My son is 16 and he could conceivably leave school, take a series of high school equivalency tests, and get an equivalent diploma that way. I know others who have done this and the parents say that it was an extremely stressful time and decision for them but it worked out and they now wonder what all the fuss was about. But my biggest fear is that this is not just limited to "school refusal" and will translate into "job refusal." So far his stress and anxiety have only been limited to school, but he has not learned any real strategies to cope with his anxiety and I worry about how this will play out in the future.

Does anyone else have any thoughts or experience with this?

Hi Helen

my son is 15 and shpuld be sitting his standard grades this coming term, noy sure if this will happen. I do fear the future, but unfortunately try not to think to far in advance, I know it's the cowards way out but, not sure if I cxould cope otherwise.

Take care
Dorothy x

I have met a couple of people who had relatives who had school phobia (as they probably described it).

Both went into higher education later (in their 20s, I think) and both came through it OK.

But I worry too!

Simon

Hi Helen and Dorothy,

My daughter is 16 and has just completed her GCSE’s hooray!

We’ve had some very dark moments along the way and occasionally I didn’t think we’d make it to the end, but we did and you will too!
I've heard that SR can follow through to working life but I'm pushing that aside for now and trying a positive approach. My daughter has always said that she just wants to be 'normal' so thats how we are approaching the next stage of her life.

All the way through I’ve spoken as if my daughter would go to college and that’s what she has worked towards, albeit a little reluctantly but I’ve kept things positive and she is used to the idea now and making decisions about which course she prefers to attend and which mode of transport she will travel on, all small decisions but its good for her to have an input into her future

I’ve told her that I’m not worried how she does academically, I just want her to go and enjoy college life and make up for lost friendships and depleting social life, as has been the case over the last 5 years since all this SR started.
I just want her to enjoy being a teenager! We are trying to get her some voluntary work over the summer holidays, at the Cats Protection Society as she loves cats and it my help with her confidence before she starts college.

I don’t know if she will attend college but I wanted to give her the opportunity. I am keeping things light hearted and as she will be studying art, something she enjoys very much, I hope this will be the turning point for her but I am well aware that it may not happen and we will cross that bridge when and if it happens.

I don’t have the answers but I do believe it’s all about giving some of the responsibility and decision making to our youngsters as they get older. Find something they are interested in and go down that route.

I wish you all the luck in the world, we will all get there in our own way.

Take care and remember to keep smiling!

Sue x

You have both had a long hard journey, and I am so pleased for you and your daughter.

Presumably you have visited the college? Any excuses to visit again to build up familiarity? I am wondering how I can take my own advice! I think it might be important.

Have a good summer - you deserve it!

Simon

Funny you should ask the question - I asked exactly the same one last week to our GP. His words were long term there is no long lasting effect with SR. SR will always be anxious regardless but because they have such an awareness regarding themselves they will make good rounded adults, and he thinks it is an excellent quality and if it were his child he wouldnt worry at all. There are 2 GPs we see at the doctors, this one's brother was a SR and our other GP suffered himself and ended up writing a paper about School Phobia as they prefer to call it.

Good news guys for once.

Anyway must go as got lots of preperation to do for tomorrows meeting. I'll let you know how i got on afterwards. My son is so positive about a new start in year 10 on a new site its the best ive seen him for ages I just dont want the bubble to burst. Please all think about us at 12.30 tomorrow !!lol

Love to all

Sar xx

Hi Sarah,

All the best for your meeting! I think Simon's advice was good. I don't know if you and other's find the same thing but it does seem to be the case on many occasions with meetings or counselling etc - as soon as someone throws out a possible (and I say possible) criticism - I feel so guilty - I loose my confidence. That is just what you have to avoid. We are extra sensitive because we have been through so much - we also know that others might be critical - so we need to be more prepared to stand up to them.
So good luck Sarah - you can do it! And much as my son would love to jump on a plane to go to the UK to escape - I'll be thinking of you instead:)

And Helen - I know I can't speak on behalf of Cognitive Behaviour therapy yet - but I have researched much into this area - and I really would try finding a good therapist for your son. It will help him find strategies to use with his anxiety - both now for SR and if it reappears in other areas later. Its better to get this help now rather than wait and see what happens. And I met someone recently whose son had CB therapy in grade 5 for anxiety and he is now a much more relaxed 15 year old. She felt it worked brilliantly and he only needed 10 sessions with a few follow ups later. Its worth giving it a go.
I might be able to report back on how its going in a few weeks time (After our bad start last week, I have organised a session on my own with the CB psychologist and then will start a fresh with my son in two weeks time). I wish the CB therapist had organised the session with me first originally - it might have worked better.
All the best -
Linda

Thanks all for your responses. They are indeed encouraging. I still need to investigate about CBT. I need to find a therapist that I can afford (!!!)_This seems to be a popular form of therapy (lots of anxiety out there) so many of them are totally booked. But I will continue to pursue it.....
.
Good luck to all of us!

Hi - well the morning has arrived and I must say i didn't have the best nights sleep - LOL Ive come into work this morning as I need to keep busy and occupied. As the meeting is at 12.30 and that is the start of lunch time my son has asked if we can go in early as to avoid seeing all the pupils and school have been more than happy to do this. Linda you are so right when you say just one negative comment can send you into turmoil - that is my biggest fear. Why am i worried ? if he doesnt go back then we are no worse off than we are now and we are surviving ! just keep telling myself that. My friends at work are very surprised at how anxious I am as I deal with some of the largest companies in the country and can stand my ground with any of them in a dispute - but this is different as I obviously have an emmotional attachment.

Anyway I feel better knowing that you are all supporting us and for that I thank you most sincerely - you have given me the courage to go on, support my son and hopefully get the result that we all want.

I'll post later and keep you updated.
My kindest regards

Sarah xx