My daughter has had 2 tutors coming to our house for a couple of hours a day for a few weeks now. One tutor comes 3 days a week and the other comes once a week.

She struggled at first because she finds it hard to meet new people but after a few visits she's got used to the first tutor but she has only seen the other tutor once and is now refusing to see her because she days she doesn't like her.

We have tried threats, punishments and bribery but my daughter is difpgging her heels in.

Has anyone else had problems like this with tutors?

Hi Dazza,

Yes we had the same problem.
My daughter had 4 tutors who she liked except for one. We tried and tried to get it to work. My daughter dug her heels in too.
We asked if it was possible to change tutors but the manager of the tutors gave us the impression they were doing us a favour and wouldnt help us at all. (I can't begin to decribe my feelings for that woman!).
Eventually we dropped the subject, as the stress was causing my daughter to fall behind in her other tutoring. Sadly the subject we had to drop was maths. It makes me so cross that my daughter was deprived of such an important subject but she still managed to get into college, as she felt more relaxed and able to learn the other subjects she was tutored in.

I think my daughter worked harder on her other subjects to prove a point. She got the grades required to get into college.

We overcame all the obstacles put in front of us and had the last laugh.
You and your daughter will too.

Sue x

Daz
My son really struggles with meeting new people - be it tutors or anyone - has your daughter given reason why she doesn't like the tutor ? some tutors are more understanding than others. I remember him going to the tuition centre and his regular tutor wasn't there it really upset him, and to be honest he didn't go back again until the original tutor came back. Is your daughter not in school at all now ? is the education authority paying for the tutors or are you having to foot the the bill yourselves ? My son is really struggling now - this is the worse it's ever been - not only is he not at school he's not going out at all incase he panics. I took his brother to the pictures this afternoon but he wouldn't come with us, i felt awful but have to think about his brothers feelings as well.

Anyway, keep your chin up.

Sar

Hi Dazza,

Can you change the tutor?
(Sarah and Dazza) - Have you tried Cognitive Behaviour therapy with a psychologist for your daughter/sonr? It does have good outcomes with all kinds of anxiety and it does seem to be helping my son. My son never goes to the movies, however, as the loud noise stresses him out completely. I think our kids are also highly perceptive so if a tutor or a teacher has any negative vibes towards them - they will pick it up immediately and dig their heels in.

I would highly recommend CB therapy but not put the pressure on your daughter to 'succeed'. I was very casual about the approach but unfortunately the first therapist my son hated refused to go back. I shopped around on-line for another that dealt with anxiety in children. I then had a session on my own with her. When my son and I then attended, she was ready to talk football as I explained to her that that was probably the road in. And it was. The difference also is that we both do these sessions together - that way he knows that I know things that work or don't and we can be really honest with each other about what annoys him when he panics (me saying ' you'll be ok' etc). CB is to change negative thoughts to more positive ones and it really helps if the parent can be in on this too and change how they speak or relate things to their kid. It might be different for an older child but I'd imagine some sessions together and some separate but being together also makes it so much easier for them to attend.

CB might be a good way to move forward long term - but again - the child has to be willing to work with it. I wish you well - it's a tough time.

Linda

My daughter is getting CBT from a CAMHS therapist very 2 weeks since September and it seems to be working slowly.

We start our CBT next Tuesday - had to go private though.
Sar xx

Good luck to both of you. They are doing a study at a university in Melbourne at the moment where CB is offered with SR students or medication. I'll let you know if I hear any outcomes. I did not join my son in the program as I did not want him to end up with medication (it was a random choice on their behalf).

Sorry I wrote so much in the previous email about CB - I wasn't sure if either of you had gone down that path.
Linda

Linda please don't apologise any info is greatly received. Having a bad time at mo as my son is really having a bad time and his panic attacks are more frequent and stronger. Hey ho, have no water or heating, and a child with a bug - roll on Christmas.

Sar x

My daughter is now playing up with both tutors and only sees them after a lot of persuasion.

She says that she finds one-to-one teaching embarrassing, there's nowhere to hide and you have to answer the teachers questions, whereas in class you can avoid questions.

Has anyone out there got any ideas of how to make one-to-one teaching a bit easier for my daughter? (she is nearly 15)