Hello all,

First post, so a bit of background: I was labelled a "school refuser" and "school phobic" in the 1990s by a welfare officer from my LEA. I was genuinely too ill to go to school a lot of the time, but I was also being severely bullied.

To be honest, I find some attitudes towards "school refusers" show a lack of understanding. If a child tries to avoid school because of actual learning difficulties, they need to be helped, but I get the impression this is a minority. In my experience it's mostly those who are unhappy at school because of bullying who are labelled as refusers. It's the savagery of other kids that they don't want to face, knowing that humiliation is in store for them every day. Adults who haven't experienced bullying to that extent can have misplaced faith in the ability of schools to sort it out, or they can be content to say these kids should endure it because "it's part of life" and they'll develop a thick skin. Many don't, and while dealing with aggro is a necessary part of life, being tormented daily is not and shouldn't be. I'd suggest that if the school can't deal with it, and you're at the end of your tether, something needs to be done rather than just exerting more bullying into your child to go to the place they hate.

Try a different school, a different area, or if it's possible for parents, educate at home. Education has been compulsory in England and Wales since 1880, but school is not. Children can be taught perfectly well at home, if that's possible for parents. I speak from experience - my mum had little time to supervise my learning because my dad was ill with cancer, but I got on with my work, and came through fine (went to college to take my GCSEs and A-levels, then to uni and got a first). There are groups like Education Otherwise who we found really helpful, and there are inevitably local meetups for parents where kids get a chance to meet others in the same boat. Socially, I never found home education a problem, and nor did anyone else I know. There are plenty of other plusses to it, but I'll stop there.

Alex - thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us all, and to see that you have done so well is inspiring.

I really dont know where to turn at the moment, my son just cant go and I mean can't not won't. I would love to home educate but being a single working mum i just dont know what to do.

Please keep in touch as any ideas are greatly received.

Regards

Sarah