Hi
I am the mother of a son who is due to start secondary ed in September 2011. He had terrible school refusal/phobia in the infant school and I am aware this is likely to resurface should secondary transfer not be handled carefully. He hates his feeder school, it s a large,boy only school. I could apply for a special needs place in a smaller, mixed school that has experience of school refusal but what would I do I do to help him> need evidence, which the authorities involved seem unable to provide due to departmental reshuffles. Any help and advice would be gratefully received.Many thanks.

Welcome to the Forum, Ailsa.

Those of us whom you will 'meet' here all know what a frustrating experience you are having! We feel for you, and your son.

Moving to the 'big school' is very often a difficult experience, and it is good that you are looking at it now. I understand that you would like him to change schools next year in order to help him make the transition to secondary school in 2011?

Getting evidence to help with this is always difficult because of lack of records, and in your case, changing staff. However, the files must exist - somewhere, and as I understand it, you have a right to see them.

Ask to see them. This could be reinforced by a letter from your county councillor. If individual case files are 'missing', then this is a bureaucratic failure that your councillor should be made aware of. However, I know that will not be easy.

Do you keep a diary? Do you have records of dates of meetings? Did you receive follow up letters from those meetings, copies of minutes, etc? Doctor's notes?

Can you get a letter from the present school?

From now on, please always ask for a copy of the minutes of meetings you or your son attends; if there are none, write a memo yourself to the organisation giving your version. Build up a home file, making notes in diary form of what happens or a daily/weekly basis. All this will prove invaluable if your son continues to find attending school difficult - which, of course, we hope will not be the case!

Ailsa, others may take a different view, based on their experiences, but I hope that between us, we can provide some support for you.

Simon

Hi Ailsa,

My son starts secondary schooling in Feb 2012 - so I know how you are feeling! He also has had terrible SR since beginning Primary school.
I would suggest that you try your son's doctor and ask them to write a letter explaining what your son has suffered and what he needs? If you ever went to a paediatrician, counsellor etc - then they should also be able to provide you with what you need. I am going to get my son's current school to provide a letter that I can use when he goes to secondary school. I will also have documentation and a referral letter if ever I need it from the Cognitive Behaviour Therapist.
I am sorry I can't help with the UK end but it sounds like your son is currently at a private school that feeds into another large private school?
My dilemma is whether the local secondary school is the way to go or not. It is a large 1400 student school. A couple of others further away have less students. However - I am also keeping in mind that one of his friends who he has known (on and off) since Kinder is going to the nearest school - and so I think that that is more important than anything. I will be requesting that they are in the same class next year (Grade 6) and then secondary school. But like you......I keep wondering if this is the right way.

Have you thought about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? I am hoping that this now will assist my son when he does the big step to secondary school. Perhaps you could look into that in your area so that your son has some strategies now to use to help him in the transition to the future.
Good luck - and don't carry your worries alone - we all understand.
Linda

Hi again Ailsa,

Just another comment - SR is unpredictable. So in fact if you son is going well at school now - with some luck on your side - it might not even be an issue at Secondary School. If he doesn't like the feeder school, however,I think you have been wise in taking note of that. Have everything you need beforehand to show to the school because as you know - it can just come on suddenly and the better prepared we are then the quicker your son will get help.
Linda

Hi Ailsa
Welcome to the forum. I have to say i agree with what Simon has said and keeping a diary is very important i have kept one for 3 years. How long is it since your son was refusing to go to school and what signs are there it may happen again ? My son is due to start senior school this September ( he isnt a refuser ) and i have to say the school have been very good with their new routine of introducing pupils to the new school, my son has been going once or twice a week for several weeks now and my sons feels very confident about going - this is so different from my eldest son who is a refuser he only had the opportunity to go a couple of times. I have to ask why has it all changed - have they had more problems than i know of ? Also have you been in contact with CAMHS ? i have found their support amazing.

Keep in touch you will find this site so helpful.

Sarah xx