I was bullied for many years in school. I'm a girl, and most don't associate girls with bullying, but it can be just as traumatic. In one year I had a shattered ulna, two concussions, broken nose, knocked teeth, and a sprained wrist, along with tons of pairs of broken glasses.... The school did nothing, even though it was on the playground at recess. When my arm was broken the playground aide refused to let me go to the nurse's office, even.

I liked learning, I enjoyed the classroom... but they wouldn't fix their discipline problems or punish the offenders. They said any punishment for fighting between two kids had to be shared equally -- so if they suspended the person who beat me up, they would suspend me too. Which, of course, did not help anyone at all.

My mother was a single mom barely over the poverty line, and at her wits end when I kept saying I didn't want to go to school and tried to act like I was sick, etc, plus all of the medical bills from the injuries at school. Finally when I was eight years old, near the end of that school year where all of the violence I listed happened and Mom said I had to go to school or she was going to get into legal trouble... I attempted to hang myself. I had decided that it would be better for me to die for both of us -- so that she wouldn't get into legal trouble and wouldn't have to pay so much money for me, and I wouldn't get tortured anymore. The support I chose broke after I lost consciousness but fortunately before any permanent damage happened.

She sent me to therapists, and they said that there was nothing wrong with me -- I was just too smart and actually cared what other people thought.

The solution Mom found was to call to private schools and see if any of them would offer scholarships, and explained the situation. She found one for gifted and talented students that made it where it would cost only $50 a month for me to attend. The kids there didn't pick on me because they too were nerdy with glasses and high vocabularies.

I know that it was hard on Mom -- I can hardly imagine it. But ... I truly wanted to die rather than go to school another day. Not all kids who refuse to go to school are truant, unrealistically afraid of what they will experience when they arrive at school, have learning difficulties, or are lazy. Sometimes it's just that the other kids have decided that your kid is the weak chicken that must be pecked to death by the flock, for whatever reason.

I was really honestly surprised when I saw on Wiki that they did not list bullying as a cause of school refusal. And I hope that will change soon, because I wouldn't be surprised how many kids don't want to admit that they're being tortured. I couldn't hide it very easily, but emotional torture can hurt as much or more than physical torture.

Nancy

How awful for you, but appreciate you sharing your expereince with us on the forum.

Hope all is OK now..
Sarah x

Sorry you had such a hard time, Nancy. I hope things got better for you.
There are many reasons why children refuse to go to school and bullying (often gone unnoticed) can certainly be one of them. Apart from Wiki, that you refer to, bullying is usually mentioned as a possible cause as it does tend to turn up in many different places relating to school refusal and parents are always asked if there is any sign of bullying before looking at other possibilities. So whilst bullying can be a reason for school refusal there are many other children where school refusal is perhaps more related to an underlying anxiety that can exist outside the school situation but often goes unnoticed as its not an every day struggle. It's a bit of a mystery and often it seems we just have to ride the rollercoaster with them.
All the best,
Linda

Can I just add to this that I agree with Linda in that there are many other reasons for school refusal.
Depression for one is very difficult for others including parents to understand or know what to do to help but could I absolutely urge everyone to listen to their child and I mean really listen to what they are NOT saying too. My daughter tried to take her own life on Wednesday. It not anything to do with school 'per se' its about a multitude of things that just make life simply unbearable for some kids and as part of that they cannot face things, like school, that others take for granted.

Penny x

Oh Penny, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter.

I will say a prayer for both of you.

Sue xx

Penny - my heart goes out to you, your daughter and family. This is a very difficult time for you. I hope you have the support around you all to help.
And you are right about having to listen to what they are not saying. Depression in teenagers or adults is the same in regard to not being able to pin point something specific it's just that completely all overwhelming feeling that there is no way forward. I hope your daughter can find something to hang onto and move her way forward even if slowly. We are all thinking of you - and perhaps watching and listening to our own kids just that bit closer.
Linda

Penny,

So sorry to hear about your daughter, my heart goes out to you and your family at this difficult time. It really makes me think how much our children need to hear us tell them how much we love them and will support them no matter what...

You are in my thoughts and prayers,

Sophyx

Penny

I am so sorry - i have only just read your message. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Stay strong.

Sarah xx

Penny

So sorry, all the messages on here are so true, only we know what our kids are going through, and how much they need our support, they need us to be there for them, not shout or give them a hard time, they do that for themselves, my heart goes out to you, just know that you've got all our support and thoughts, just keep being there for your daughter, as you have been, think she needs you more than ever now.

Take care
Dorothy x