Hi all

Well just arrived at work after dropping my son off at his new school. This was not easy as he was so upset and anxious. After a while one of the teachers came out to the car and spoke to him - they reassured him he would be ok and that if he didn't settle they would call me asap. My son was so angry with me for making him go in - but i felt he needed to give it a go and at least try. Have i done the right thing ? if so why do i feel so awful ?

Please let me know your thoughts.

Sarah x

Your son has done really well going in this morning, so you should be feeling proud! But I do understand! He won't thank you for it, of course, but it is another step along the way. well done, both of you.

Simon.

Well, I met my son for lunch and he's not happy. He said that no one spoke to him, and although he wanted to like it he didn't think he would. Explained that he needed to give it some time, but typical teenager just grunted. I went and spoke to the teacher when i took him back and she said how well he had done by just going, but her thoughts were that full time straight away was too much, and suggested part time until he settles down. They are very good at trying to suit the students needs, but my fear is he won't go back tomorrow !! I know I have to be positive but we have all been here before haven't we.

Oh well, feel like the worlds worst mum at the moment, but I am sure it will pass.

Sarah xx

You are certainly not the worse mum in the world but I know exactly how you are feeling. At least you got him to at least try, my son won't even get up and get dressed, he just panics at the thought. Keep up the good work as you must be doing something right :0)

Hi Sarah,

Yes, you've definately done the right thing. I would have done the same.
We all know he needs to give himself time to settle and make friends, the difficult bit it persuading him go in to make those friends.
Lets hope he can make it back tomorrow, maybe for just the morning?
Try not to talk about it this evening.
Good luck Sarah, I'll be thinking of you both.

Sue x

Hi Sarah

My computor wasn't working for past few weeks and i've not been on site, I've missed it so much, made me realise how much I depend on it and all the friends I've made.

You are not a bad mum, and I know deep down you know this, but we all need re assurance from time to time, I've lost count of the times I've taken my son in and left him in a state, when I've went back for him he usually apologises for his behaviour, they just don't know how else to deal with their feelings of fear so they lash out at us, you are doing the best that you can, so please don't put your self down.

I don't think our boys have been in touch for a while

Take care
Dorothyx

Thank you all for your support - it is such a difficult time. Well, he's gone in quite happy today - so different from yesterday, but he is finishing at lunch time. He enjoyed yesterday afternoon as most of the students didn't bother going back after lunch so there was only a couple of them there.

He was pleased with the way his base-line tests went, i think that bothered him as well.

Hey ho back on that rollercoaster !!

Dorothy - what stage are you at at the mo with your son ? Will get M to text him.

Sarah xx

Hey Sarah,

I'm so glad he managed to go in today, as we always say, small steps ...... with a bit of luck he will have enjoyed it again and possibly starting to make new friends.
Tell 'M' - I think he is a Superstar!
You are doing really well Sarah, stay strong.

Lotsa luv'n'hugs

Sue x

Hi Sue

Yes he was fine today, but he was working on his own. He doesn't go on a Thursday so back Friday. So far so good.

Thanks for your message, will call you soon

Sar xx

Hi Sarah

ticking along nicely at the moment, still going for one to one tuotion at education centre, has only missed one session since starting back in august, we have had some days where we struggle to get him in, but I feel a lot stronger now and I don't back down, although inside, its a different matter, we have a review meeting next friday, and have been referred back to CAHMS, meeting with them next wed, he still gets uptight but seems to manage it bit better, still only studying 3 subjects but its way better than this time last year. Our daughter goes to Australia on tue but hopefully it wont impact on him too much. On the down side he has stopped going to his football

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi Dorothy

Your son has done so well only missing one session, and only doing 3 subjects isn't a problem at all. I'm sorry that he's given up football, but again that could just be a blip ( we know about blips !!) How does he feel about going back to camhs ? My son is getting a bit fed up with it really, but i feel it helps me alot and gives me encouragement, so the last few sessions i have gone on my own.

I hope your daughter enjoys Australia, i'm sure she will have a great time.

Oh well we keep trying thats all we can do.

Take care all

Sar xx

Hi Sarah

He said he will go back to CAMHS and see how it goes, he was in school today to speak to career's officer and came out really positive, they talked about my son leaving school after this term and going to college, the officer said he could take him to visit a few colleges to see what he thinks, my son felt quite good about this and said the officer talked to him like an adult and not a child, its a lot to think about .............

take care
Dorothy x

Suddenly you are talking about your son leaving school and going to college! Wow, there is a lot to think about!

Your son is clearly pleased that he was treated as an adult, but I guess this was because he behaved like one. Thinking positively about his future, and being able to discuss this in school is a great step forward.

Well done him,

Simon

My goodness Dorothy I can't believe how the time has gone. I hope your son enjoys looking at the colleges. I hated school but loved college. it was so different.

Sarah T, there is no such thing as a bad mum, certainly not on this site. You are doing your absolute best for your son and deep down he knows that. He just can't see it yet. That is not his fault. Its just the way it is with teenagers.
He has done well this week and so have you. x

Hi Dorothy,

I'm really pleased for you and your son. As you know my daughter couldnt go to school at all, she felt ill if we even drove past it.
She started college a couple of week ago and apartfrom a small blip the first week, she likes it and attends every day.
She said she likes the freedom of college and no one there knows about her problems with school, so she feels 'normal'.
I've just dropped her and her new friend back to college this evening as there's a music/bbq which she bought tickest for earlier today.
I can't believe the change in her. I'm sure we shall have a few more 'blips' when the pressure of work gets too intense but until then we shall enjoy it.
I feel sure our SR youngsters will blossom when they move away from school. I just know it will help your son too.
Good luck with looking at the colleges, I let my daughter decide which one she wanted to go to. She didnt chose the new posh one, she went for the older smaller one, which was fine by me.
Take care and let us know how it goes.

Sue x

Thanks everyone, its early days and we're still not sure if this is what will happen, there is still a lot to discuss, but it does seem positive.

Sue, it sounds like your daughter is getting on good, well done to her and you as well, its been a long hard road and I'm sure its made you both stronger and brought you closer together as she knows you were always there for her, good luck in the future.

Simon, how is your daughter getting on?

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi all
well we are now on day 3 of not going to the new school, to be fair he has been full of cold but how many excuses can we have ? after having yet more chats about it he says he is fine when he is taught on his own but doesn't like being in a class room with the other students as they are all 2 years older. Got a meeting with them tomorrow but not sure what else can be done. They are all lovely but did say today a bit of tough love might be the answer and throw him in the deep end as he will be fine - what they don't seen to understand is that I can't get him there to throw him in ! i know this sounds awful but i think i have gone passed the stage of getting upset, it just seems like the norm now and i have come to accept the fact that he won't go. I'm sitting here now and he is on his x-box just like any other 14 year old, you wouldn't think he had the problems he does because come tomorrow morning he will regress into this frightened little boy - that is the sad part.
Well signing off now, wish me luck for tomorrow.
Sar x

Hi Sarah,

I felt really sad after reading your message.
Its awful seeing them happy and secure during the evening and knowing that the morning will bring such anxiety.
I hope with all my heart that M. finds the courage to go to school tomorrow and you find the strength to support him in your usual way.
I'll be thinking of you both.
Take care.

Sue x

Hang in there Sarah. It will get better. It just going to take time, patience and lots of unconditional love and you have shedloads of that.

Thinking of you,

Penny x