Guys - the pressure is now getting too much for both my son and I - the unit have now offered more hours and school are saying they are going to reduce them as my son MUST go back to school. I am now at the point where I have no alternative but to give up work and home educate my son, this in itself will have such a detremental effect on my family as I am a single mum. I will be very sad to leave work as I have worked hard at my career to give my children a better life.
I know its throwing in the towel but I feel we have been backed into a corner.

Thank you all for your support over the past few months and wish you all well for the future.

Sarah xx

Dear Sarah,

I am so sorry to hear that it has got to this point for you. I haven't been on this site long but I know how difficult it is being a single mum and how this is what you were hoping was not the road you have to take. Are you able to get government support to home educate for medical reasons if you are a single mother? I cannot recall whether your son had had cognitive behaviour therapy - and I am sure you are well beyond feeling like anything works at the moment - but I have heard nothing but positive reports. Even if you do home school - you probably could follow up with this therapy and see what happens.
The Home School scene in the UK seems very supportive of each other - so you can at least hopefully tap into a local group?
Do you have a counsellor or psychiatrist/psychologist who you could go to and put the pressure back on the school to not reduce the hours at the unit? And are they allowed to do this considering what just came out of the recent court case?
I know sometimes we get beyond being able to cope - and it is so hard for you to think what will be best - but perhaps if you talk to an independent psychologist/cognitive behaviour therapist you might find a way forward without having to leave work? On the other hand - you might find the home education takes the pressure off and ....you can finally relax! Sorry - I am probably not much help from so far away - but believe me - I know how frustrated and overwhelmed you must be feeling. Please take care - and let us know how things go.
Linda

Linda,

A friend of mine whose child is being treated very badly by her school in London emailed me this letter that a deputy head had written for her son who is also a school refuser. It is for any EWO and highlights the law 'every child matters;. Not sure where she got it from - another website I think.....



Below is a template of a letter you could use to send to your EWO. It's hard to write a general one as every case is unique-you would probably need to adapt it to your child's own situation. The bit in brackets and italics should be used if your EWO is threatening you with legal action (this should NOT happen and is illegal-I'm a Deputy Head who is responsible for special needs and attendance in my school so I know this for a fact!)

I can't emphasis enough the need to take your child to the GP and CAMHS to get this condition recognised-otherwise you havent got a leg to stand on with the EWO. We found our GP to be the most supportive.

Here is the letter...

Dear Sir/Madam,



Thank you for your ongoing interest in my child. I am pleased to see that we share the same commitment to providing my child with a suitable education.


I would like to direct you to to the 1996 Education Act "The parent of every child of compulsory school age shall cause him to receive efficient full-time education suitable ;
a) to his age, ability, and aptitude, and
b) to any special educational needs he may have,
either by regular attendance at school or otherwise."


My child has school phobia, also known as "school refusal"or "school based anxiety." This is a recognised condition whereby children are unable to go to school due to mental health issues. This is clearly, therefore, a special educational need; indeed, it also can be categorised as a disability according to the definition of the Disability Discrimination Act. As such, we must work together to look at a “suitable education”, which may not at this time be a school-based education. Other Local Authorities provide support for pupils with school phobia such as home tutoring or internet schools and I am keen to discuss options such as these with you (I am a member of an internet support group for parents with school phobic children and can assure you that most Local Authorities work hard to fulfil their legal and statutory duties to provide children such as mine with a suitable education.) I am also keen to work with other agencies that could help my child access his education entitlement.



It is vital that we work together at this time to support my child. (I am extremely unhappy that the Educational Welfare Service for ….Council has failed to recognise my child’s needs and chosen to pursue a discriminatory approach in this instance. I would like to direct you to the case of East Suffolk Local Authority and remind you that there is a legal precedent for a council being found guilty of failing a child like mine who had been diagnosed with school phobia. Should you seek to pursue a case against me, I will not hesitate to seek legal representation and challenge your service under the Disability Discrimination Act .I will also make a formal complaint to the Local Authority, consult SENDIST and approach the media.) If you feel that this is outside your personal experience, I would be grateful if you would refer this to a Senior Educational Welfare Officer.



I feel we need to arrange a further meeting as soon as possible to discuss how we can work together to help my child.



Yours sincerely,

Your name


Could you adapt this for your needs? It seems ridiculous that the school are being so unreasonable when your son is happy to go to the unit - surely this is what the unit is set up for? Looks like you need your EWO on your side. Hope it helps.....

sophy

I am so sorry to hear what your school as said to you. At present my sons school is being very nice but I am worried about how long this can last. I thought I would get help until we had sorted it out. I think I have alot to learn!!
I do hope something can be arrange so that you don't have to give up work.
claire

Hi Sarah,

It's such a shame that its come to this ....... you finally have the unit saying yes to more hours and now the school say no!! How annoying!! Surely if the unit say its ok to do more hours, then your son could go there instead of you having to give up work to home educate!
Oh it makes me so cross all this indecision, I'm sure you've been down all routes trying to find a solution and I can understand you are probably exhausted with all the stress its causing you both.
I'm not surprised you feel like giving up Sarah, but remember you are his mum and you know what's best for your son.
I wish you well in your next journey and if I can help in any way, just call.

