My son has just called me at work to say he doesn't feel well and that he doesn't think he can manage his lesson this afternoon. Logic should say everyone from time to time feels ill - fact, but why have I go this feeling in the pit of my stomach !! I haven't felt like this for quite a while. He assures me it's genuine as he is enjoying his lessons at the unit so why am I feeling like this ? I'm sitting here at work and can't think straight. I do believe him but it brings back all the bad memories.

Sarah T

Hold tight Sarah.

He called you, so he is thinking of you as well as himself. He did not just walk out - he wanted you to be part of his decision making process.

Maybe he is unwell, or maybe it is a blip. If the latter, we expect that. Yes, you are worried, because both are a cause for concern, but you know in your heart that he will be OK.

We often feel we are in a crisis situation, but our children do not necessarily feel that - for them it is on-going and something to get through.

So hold tight!

Simon

Thanks Simon I do feel better now. He called me because I was due to go and take him, and having spoken to him again think it is genuine.

So who has the problem with anxieties now - me or him ??

Sarah

Sarah T

Sorry to hear your having a bad day, I suppose its hard for us to determine what is anxiety and what is not.

I have just had a call from education department to say that, they are withdrawing the maths home tuition as my son would not engage in the last 2 sessions and if he doesn't go into school next week for his after school tuition then they " are pulling the plug on that as well". As you can imagine my first reaction was tears, but now the anger is setting in, how dare someone make a decision about my son's future without even have met him. She is now going to contact the school to see what next step may be. Has anyone any suggestion as to where I now turn?

Take care
Dorothy x

Dorothy

I'm so sorry to hear that - how has your son reacted ? Not quite sure if you have one in Scotland but do you have a Parentline Plus who can give you advise ? If not e-mail me and i'll give the one down here a call for you. Also there is a Childrens Legal Helpline and they are very helpful.

Anything i can do please let me know.

Take care, both of you


Sarah xx

Dorothy - just told my son about whats happened - he wants to know if you would like him to call and have a chat ?

Sarah x

Hi Sarah,

Sorry things have turned upside down today. I think we probably all go into 'panic mode' when we get calls like that. We tend to forget that they can have poorly days like everyone else.
Your son seems to be a good lad, I'm sure he's just under the weather, don't panic, you'll be back on track in no time.
I'm here if you need me.

Sue x

Hi Dorothy,

I was so sad when I read about how they may pull the plug on your son's tutoring. Once again the professionals have come up trumps!! If only they could spend a day in our shoes .......
I'm not sure who I would turn to next, when they took my daughters Maths lessons away, I was so cross I was going to contact my local MP, not sure he could have done anything but he may have know someone who could help me. As it turned out, we were so near to the exams, I just let it go, I'm not sure my nerves would have let me do anything else as the stress had actually got to me by then and was taking its toll, so I do understand how you feel.
I think Sarah may have the answer with the Childrens Legal Helpline, they may have some answers for you, give them a call, you have nothing to lose.

Take care.

Sue x

Just thnking-Sue mentioned going to her MP although didn't need to in the end - do we know of anyone in the forum who has contacted the Minister for Education regarding SR's ? Not sure who the new minister is or if they have appointed one as yet, but i think it's about time the problem is highlighted to them, does anyone agree with me ? please post and let me know as I don't mind sorting it.

Sarah x

Hi Sarah,

Yes, I'm all for highlighting the School Refuser/Phobia, count me in!

Sue x

Hi me too!

Thanks again, Sarah and Sue for support, no matter whats going on in your own lives, you still have time for others. Sarah say thanks to your boy, its much appreciated, I'm still trying to get my head round this, spoke to psycologist told her how angry I am and that my son is not a number that the education board can dismiss at any time, looks like we have another fight on our hands...............

Take care
Dorothy x

I will e-mail you my telephone number so if you ever want to talk just give me a bell. We are all in this together, you are not on your own because i know that when i need help you will be there for me.
Take care

Sarah xx

Count me in too.

I am looking to change direction in my career. I am hoping to move into a pastoral support role supporting pupils and parents. Not sure how I will help as I am struggling myself, but if nothing else I will have empathy!!


Penny x

Hi Penny

I think that would be great - empathy is what parents need, an understanding ear. Think about it - when our children started to refuse who understood ? Good luck and keep us posted.

Hope everyone is having a better day

Sarah xx

Good Luck with that Penny.

I too am changing jobs ..... moving from a Primary School to a Counselling Foundation. I start next month, just administration but I feel its the right place for me now, and as you say, we have a lot more empathy than some!

Take care.

Sue x

hi all - i don't want to count my chickens but................ since my son has been refusing he has only stuck to a few close friends and has been very shy if he ever sees other kids from school. Anyway, a couple of old friends from school have just called for him to see if he wants to go to the park........not only has he gone but there about 20 other boys from his year there all playing football together ( he would never have gone if he knew they would all be there ) and he's joining in fine !!!!!!!! it's made my day.

Sarah xx

Wow! Sarah that's great news!

Isn't it funny when we find such 'normal' things so exciting?

I'm really pleased for you and your son ....... long may it continue!

Happy weekend everyone!

Sue x

Penny

Dont put youself down, I think you will do well in a position like this, good luck

Take care
Dorothy x

Sarah

Thats fab, what a rollercoaster life we all lead, we spoke to education psycologist about situation yesterday, she was very sympathetic, said that no one person could make decision like that it would have to be decided at meeting, she has arranged a meeting for a week on Tue, someone from education dept will be there, a bit more positive. My boy went into school to meet with support for learning teacher then went to meet youth leader, he has agreed to do some more volunteering at the stables on Wed..........................and he seems much happier tonight.

Thanks for your phone number, I will be in touch, boys seem to be getting on well, I think they are good support for each other.

Hope you all have a good weekend

Take care
Dorothy x

Dorothy - you are very welcome and please give me a call if you need to talk.

Does your son ride as you meantioned the stables ? if so that's something else the boys have in common. Since "M" has been refusing he hasn't ridden - something else he has lost confidence in but loves just going to the stables and helping out. You seem to have made headway with your son going in to meet the support teacher - well done.

3 hours later and shattered he's back from footie - he's not played for ages and hasn't really said much but seems quite happy and asked me not to ask a million questions !!

Well going to have a long soak now - been along week.

Take care everyone

Sarah xx

Hi Dorothy,

Good news about your son! He's getting on well isn't he? I'm so glad you've found someone talking sense at last! Hopefully the meeting will go well for you.

Here's to a relaxing and happy weekend for you both.

Take care.

Sue x