mother, but I was doing what I thought was best at the time.

I feel the home tutors were very good, it helped my daughter continue with her studies and took some of the stress away. She only did 5 subjects, an hour of each a week, which I guess is better than nothing.

I've just asked my daughter how she felt about the home tutoring and she said she hated it, because she just wanted to be 'normal' and go to school like everyone else but she didnt like what people were trying to make her do, in order to go back to school - it was all too scary. Its a catch 22 situation and as my daughter says, sadly she doesnt have any friends now. (It breaks my heart).

Don't let that put you off Dorothy, all in all I think the home tutoring was a good thing and I would definately go down that road again but I would work with CAMHS as well, if I had the choice again, it just wasnt explained to me properly at the time

Good luck - whatever you do, will be the right thing for you and your son.

Sue x

Thanks Sue

We worked with CHAMS for a year then they discharged us saying they had gone as far as they could with us, that was about a year ago now. I only want the home tuition for a short time to try and regain my son's confidence with this teacher, he will, hopefully, still attend school after hours for english and computing, he has a total of 6 hours a week, 2 for eng, 2 for maths and 2 for comp, his computing teacher has been off sick for about 6 weeks, I texted her today, just to let her know we were thinking about her and she replied by saying that she hopes to be back soon, and to tell our son not to worry, that she would soon have him back up to date with his computing, she is a star. I did phone education department today, she was very supportive and has promised to look into my request and get back to me as soon as she can.

What stage is your daughter at just now?

take care
Dorothy x

Hi Dorothy,

It never ceases to amaze me, when the professionals decide to discharge our youngsters because they have gone as far as they can. If the ‘problem’ still exists, then we still need help! What do they think we will do when they cease input? …… would they cease input on someone with a physical illness? I think we all know the answer to that one don’t we?

My daughter is 15 and in Year 11, she has been suffering since Year 7. She has hardly attended school over the last 5 years, some ‘school years’ she didn’t even attend 50% of the time, but not one person asked me where she was or why she wasn’t attending. Who checks the attendance figures?
Meanwhile I was trying to get help everywhere but because they couldn’t 'see' a problem, my daughter was thought of as a naughty girl who chose not to go to school and I was an over-protective mother who chose to let her get away with it. Sound familiar?

Finally, when I begged the Head of Year 10 to help us, as I was very concerned about her lack of education, we were referred to ISS. My daughter has had home tuition of 5 hours a week, since Jan’09 and is about to sit 5 GCSE’s and is hoping to go to Art College. (Art has been her saving grace and has helped her during the really stressful times).

I am so proud of my daughter, she has managed to come out of this, a well adjusted young girl. Who knows how college will go but at least she wants to try.

I hope our story proves to you all, that although sometimes it is tough and seems never ending, there is light at the end of the tunnel and you can come through this and go on to a better, happier future.

Smiles!

Sue x

Hi Sue

I am a nurse and obviously symptons play a big part in our diagnosis, when you look at all of our children, they all have the same 'symptons', as has been said throughout this site, reading each persons story is like reading our own, but still we have to fight every step of the way to try and get help for our children, it is so draining, but still we carry on.............................. It is so good to hear your daughter is doing so well, as I said my son has 6 hours tuition a week, at school but after hours, when he can manage to go in, but he is only studying 3 subjects, he is 14 almost 15 years old, a year behind your daughter. You are so right to be proud of your daughter, she has done so well, but please dont forget to take some praise yourself, you have been there every minute of every day with her, holding everything together, when inside you feel everything is falling apart, well done.

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi everyone

I've just had a call from school to say that they will agree to the tutor coming to our house untl the end of may and then hopefully back at school after that

Take care
Dorothy x

That is really good news, Dorothy!

That's great news!

I'm really pleased for you and your son.

Sue x

That is good news.

Penny x

Has anyone else heard of ETHOS? They're supposed to give tuition and their aim is to try and get your child back into school.

My daughters CAMHS doctor told us about it and referred her to them but today I've been told by the school that we have been turned down for any help! How can they do that? My daughter has been diagnosed with anxiety and she hasn't been to school since March. Surely she is entitled to an education.

Hi Dazza,

I've never heard of ETHOS, from what you've told us they seem a good idea but impossible to get their support.
I'm guessing that your CAHMS doctor will continue to support you and get your daughter the help she needs.
Please don't worry though, as you know my daughter didn't go to school for all of years 9,10 and 11 but with just a little tuition a week for approx 9 months, she managed to get enough GCSE's to get into college, where she is making up for time lost and making new friends.
It's a horrid time you are going through but our children are bright and will get there, they may just take a different route to other children.

Take care and remember to keep smiling!

Sue x