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my rights as a parent Feb 17, 2011 - 11:47AM

Just found this website and forum - great to know we're not alone. My daughter (Yr 7 of secondary school) has been off school for 6 weeks. This also happened in Yr 4 of primary school. We are currently on 'unauthorised absence' and I am very confused about what we should do to satisfy the legal aspect of her being off school. The school arranged a meeting with the EWO and CAMHS but are now suggesting we should get a GP referral to CAMHS as a matter of urgency (in which case this meeting will then be cancelled). I've offered to see the EWO whenever she wants, but am unsure about CAMHS as our previous experience was not good. My daughter has started talking to a private counsellor who was a life-saver for me last time round and it seems to make more sense to continue this relationship than to start another. Things are complicated by the fact that my daughter resists any intervention (including GP) so it's almost impossible to get her to see anyone. I'm told another option is to get the GP to refer to the private counsellor (which might satisfy the legal side of things?) but that we then wouldn't be eligible for any home tutoring if this ended up being the best solution. I don't know what to do for the best and there doesn't seem to be any consistency in what we are being told. Any advice welcomed!

Re: my rights as a parent Feb 17, 2011 - 12:36PM

Hi Susie,

I had the same with my daughter up to year 4 so a long time..everything was fine until year 6...now it's a daily nightmare...she has been to school three days this week...No one has mentioned the option of school work for home to me...just i have to get her in at all costs...easy to say!! CAMHS wouldn't deal with us as we didn't meet their criteria!! Have seen a nurse who wants me to keep a diary of what she eats (?)..

It doesn't seem to me anyone has the answer...as you say no one is consistant....But my EWO told me this is far more common than you know...so...why isn't there a plan for our children?

I wish you well Susie ..it's very hard!

Re: my rights as a parent Feb 18, 2011 - 8:43PM

Susie,

If you read through some of the past posts on the forum you'll notice there appears to be no consistency in how SR is dealt with. This doesn't help you! I know how important it is for our kids to have someone to relate to so at this stage I'd go with the previous counsellor if it helped in the past. That way you can at least give it a go and if that doesn't work you can try working through CAMHS and thus set up for more 'potential' support later. Did the previous counsellor use cognitive behaviour therapy - might we worth mentioning to them if they didn't - as it does seem to be a factor in all types of counselling that has the most positive outcome for anxiety.
Good luck and feel free to share your concerns on here - someone might be at the same stage or know more than me (( am not from the UK so can't speak personally about my experience with the system/authorities but I have learnt an awful lot about the UK system by being on the forum:-)
Hang in there -
Linda

Re: my rights as a parent Feb 19, 2011 - 1:34PM

Hi Susie,

Linda's right, there is no consistency with SR, all areas seem to work differently and therein lies the problem, once we have an idea that our youngsters are SR, it would be helpful if we had a planned route to go down, but unfortunately we just wander around in the dark most of the time.

My daughter had been seeing a private counsellor since Year 7, who seemed to help with her confidence etc but the 'professionals' were insistant that we give up the counsellor and see someone from CAHMS and their team. I dug my heels in but in Years 10/11 we were told that if we didnt give up the counsellor and 'get on board' they would discharge my daughter from their caseload, so we had to stop the private counselling. This may come as no surprise but we only received a letter from the CAHMS counsellor offering an appointment, a month AFTER my daughter had started college! Need I say any more?

Susie, I think you have to do what you feel is right for your youngster as far as counselling is concerned, as their welfare is paramount in all this.

You mentioned that the school had arranged a meeting with the EWO and CAHMS. (Amazing! I couldn’t get those two together at all!) I would suggest you continue with that meeting and see if CAHMS actually require a GP referral. I feel if you do as the school suggest and go down the GP referral route first, then it may take a long time before you get an appointment with CAHMS and early intervention is the key here.

Listen to the authorities and see what they can offer, if anything. As Simon says, write everything down so you have something to refer to, I carried a file everywhere with me, so I had dates/information etc to hand.

Stay strong, and remember, a parents instinct is important and shouldn’t be brushed aside, we know our children and what’s right for them!

Smiles!

Sue and M.

Re: my rights as a parent Feb 19, 2011 - 5:05PM

Thanks so much for all the replies – really helpful. Does anyone know if I have a right to make direct contact with the EWO? Is 'authorisation' of the absence (via a GP referral) for the school's benefit or for the EWO? Sue mentions that the 'professionals' insisted her daughter give up private counselling in favour of CAMHS - was this the school, the Welfare team or someone else? My understanding was that the main disadvantage of going the private referral route was that we would then not be eligible for any free home tutoring (but I wouldn't hold my breath for this anyway!), but I'm aware we would also be 'bucking the system' which might lead to other consequences further down the line.I just want to make an informed decision, but it's proving so difficult....

Re: my rights as a parent Feb 19, 2011 - 6:42PM

Hi Susie,

In the 5 years of SR, I never even met the EWO or the SENCO.I believe you can make contact direct with the EWO and the SENCO though, just phones the school as ask tyo speak to them. When I worked in a school, the 'authorisation' was needed for the school figures.

By ‘professionals’ I meant a team in our area called the Integrated Support Services, the school told me about them when I begged for some help getting M. into school. If I hadn’t asked for help, I feel sure that no one would have even been aware of my daughters absence other than the Head of Year.

I found ISS had no understanding of SR and in fact the manager had little empathy and the meetings with her were very patronising and certainly didn’t bring out the best in me. Personally I’ve found it a tough road, as we ‘slipped through the net’ in Year 8/9, so I don’t want to cloud your opinions with my viewpoint.

My advice to you is to get the ‘professionals’ ie CAHMS/EWO on side, even if you don’t agree with them, be firm with your opinions and keep notes. I’m not too sure of the legal side of things so I cant really help you further with that, but I know there are others on this site who can.

Good Luck Susie.

Hugs.

Sue and M.