Why do we fall so much harder when things take a backward step, my boy hasn't made it into tuition this week, and I coped really bad with it, I feel terrible tonight because I reacted the way I did and he feels bad because he couldn't make it, he's really down tonight, doesn't feel like eating dinner, feels like he's let us down. I think we maybe pushed to much at the meeting last week......................

tomorrow is another day....

Take care everyone
Dorothy x

Dorothy - sorry to hear you are feeling so down about the step backward. I know how you feel - my son didn't go into school yesterday and I think it was the guilt that ate us both up - we just felt so drained. Today is another day - and I hope that you find the same. Even though we know we have steps forward and backwards - it doesn't help at the time, does it. Thinking of you - and hope things go better soon. Take care -
Linda

Dorothy - it's a blip and only a blip i promise. I feel for you i really do its the most awful feeling in the world. You know something every morning i wake up with that feeling is my no 2 son going to refuse - why do i do it to myself - he's a different child but I just can't help it. Every day when he comes back from school i quiz him and ask if everything is ok - this is totally the wrong thing to do but i need the reassurance.

Tomorrow is another day, if not next week is a new week. Don't get upset ( easy to say i know ) but he has done so so well.

Chin up matey, you know where I am if you need me.

Sarah xx

Me again. My son just woke up crying and refusing to go again. School has only been back this year two days and this is happening! I am so worried. It has never kicked in so early in the year before. I have kind of gone numb. I want to cry but know I can't afford to....and I know you, Dorothy are at the same stage - even though it is night time there! It does my brain in...now I feel like I just want to crawl back into bed too. I'll ring the CB therapist - time for some more sessions.
Oh well - as you say Sarah.....just a blip.....some blips are longer than others I guess and all are different. Take care everyone -
Linda

Morning all, hope you have a better day today. It so hard not to control all the feelings we have regarding our situation with our children and the constant worry about doing the right thing. Authorities make us feel inadequate parents, too soft, too caring, etc etc and this makes us feel the need to push our children harder even though we know it can't or won't make things any better. I keep telling myself that I know my son better than all these 'experts' and he needs me to be strong for him as well as myself at the moment. We all have 'blips' in our lives, even these 'experts' and they should remember that. If only they could walk a day in our childrens shoes to feel what they do maybe they would get more support with this. Good wishes to all dealing with this today and every school day. XXX

Dorothy,,,your absolutely doing the right thing. You listen to how your son feels and you feel right along with him. Kudos for the love! I know your doing A-OK because your son came right out with it and told you HE feels like he's letting you down. Tell him...try again tomorrow. You know he can do it. Keep up the confidence boosting..Above all please let him know he's not letting you down and you wont let him down. Remind him that you both will do whatever it takes to make him happy and healthy. In the meantime...Great Job. He still does communicate with you. Thats a huge plus. Have him keep a journal..with writing or artwork to describe how he feels. He will be proud every time he looks back and sees his success...so will you. Pat on the back for mom.

Thanks to everyone for the support, it really does make a difference.

Thinking of you all

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi All,

I remember 'blip' days ..... god they were awful at first, we both felt terrible and as if we'd let each other down in some way. Of course we hadn't.
Eventually I realised they were just 'blip' days, and if they ran into 2, 3 or 4 blip days, who mattered the most? My daughter! If she couldn't make it, nothing I did would ease things for her, so I began to accept blip days and just go with the flow. I felt realy guilty though, mainly due to pressure from the authorities but they didnt seem to help our situation so why should I put my daughter through all that angst?
My advice to you is to step back and try not to put too much pressure on your young ones, PLEASE dont drag them into school, it will only make their fear worse, let them know you are on their side, they need you more than ever now. Dont give in to pressure from the professionals, let them see how bad things are then they will have to help!
I know its not easy, we had 5 years of it but as you know, my daughter M. is now at college and very very happy. She wrote a journal during the worse times and when she looks back now she realises how far she has come and it makes her feel good.
Your youngsters will get through it too, I promise. Sadly the feelings us parents have throughout all this, never go away, I often have days when I am worried my daughter may have a relapse but she seems happy and settled now, as college is so far removed from the regimented school.
Hang in there everyone .... it WILL get better I promise. (from someone who knows).

Sue and M.

Dorothy - hi ya hows it going ? Hope things have improved, but if they haven't next week is a new week.

Love to you both

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah

He didn't go in at all this week and our schools are off mon tue wed next week, I know this will continue to happen from time to time, I just think it was so hard because he was doing so well, I over reacted, if only we could take our own advice, we had a meeting with the psycologist on thu and she will speak to CAHMS again to see what imput they can give. On reflection I know he is still doing really well and we have come so far, thank you so much for your support.

How are things with you?

Take care
Dorothy x

Thinking of you both Dorothy.

You are a great mum and your son is very lucky to have you but I bet he knows that already.

Good luck to you both.

Sue and M. xx

Dorothy

We are ok ish. Home Education has now been raised to 3 hours per week but I am fighting for more - i don't see why my sons school funding can't all go to the home education services that are working so hard on our behalf. Some days i think we are getting there, but others well, not so good. He is now managing to get out of the house, and starting to see friends again at home which is a great step forward for him. I know he will never go back to school and i have accepted this which i think helps us all. Dont get me wrong I am not keeping him away and if the time came he felt it was right then i would back him 100% but i am just being honest with myself. Quite funny really, i went to make a coffee the other morning at work and our cleaner was in there. Shes a lovely young girl about 19 and is at college doing really well. As we chatted i was asking her about how her studies were going and she proudly told me she was doing well for saying she hadn't been to school for 6 years ooooh she had school phobia - so there you go a light at the end of the tunnel.

Anyway the ashing up calls.

Love to all

Sarah xx

Some years ago, I got talking to our office cleaner. She had a school refuser son - the first time I had met someone else with a similar problem.

She and her son were being taken to the Children's Panel (a Scottish thing, but equivalent to be taken to court). Her defence was that she got no support. Guess what - the allocated Social Worker failed to turn up!

They had to go back a second time - and the Social Worker failed to appear again!

The Children's panel got the message, but she remained without the help and support she needed.

Simon - We have always said that there is a common element - hey it must be our cleaners - got to laugh as we'd cry.

Sarah xx