Hi

Just sharing my frustration and how we just never seem to know if our kids are really ill or not. Turns out my son has laryngitis! I thought he was putting on not being able to speak so that he could appear worse so that he didn't have to go back to school. Now I feel awful for not having the sympathy. But I also feel so mentally exhausted from trying to get him to school last week and failing and then this and now the doctor says it might take a week. Then the grade goes on camp and he is not going.....that will be nearly 3 weeks of no school - I shudder to think of how that will be for him to return. Sometimes I just feel I can't keep going but I know many of you feel the same and this helps me to try and pull myself together and give my son the support he needs. Thanks for whoever is listing:-)
Linda

Linda

We are all listening and you have our support.

The signs were there last night with my son and here I am trying to coax him out of bed to get him into tuition at 2.30.........................

Take care
Dorothy x

Good luck Dorothy. I am very hard on my second son and everytime he is unwell i take him to the doctors - to the point 2 weeks ago he was admittted to hospital after seeing the GP. He is still unwell after half term so again back to the doctors this morning. He is waiting for a scan next Monday but school wanted him in after seeing the GP today, but he is in so much pain I kept him off. Why do I feel guilty ?

Sarah x

I know what you mean, it can be very difficult to tell a genuine illness and sometimes even if they are ill you just want them to go in because they have missed so much school. I am seeing the EWO tomorrow and had a chat with her on the phone today, she seemed very helpful and definitely doesn't want to prosecute. She wants to discuss some ideas about maybe reducing my son's timetable, but I want to get a few more CBT sessions under our belt before doing anything drastic at the school. I hope everybody in the UK enjoyed the half term as much as I did. My son didn't go in today, the first day back is always difficult, but his CBT therapist called him at home when he found out he wasn't in which was a very positive thing for my son. So feeling a bit more positive about tomorrow, especially as he knows I am going in for the EWO meeting in the afternoon.

Anne

Anne - it sounds as though your EWO is going to be helpful that must be a great relief - good luck with the meeting tomorrow
Sarahx

Thanks everyone for listening. I feel a bit calmer this morning. I had a continuous headache every day for the past 5 days - stress and frustration. I think there is also an element of frustration from the dependency our kids have on us - do others find that also weighs them down at times?
Good luck Anne - let us know the outcome.
Linda

Hi Penny,

That must be even harder with your daughter nearly 17 - I do feel for you. I know I keep pushing the CB Therapy - but did your daughter try that at any stage?
There is also something called 'Mindfulness therapy' which is used in conjunction with CB sometimes and it helps those with anxiety focus on the moment rather than keep worrying about the future or past.
Good luck - and I hope your daughter can start to take steps towards more independence soon.
best wishes,
Linda

Hi Penny and Linda,

Gosh I know just how you both feel.
My daughter is 17 in June and although she attends college now, she rarely goes out. She still prefers to be at home in her 'safe' environment. She has made a couple of friends at college but the 'situation' has to be just right for her to go out with them ie. small group, familiar territory etc.

I can't actually remember a time when I didn't have my little 'shadow' with me.

Sue x

Ironically I have a dog of that name! And she follows me everywhere too.

I am so glad you have all mentioned this as my ex just doesn't get it. He thinks I either cause or add to the anxiety by the closeness my son has to me (which I can see is a result of the anxiety but he can't). This of course creates the situation of my son being even closer to me because he says his dad doesn't believe in him or understand and so sometimes refuses to go to his dads. Instead of letting that go or chatting to him about it or even going and kicking the ball instead - his dad tries to force him.

We had a lovely holiday this week whilst the grade 6s were on camp - the psychologist said it was a terrific idea to show my son that it wasn't his fault that he was so anxious he couldn't go on camp. My ex thought it was a ridiculous idea and made sure we heard about it when we got back - telling my son to his face that he was a 'mummy's boy'. My son of course was in tears about that (another thing the ex hates as it is not manly enough). My son is not a 'mummy's boy' whatever that is anyway but my son was terribly upset to think he might be. But with that attitude from his father who then got in the car and went home - I was left holding my son in my arms crying his eyes out- making my son feel even closer to me!!
Anyway - off the track a bit there. I am sure there are differences of opinion in households with both mum and dad as this is no easy situation to deal with but with his father only seeing him every second week - he sees what he wants to see and blames me/us. I'd love him to just work with us - tell his son he knows his anxiety and the symptoms are real and give him the support he needs.

You guys have just been wonderful in saving me from falling in a heap - thank you so much - you understand when I seem to be surrounded by people who don't.
Take care everyone -
And Sarah....how is your second son? You have been having a rough time lately I hope things get better just round the corner.
Linda

Hi Linda - please don't talk to me about ex husbands - i actually don't know if he knows if my son goes to school or not i just don't bother telling him anything anymore.

With regards to son no 2 - he had his scan Monday and he doesn't appear to have anything "nasty" if you know what i mean -which is a huge relief so just more tests, but he has seemed so much better this week, thank you for asking.

Hope everyone is ok

Sar xx

Hi Penny

Funny you talking about your daughter having a boyfriend, it could be just what she needs. I say this as up to about 14 i had seperation anxiety from my parents - slightly different to school refusal as i did go to school and did go out but wouldn't be left at home if my parents weren't there looking back i must have been a nightmare, but i had a boyfriend at about 14 and it made the world of difference to me and after about 6 months i was a changed child. Looking back i wonder if this is something that my son inherited from me, maybe the anxiety but he is fine on his own it's just ( can i say the S word ?) school and going out so total opposite really.

Anyway long may it continue, and as long as she is happy then that makes the world of difference.

Love to you both

Sar xx