Its one of those days where I feel so overwhelmed because no matter what I tried - only after a promise to pick him up before they go on an excursion worked. I know the school won't understand either - they will expect any kids not going on the excursion to go to another class (a big NO from our kids point of view of course).
There are only so many tears and breakdown I could handle or that he should go through. I know that you all understand.
One therapist I tried to contact recently said something of interest when she replied: " It is very difficult dealing with school refusal because every parent wants their children to attend and be "seen as the proper parent". However, it is not as easy as that, as you well know."
I guess that is what I struggle with - although I feel 'bad' as in having failed something I tried to achieve, I also feel guilty, and that is worse:(
Sorry -its a bad morning.
Linda

The school principal just rang and said they have spoken with my son and he will be going on the excursion. They said he didn't really come up with a good enough excuse to not go and so has 'agreed' to go. I am glad its out of my hands now but I can't help still feeling a bit 'wobbly' and that I know my son will be furious when I pick him up now at the end of the school day. The school never sees this as he bottles it all in. Now I know he will never ever make a deal where he goes in and I pick him up. I just feel like I have been under a steamroller ...but tomorrow is another day.
I promise not to post another post to myself! Hopefully someone out there is reading/listening! By the time someone reads this we will be onto another dimension of the SR roller coaster ride - such is the life we all lead.
Linda

Linda - don't worry about posting yourself- we have all done it and all have bad days. I know that when i need support I keep checking the forum for replies as it helps to know that there are people who understand. By the time you read this - hopefully all will have settled down and as you say tomorrow is another day !!

I am so pleased it's the summer holidays so for the next 5 weeks I'm not going to even think about school much - but of course it is always in the back of my mind.

Please stay strong - we are good parents trying our best - we have to remember that.

Post again and let me know how you are doing - I will check regularly and try and help.

Luv Sarah xx

Hi Sarah,

Thank you so much for your reply! Its nice to know someone out there is reading but I do know how nice it must be to not have to worry about school - I get that bliss when Christmas holidays come along when we get 5 weeks.
And my son did go to school today. But I copped the fallout after school yesterday. He was so furious - it took him about 2 hours to calm down as he had bottled all his anxiety up all day. He was so negative about everything - nothing was right - everyone hates him - school is awful etc. I just tried to stay calm and finally we had a nice talk and he said he felt better. The principal just never sees this - nor the mornings. He thinks my son is being naughty and so told him off and also told him off for giving me a hard time in the morning! he has no idea that our kids do not mean to be like this nor do they want to be. I have tried talking to the principal - tried giving him information about SR but he is convinced it is discipline that is the issue. Luckily for my son - his classroom teacher does understand - but she was absent yesterday - which is why my note in the morning re picking my son up early went direct to the principal.
We plough on and thank you for reminding me that we are good parents. It is such a hard thing for others to understand what we are facing.
Thanks again -
Linda

Hi Linda
The problem is that people do not understand - they do not see what we deal with day in day out and how stressful it is constantly. I sometimes try and see it from their point of view, until I had a SR i dont think i would have understood, im not sure. Well I do have a SR and we have to deal with it the best we can. Our children are very fortunate that as their parents we try and support and do our best for them - there must be children who are suffering whos parents either dont care or dont support how awful is that !!
Keep your chin up believe in yourself and your son - you are a fab fab mum.

Keep posting

Sarah xx

Hi Linda,

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time.
My daughter has left school now but hopefully she will go to college in September. I was a little concerned yesterday though, when she mentioned that she will probably only go there for two weeks!
All those old feelings of failure as a parent returned...... do they ever go away?
It's tough being the parent of an SR isn't it?
Ignore what others say and do, they have no idea how hard it is. Only we see the anxiety our children feel every single day.
Let your son know you are on his side, he needs you and your hugs more than ever if he's had a particularly bad day/experience.
Hang in there Linda, you are doing a great job.
Take care.

Sue xx

Hi Linda,

How's it all going?
I know you've been having a tough time lately, I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and your son.
Take care and remember to keep smiling.

Sue x

Sue, I just wondered how the preparations for college are going?

We are very uptight here, but seem to be progressing confidently. I think it is the independent living that is the attraction. My daughter was buying duty free on her return from holiday! I wonder how much work will get done?

But I do notice a huge improvement and am very proud of her progress.

Simon

Hi Simon,

So far, so good. We are both being very positive about college although occasionally she will say 'I'm only going to last two weeks anyway' When I asked why, she said thats probably all she will be able to do.
She said she gets nervous sometimes because the others in the class will have been to school more recently than she has, but we don't dwell on it, we talk about the good times she will have and the gigs she will hopefully go to with new friends she will make.

Still walking on eggshells really! haha.

I hope your daughter is ok, have they started college in Scotland?

Sue x

Hi Sue and others -
A better day. Thanks for your support.
My son is averaging 2-3 days a week at the moment.
We found a new CB therapist and although only I have met with her yet - I was much more impressed. She is a Clinical psychologist - and did her doctorate on child and adolescent psychology. She seemed to sum up the situation much better and understood. She is going to work with the school and make recommendations regarding what they can do to improve how he feels in the classroom. My son is keen to meet her as she has asked that he bring along some football things to educate her (the last therapist was critical of his obsession with this!). I feel relieved. She said that if after some time she feels it is not working she will look at the option of medication - to allow him to feel what it is like not to have the anxiety and perhaps feel more able to work through the cognitive behaviours better. But she said that will be the last resort.
I can imagine how yourself Sue and Simon are sitting on eggshells as you hope that things work out (and for more than a couple of weeks). Good luck - you can only know that you have given lots of support and hope that eventually the desire to study and/or peer activities kicks in and brings a positive feeling. Hope everyone else is still having a good break. We have four weeks of this term left.
Linda