Sue x

Not 'Throwing in the towel' - just another step along the way.

OK, it's a big one, and it is not in the direction we thought we wanted to go, but it is just another route to our destination.

We cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel when it has a curve in it, but the light is still there.

Stay strong, Sarah, and you will both get there.

Simon

Sarah,
Before you leave your job, you might want to explore the homeschooling community in your area a little bit more. There is a subcategory known as "unschooling" where the curriculum is designed by the student him/herself and there is a group of kids who often get together and learn together, guided but not taught by their parents. From what I am reading, kids as young as 12 are doing this as it is growing increasingly more acceptable in the States. I don't know the status in the UK. I am definitely looking at this as an alternative for my son who is 16. He wants to go back to school but I no longer see that as realistic but I also don't want to leave my job. I do need a back up plan though, and fortunately for me, the state in which I live has a great deal of leniency regarding home-schooling.
I am in the process of learning more about this myself (this is definitely uncharted waters for me) and am happy to share resources with anyone interested in looking at this as an alternative to battling their child and the authorities every day for years.

Sarah

I'm really sorry I.ve not been on site for a few days, Sarah you can't do this, you need your work, not just financially but for your own sanity, this is your time, time just for you, even though it is work it is time to get away and be 'normanl' for a short time. Please go back to the athorities and stand your ground, don't let them back you into a corner, if I lived near you I would come with you, please stay strong.

Take care
Dorothy x

Thank you so much all of you for the letter, advise and shoulder to cry on. I don't have much time to post at the moment but I think my knight in shining armour may be coming my way to help - from my sons old primary school !! I'll see what is said later and let you all know.

Thanks again all of you, lets hope my knight has sat nav and finds me lol

Sarah x

Well, sopke to our EWO who has offered to take my son into school for an hour tomorrow, stay with him and bring him home. She has put no pressure on him at all and said lets just see how it goes. Told her that I was looking at the Home Ed route and she said to hang fire with that one and see how tomorrow goes, and if he doesn't then they will have a meeting to see what else they can do and not to worry about it all. That in it'self made me feel better. Spoke to my son about this and he feels better that she is going with him as he really does trust her as she has always stuck to her word.

So lets see what tomorow brings - all cross your fingers at 12.20pm tomorrow.

Sar xx

Sarah

That should give you a bit of hope, be thinking about you

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi Sarah,

That is good news - hope it goes well. It sounds wonderful that you son has someone he can trust there.
For those of us not in your hemisphere - what is an EWO? And can you remind me of what CAMHS is? I see this used a lot and can't recall if I asked the question once before. I recently asked a local secondary school what support they might have in place for SR students. They said they hadn't had experience with SR! I find that hard to believe. Any mention of what kind of support you guys have over there might give me some avenues to pursue the equivalent over here.
Thanks
Linda

Following on from the idea raised here of Home Schooling. Here are a few Home Schooling resources that might also be of help to anyone whose child is away from school for any length of time or anyone who has decided to home school. There will obviously be sites set up in the US/Uk and elsewhere - but here are a couple of Australian ones that seem to be helpful and offer ideas if you are just setting up. The first one is the Home Education Australia site and the second one comes from the state of Victoria. The last one covers links/support/resources for home education in Aust and elsewhere. Some of this work is also of help perhaps when the student is away from school for any length of time. Perhaps there are sites that others can suggest.


http://www.hea.asn.au/

http://www.home-ed.vic.edu.au

http://www.aussieeducator.org.au/resources/teaching/homeschoolingresources.html

Hi Linda,

EWO stands for Education Welfare Officer and CAMHS means Child and Adoloscent Mental Health Services.

I've noticed from reading this site that they work in slightly different ways depending on the area you are in.

The EWO had no input into my daughter and her five years of SR. I was told by my daughters school that the EWO said she would just tell my daughter to go back to school or I would get put in prison ?? I have heard some good reports from others on this site, who have found their EWO very helpful though.
CAMHS were good but they didnt have enough staffing to help very much and because they verbally diagnosed my daughter as having School Phobia but didnt put it in writing, the manager of the home tutors didnt believe us, which caused heated discussions at the Review meetings. I have since found a copy of letter from our Paediatric Consultant with the diagnosis and an urgent referral to a TASCC Team, which wasnt followed up by CAMHS, so we slipped through the net.
Again I have heard wonderful reports of other CAMHS in other areas though.

When I refect on our SR experience over the years I realise, its not the ways the various agencies get involved or not, its more the lack of co-ordination and a central link between the various agencies, which has caused the most difficulties....... as well as some schools not recognising School Refusal at all, as you have found recently!

Good luck on your journey.

Sue x

Well after not making school on Friday, my son has just gone to an additional session at the unit. He was very nervous to say the least as new teacher and new students - another SR joined today. He went in and i just kept telling him that the new SR needed his support.
Well im back at my desk having a coffee as it was such a relief he went. Im feeling alot better now about things but we know that feeling doesnt always last.

Tomorrows another day.

Luv Sar xx