Going to Spain on holiday on Friday. Booked it in January before my daughter had problems with school refusal and she is now getting cold feet saying she doesn't want to go.

We've said that she can will have to stay at home and looked after by her grandparents but I really feel that a holiday may do her a lot of good.

Has anyone else out there got experiences of going on holiday with an SR child ?

Hi Dazza,

My daughter never got excited about going and she's just told me that she never wanted to go on holiday. All I remember is that she would always talk about going home all the time we were away ..... but to be honest I feel a little that way too .... I like going away but I love to come home. We never managed more than a week away from home at any one time but I always felt it was good for her to get away from the house and get some sunshine, she never left my side all the time we were away though.

Whatever happens, I hope you enjoy your holiday and get a well earned rest.

Take care.

Sue x

Sometimes I still can't beleive the similarities in our children, when my son was younger and we went on holiday, he would ask every day when we were we going home, it has got better as he has got older.

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi Dazza,

This sounds familiar! My son did not want to go away with his Dad for a holiday just recently. Its a bit easier when they are younger to just say 'you are going, and that's that!'. So he went and had a terrific time. It has given him a fresh start and he has been happier lately and gone to school. Its not the first holiday or event that he has not wanted to go on/to. Talking about what he'd see and do didn't see to help so I just ended up not saying much. This was also partly because he was going to be away from me but he also doesn't like change.
I think for the SR child its a big thing - unknown - all the 'what ifs' come back. They like their familiar comfortable surroundings as it is safe and predictable. That does not mean it is the best place for them. It might also be a bit of a teenage thing perhaps? If it was me (and I know that its so hard when they dig their heels in!) but I'd really try and take your daughter on the holiday - she needs to experience something different and realise she can still cope. If she gets really used to being able to opt out then she will become more and more housebound- don't you think? But you are the best judge. Good luck.
Linda

Daz

It is so common, its breaking the routine. We go away on Monday and my son has said to me so many times over the past few days that he is excited and worried at the same time and is panacking about panacking !!

When i question him about it he says he feels safer at home if he has a panic attack - i've reassured him that he will be having too much fun to panic. I'm afraid to say its not all about SR it's just the way our children are.

Have a good holiday, because once she is there she will be fine.

Take care

Sarah xx

Dazza, today is the day, so you may well be on your way - together. I hope so.

But we too went through this, and found that whilst she did come with us, going out on day trips was difficult - she just wanted to stay in bed or by the pool. Concerned about her safety, we could not allow that,(we were in a remote villa) but if you do not have those concerns, then you will not have that difficulty.

I think it did help in the long term that she came with us, but it was just one of the many stressful stages we went though. She remembers the good days, and seems to have forgotten the bad ones. She has just gone off to the continent with some friends without any apparent concerns, so I think these experiences do help in the longer term.

I hope your holiday gives you all a good break - you deserve it.

Simon

Hi Daz

How did the holiday go ?

Sar x

It was tough just to get her in the car to go to the airport. We had to threaten to leave her behind and had to buy her a portable dvd player on the way to the airport.

At the airport she kept asking us to ring her grandparents to come get her but eventually she stopped complaining and we got to Spain ok.

At the hotel she stayed in the room from Friday evening until Sunday afternoon. We were all inclusive so we had to keep bringing food to the room for her. From Sunday afternoon she started coming out of the room and we had a pleasent holiday with only the odd lapse.

She seems to have gained confidence since the holiday and has been out of the house more than she did before but it has been a struggle.

All I can say is fantastic - well done to your daughter.

My sons father is coming to see him in a couple of weeks for 2 weeks and he will stay with his parents whist here. My youngest son is quite happy to go and stay with him but my SR will see him but has to come back to me at night ( they only see Dad 2x a year !! ) I have asked him to try and stay overnight as he will be well looked after - again he said he will try but I wont hold my breath !!

Sarah xx

Well done, everyone!

I hope you had time to have a rest yourself, Dazza, and made the most of the holiday?

Simon

We are going to Cyprus tomorrow as my motherinlaw lives there and again were having problems with Marie. This morning she has taken her passport and hidden it. We could leave her behind as my parents are looking after the house but I really don't want to do that.

Dazza,

This is a bit late to reply but this must have been very stressful for you. She really must be feeling very overwhelmed by the idea of going. She probably doesn't know why she just can't face it. I do hope you were/are able to sort it out one way or the other. If she stays - you did try.
Good luck,
Linda

Dazza,

I am sure that Marie feels awful that you have booked a flight for her, and that your in-laws are expecting her, so this cannot be an easy decision for her. She will also be remembering your Spanish holiday, and the problems that gave her. (We had similar problems about a trip to Cyprus!)

However, she is giving a strong message that she does not want to go, and this might actually be an opportunity for her to share some of her feelings with your parents. If you feel reasonably comfortable about her staying, you should get her to ask her grand-parents if that is OK. This will give her some sense of being in control of her own life.

However, she should not be allowed to think that this is the norm, and she needs to understand that you are still expecting her to be part of the family on the next family holiday. The alternative is to get her to agree now, in return for her to have a say next time?

Who needs this stress just before a holiday? I hope you are able to enjoy it when you get there.

Simon

It wasn't a good holiday really as Marie only left the house twice to go food shopping.

We nearly left her behind as she was refusing to come but at the last minute she came with us.

I don't think I'll be booking another family holiday until her condition has improved.