Hi everyone
I have a year 8 son who just cant go to school. His school was not to good at the beginning but now helping much more. They have just let my son have a tutor for a couple of sessions in the home, but now they want him to go into school, still one to one in a room on his own. My son can not cope with that at all and the school have now found a place outside the school where he get meet a tutor twice a week. My son is still refusing to go. Do I make him? Or do you think I should push the school for more lessons in the home?

Hi Claire,

I am sure some of the others on this site are better able to give you some advice re the age of your son and what are some of the possible ways forward. I do feel for you and hope that you can move forward soon.
I note in the case of older children - it seems that forcing them to go to school is not really an option? In the case of my 10 year old it is still an option and works the best. If he has days off - he finds it impossible to go back and becomes quite hysterical - but once he is there he is ok and the next day becomes quite easy - until the next hurdle. Our kids all seem intelligent and easily put off by either expectations from others or themselves regarding school work or the social environment. Cognitive Behavior Therapy is something you might want to try to help. All the best,
Linda

Hi Claire
I'm sorry to hear your situation, but I do know what you are going through as this is just a mirror image of my son who is now in year 9. Our school are now being very good and trying to help, but they were not so good at the beginning ( nearly 3 years ago ) He has also had lessons in another room at school but due to a lack of communication that failed and now goes to a unit in town for lessons - only 2 part days per week but he loves it. Anyway how long has your son been refusing ? is he seeing CAMHS and do you have an Education Welfare Officer involved ? Both the latter have helped me a great deal.

Take care

Sarah xx

Hi Claire,

Welcome!
I feel for you, its so difficult isn't it? I think, you have to be seen to be trying, to get your son to do as they ask. In my experience, the 'professionals' like us to try, even though we know some of the things they ask of us, are clearly not going to work.

If you cannot get your son to go and I doubt you will, then tell them and explain how distressed he is and maybe they will compromise with you a little, at least for a while longer. I've found that a lot of the problems we had, were caused by the professionals wanting to push things along too quickly.
It's all about small steps!

Good Luck, stay strong you'll get there ...... oh and let your son know you are on his side, he needs you!

Smiles!

Sue x