My daughter has not been to school since March.

She's had a tutor since November, 4 mornings a week, and a CAMHS therapist since September.

We feel that we are not making much progress. Most mornings my daughter refuses to see the tutor or if she does it's only for a few minutes. She's doing work the tutor has left but not enough. She says she doesn't like being tutored as it's too intense and she is scared of getting things wrong. She was ok with the tutor for a couple of weeks but then went off it.

She hardly leaves the house, holidays are very difficult as she doesnt like going out. I've tried my GP who says medication wouldn't work and she says that it may get better over time.

The major problem is my daughter is happy as she is. She doesn't have to go to school or do anything else she doesn't have to. She is anxious but doesn't want to improve and sometimes refuses to see the CAMHS therapist who says she can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

We have a review meeting in school next week about the tutoring which isn't going to go very well as my daughter usually refuses to even see the tutor.

Anyone out there with any advice for us ?

Daz, This post could so easily have been written by me this time last year!

I too have felt in the past that my daughter was not playing a proactive role in any sort of recovery. As you know she has had problems with depression and sadly after 10 months on prozac the positive impact they had at first did not last and after an attempt on her own life she has been taken off of them. For her they were not the answer - not the magic bullet that we were hoping for, the thing that would 'make it all better'. (She has also now been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, which now makes alot of sense with regard to her fatigue issues and this has been hard to accept.) Anyway, sorry to waffle on, but, the point I am trying to get to is that slowly, slowly things are beginning to change. when I now look back at the past few months I can see how she has begun to move forward. It is very slow but I believe it's because she is now ready to move forward. Its the right time for her. She has had various therapists, suggestions, support etc all of which she has refused. She just couldnt access any help at all. She didnt want it. But now she does. she's growing
up. (17 in March) She's beginning to make things happen for herself now. No, its not all plain sailing. No, she might not be put in for any GCSE's again this year because of the amount of work she's missed (We will wait and see) but suddenly there's that glimmer of light - that Simon spoke of in his very first reply to one of my posts - still far in the distance-but a glimmer nethertheless that she is at last trying to help herself in small ways.
Daz - time will win in the end. I'm sure of it. hang on in there.

Penny x

btw. With regard to meds. This has only been our daughters experience. I know that lots of people are sometimes helped by taking anti - depressant medication and would not want to put anyone off from doing what's best for them and their wellbeing. Everyones experience is different. x

Sorry to hear how things are, Dazza. Through my own experience I wouldn't necessarily say your daughter is happy the way she is - she probably just finds it enormously difficult to know how to start as progress is not instant and so staying in a comfort zone avoids that.
Does she have any interests that might take her out of the house? Small steps at a time? My son also has a tendency to not want to go anywhere despite 'appearing' happy. If I get him out to socialise - he enjoys himself. At home, the fact that he can jump from laughing to yelling within seconds shows all is not well. He has refused to see any of his friends over the holidays (says it reminds him of school and how much he missed - the guilt speaking). He also has refused to go to the local shopping centre with me in case he sees someone from school and they ask where he has been (not realising they couldn't care). He does have his soccer though - and that makes him feel 'normal' and so he tends to be very active kicking balls out the back etc. and if the weather is not too hot we will go to an oval and go for goals. I am going to bring this refusal to go out to places up at the next CB session as I had focused so much on the school issue I hadn't thought about how much it also impacted on the home behaviour.
Perhaps the trouble with seeing a CAHMS psychologist - your daughter is constantly reminded of how she is not attending school and the guilt can be crippling. Is it possible for you to see a CB therapist outside of the school system - and talk to them first about working with your daughter generally first and not focusing on school? Just an idea - hang in there - like Penny says - there is also an age thing that kicks in but with some kids it takes longer than others.
Linda

Dazza - it always gets worse before it gets better. With regards to meds my son has been on betablockers for nearly 3 years, he is convinced they work but I doubted it. He has had a pretty tough few weeks, the worst we have had in the 3 years, and after calling me at work in Tuesday screeming he was dying and i needed to get home urgently and get him help things have changed. I called the GP who saw him straight away ( he was a SR himself and had panic attacks ) and he did a thorough check up and convinced my son he was physically well. He then upped his meds from 20mg per day to 80mg per day, and last night was the first night for i don't know how long we all got a full nights sleep. I am hoping the new dose has done the job.

Your daughter isn't happy with what she is doing but feels she is in control so that makes her feel better. I have always been told that they will find their way when they are ready. We went throught he not seeing specialists etc but now he is more than happy to seek help and takes on board what he is told.

Hang on in there -BUT WHEN WILL EVERYONE IN AUTHORITY REALISE THAT SR IS A PROBLEM !!!!

Sarah x