Hi, i have a niece who is school refusing, it started when she was in the last year of junior school, got to the gates and couldnt go in was crying etc, it has gone on for nearly 4 years. she does go in sometimes but mainly misses 3 or 4 days a week. they have been to CAMS but the lady said she was a mystery, as she is popular, doing well in all grades, keeping up with the work, doesnt seem to been bullied etc. It also has spread to other areas of her life, like sleep-overs with friends and school trips and even when my brother and family all went on holiday to Wales she had to carry a sick bag incase she was ill etc. She is terrified of dentists, doctors and even had a panic attack whilst waiting to get her hair cut. so everyone is at witts end and very stressed and worried. i took her to a child hypnosis last year which seemed to help a bit but not now as its all got worse again. Also she says no-one understands her ! so was also wondering whether it helps it they have pen-pals of similar girls going through the same thing. She wont open up to anyone. the doctor is very good the school are trying ? they have the welfare board now onboard or on their case depending on how it pans out. She wants to go to school, gets up and dressed and ready and then sits and cries and goes white and feels ill ? what helps and does she know what triggered it?> i have a few ideas but could be wrong on all of them. thansk for listening.

I have just read this post and this is absolutely identical to my daughters behaviour. My daughter is now in tear 10 and has only attended 2 days since the start of the new school term, and has no intention of returning although she does at times speak about the future and possible college etc. We have been attending Camhs sessions and I can see a slight improvement but my daughter say's there's no point going any more, as its not working. At the very first meeting at Cahms I was asked about my daughters birth, she was born by C Section and it was a very difficult pregnancy being admitted to hospital for 9 weeks and the problems I encountered were life threatening to both of us. I have recently been recommended to a hypnotherapist that practises a tecnique called NLP. This lady asked the same kind of questions and thinks there's a strong possibility that my daughter was born with her anxiety disorder because of my state of mind at the time. Looking back this does make a lot of sense. She has always been fearful to try anything new, had low confidence and gets angry/upset/panics at the thought of getting it wrong. The last 12 months has been very hard for both of us. I so want her to get her education, shes very bright and academic, but gets as far as the door and goes into meltdown. I'm going to continue supporting her and getting her the help and support that she needs and hopefully one day we will both get through this.

Hi Kerry/Linny,

You WILL get through this! I promise!

My daughter was very similar to yours in her actions and 'meltdown' moments. Her birth wasn't difficult but my pregnancy was very stressful and my GP wasn't surprised when my daughter suffered from colic, she said she expected it due to the stress I'd been through during my pregnancy. Is there a link? I'm not sure. My daughter still has tummy pains when stressed though.

All I can tell you is that my daughter didn't have a lot of schooling until Year 11, when we eventually got a little home tuition for her and she managed to get enough GCSE's to get into Art College. (You can see my story throughout the forum, all the ups and downs!).

M. started college a couple of weeks ago and yesterday she actually said she loved it! Oh wow it was music to my ears, we had a little difficulty the first week, but she went back, made friends and seems to be enjoying it so far, although I am prepared for a few 'blips' along the way.

Anyway, I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you at this difficult time but hang in there, it will get better, just take one day at a time.

This site will help, we all know how you are feeling, its been a life saver for me along the way.

Sue x

WHILE I'M HERE ......
I just wanted to wish Sarah and M. good luck and say a big hello to Simon, I hope your daughter is getting on ok at college.
Hugs to all other friends I've made on here. x

Linny / Kerry

I have no idea to this day how it started and i don't think i ever will. My son too is anxious about lots of things, but to be honest is getting better especially with haircuts, dentist etc but sleepovers are a no no even when his father comes to see him ( he will see him in the daytime at his grandparents but always wants to come home at night ) He is on meds but is not taking them daily now only when absolutley necessary which is a good thing. I had no problems with his birth ( apart from it hurt !!) but did have complications whilst I was carrying but all resolved itself in the end. I do think that his father leaving when he was 7 does have a huge part in it all and i'm not just trying to place blame but he did take it badly ( only sees him 2/3 time a year now )
I have just come to accept that this is the way my son is - and I will support him as much as possible.

Keep supporting them they need us, and keep posting to let us all know how you are getting on.

Sar xx