Some of us have begun the process of identifying early signs of school refusal - if there are any!

However, it would be good if we were able to pick out one or two signs that might help others at a later date.

My contribution is dropping out of after school activities, eg Brownies/Guides and piano lessons. Is this a common theme?

Yes my daughter was keen to join all the available clubs from the age of 5 ie. ballet, gym, swimming etc but she never made it through to the end of the 6 or 8 sessions. She always gave up halfway through.

She eventually became hesitant to go to birthday parties and was happier if any sleepovers were at our home rather than her friends home.

Also from and early age she has always been happier with one special friend rather than a group of friends.

Sue x

Gosh, yes!

Sleepovers were a problem. I remember late night calls to come and collect her, and having to limit alcohol intake in case there was a call out.

Simon

Hi everyone,

Its amazing how much you forget, sleepovers, neither of my children were very keen to go to sleepovers, but yes if my son did go, we would always get a call to go pick him up, he always preferred to have one friend at a time when he was younger, his last year of primary the class go on an adventure week, mon to fri, my son went quite happily but we got a phone call the first night to say he was upset and wanted to come home, we travelled up to see him, an hours journey each way at 10.30 at night, we chatted to him and he agreed to stay, although we told him we would come back at any time, his teacher said he did well during the day but was really uptight at bed time, but he still managed to stay.

Simon, how did your daughter get on today?

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi everyone,

Isn't it interesting that our kids do and did have similar signs and yet for most of you the SR bit didn't kick in until later. Perhaps having siblings or both parents helps get through those primary years?
Interesting that my son has actually gone on sleep overs (almost couldn't do it due to the stomach pains before hand) and once there - was fine - no phone call home. After much trauma and with his Dad involved as well - he did go on the school camp (2 nights away) last year.He has drum lessons and plays with a local football club....but it's touch and go each week whether he gets to them (both his choice to join). I do try my hardest to get him to these as I feel that if he chose them then he must actually like them. And when I drag him crying - afterwards he always says thanks for making him go! Not the same for school but it is interesting in light of what we all go through that he was actually glad that I made him.
Linda

My first sign was his first day at school !! My son had been in nursery since he was 18 months old so I thought starting school would be simple - nooooooo where all the other children lined up - the odd tear mine ran off and shouted he wouldn't go and only after a real struggle we managed to get him in - a process we had to repeat all week. ( he did manage 7 years before it happenend again ) My son has started many activities and lost intetest after a short period of time but did manage to go to a PGL in year 7 but sleepovers are a real no no !! Anyway have to go as need to speak with school as they want my son back after 1/2 term !!!!!! it's all going to start again !!

Sarah xx

It went well, thank you, Dorothy. We now have to wait for the verdict. When I look back at the early days...I don't know how we got here.

Simon

My daughter too did lots of out of school activities and always prefered to choose clubs that none of her friends did as she said she liked to keep those friends seperate. She would walk into a new activity on her own and by the end of the first session would have made new friends.Some of these she is still in contact with. When she turned 13 it all started to fall apart .She gave up everything, even the drama which she loved. It is so sad. . The SR started just before the activities stopped, it was so gradual that it wasnt until nearly 3 years later that I realised it was SR.

Penny

This thread re early signs is very interesting for me considering my son is only 10. I'd love to read more. I also note, Penny, that my son joined a club where non of his friends were. I thought the idea of fronting up to strangers would be too much for the anxiety...but perhaps the peer competition if he joined a club with friends was worse? I really wish I could get my head around this so that I could for see a few more things! Today my son is going for half a day and to see him get up bright and happy was worth the concern about why I did the deal for yet a second week!
Another thing my son hates at school is special days - dress up as your favourite character/favourite football colours etc. He so often doesn't go on those days although now he tends to go in school uniform instead.

Simon and Sue - you have given us hope! Well done to you both and your children and your families. The relief to get this far must be enormous. Please don't leave us......we want to know how your children go.
I sometimes gain strength from seeing Stephen Fry - I know he has bipolar - but he really didn't get the schooling - yet has enormous intelligence - and despite the depression and anxiety etc - has done very well for himself.
We don't all have to go down the road that everyone else takes - but as parents - we worry so much as we have no idea what this might mean! I am sure Stephen Fry's parents were beside themselves with worry. I have told my son the story of Stephen Fry (who he loves from QI) and he seemed pleased to know that someone so famous had had so many problems.
Have a good weekend everyone - before we challenge another week :)
Linda

Linda
It must have been wonderful to see your son get up ok for school - it seems so long ago that we experienced this, although he loves going to the unit I wish I could broker a deal for him to go to school. I recently purchased the book School Refusal in Adolesence as mentioned by Daz and it mentions School Refusal Clinics in Australia - not sure if they are all around the country or limited - have you come across them ?
We are all on half term holidays next week so have some rest from it all.
Hope everyone has a good holiday

Sarah T xx