Hello, I am Sharon, my son is 14yrs old and has been a school refuser since the age of 11. I am in despair with the whole situation! We have tried everything possible! He has missed so much school that I am worried he will not get through or even be at school to do his GCSE's. He is so very intelligent and clever that it breaks my heart that he finds it so hard to go to school. I too have been to no end of meetings at the school but still the problem goes on! He gets anxious, cries, feels small and insignificant and expresses he is afraid of the crowds of pupils, it makes him feel claustrophobic! If anyone tries to force him to go then he just becomes anxious, bangs his head against a wall, locks himself in the car, runs away, shouts abuse etc. I just wish there was something I could do and that there was more support out there for both of us!!

Sharon - what is his attendance at the moment or is he totally refusing ? Have you been referred to CAMHS or has your GP been involved? have the school offered assistance in getting him back ?

It seems all our children are clever kids and your son is the same age as mine. I have had to fight for everything but have had some good support.

Dont be on your own we will all help as much as possible.

sarah xx

Hi, thank you very much for replying. Yes I have got all the necessary people involved, the docs are no help whatsoever, the school do their best and have the Learning Mentor, Pastoral Support Advisers working with me and my son. The local Social Services keep messing about and so far haven't done much, they are useless!

My son does go to school occasionally and achieves top grades in nearly all subjects, hates PE and PSHE but loves Maths & Science and excels in both subjects! I am now waiting for the new Education Welfare Officer to contact me, hopefully tomorrow. I have now also wrote a letter to my local MP to see if he can strengthen my support.

How strange our children are the intelligent ones!

Thank you once again, it's good to know I'm not alone.

Hi Sharon,

Welcome to the site!

We all know what you are going through as we've all been there.

My daughter didnt attend school from Year 8 onwards but with a little home tutoring, she managed to pass enough GCSE's to get into college.
So never give up hope, our children are very intelligent and given the right surroundings they can excel.
Education doesnt have to be right here right now.

You seem to be doing all the right things. Just hang in there, stay strong and let your son know you are on his side.

Take care.

Sue and M. x

Sharon - never ever feel alone there is always someone here to listen and of course we do understand. I have shared highs and lows its so nice to share our experiences with like minded parents. i too saw our mp and he was fantastic so go for it. i also wrote to the prime minister and he has referred me to the dept of health so waiting for them to contact me.

It is so stressful for all concerned, parents children and siblings as i have found out today, but i think that has been sorted now, a blip hopefully. when did your problems start ? my son struggled with the transition from primary to senior school - hey over 3 years on i can see a light.

I have to say now i am getting the support but it has taken a very long time.

If you ever ever need to talk, let me know and i will e mail you my number, that goes for anyone.

take care

Sarah xx

Welcome, Sharon. We know how you are feeling. My son is 11 but this has been going on since he was 6. Our kids all seem to be intelligent.
Have you tried Cognitive Behaviour Therapy? I find working with the psychologist who uses this approach has helped my son get back to school after having total meltdowns that go on for days or weeks and they say it is best to have a series of sessions over about 10 weeks. We haven't quite had that luxury yet but have found a significant change of attitude when we do work with her. Before this therapy I might be able to get him to school but his attitude was very negative and so he was always angry and became depressed easily. Now he goes ok unless he has a meltdown (which occur out of the blue) or is sick (cold or flu etc) and finds it very hard to go back.
My son hasn't been able to get to soccer training the last two weeks. Same kind of thing as going to school - new group of people - too unsure about 'what ifs' etc and becomes so anxious he becomes ill. We will be working with the CB therapist regarding this next week. Seems if it is not one thing it is another - and that is the nature of SR/anxiety. Let us know how you go - don't despair - there are stories on this site about kids who have made it through. But do check out Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.
best wishes,
Linda

Sharon - yes i agree with Linda CBT has given my son his life back, and the panic attacks have just about gone, although he still doesn't go to school he is so much better, and if he was younger i would say he had a chance of getting back there, but at this stage now i am going to stick with the home tuition, get him to gain more confidence which will help him in moving forward into adulthood. Don't get me wrong he couldn't handle it right now but to start taking the chance would be wrong and we would be back to square one and have to apply for home tuition again - he takes his GCSE's in 12 months. One thing he is going to do is try and go to school for his art lesson with his home tutor with him and school are going to look and see if they can help provide an art teacher for him on a one to one basis - nothing definate but how helpful is that- I take back everyhting i have said !! ( well not all )

But yes CBT, i doubted it but it's brillaint.

Sar xx

Hi Sharon

welcome to the site, as has been said, we all understand what you are going through, we may not know all the answers but you will get tremendous support here, my peice of advice is, beleive in your son and go with his thoughts and feelings.

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi Sharon

I am sorry that you are having such a hard time, but as you will see from this site there are many of us with bright, intelligent children like your son who are unable to cope in the education system. This site is definitely a good place to get support and advice, and sometimes just have a good rant

Anne