I know this is nothing to do with SR, but could do with some advice regarding my youngest son.

My SR son has always been a "home bird" never venturing very far because of his anxieties, but as i have said before son 2 is very different.

He will be 12 next month, and wants more freedom - ie going out more to the park and cinema with his friends, and gets annoyed with me for keep checking up on him. Don't get me wrong it's during the school holidays and early evening well before it gets dark, but i am so unsure if i am doing the right thing as i don't know alot of his friends as he has only just started seeing them since staring his new school. I keep asking him to bring them round so i can meet them, but they just want to hang around the park and play footie. The problem being when i am at work my mum is at home with the boys, so i don't know where he has gone, and often doesn't answer his mobile.

I know i sound very paraniod, but then again like all of us we have been under so much pressure with SR i just can't afford to get it wrong.

Sar xx

What are your thoughts ? at what age did you give your children more freedom ?

Hi sarah,i also have a child who will be twelve soon.she goes out with her friends and as long as she rings me every couple of hours thats fine.she is so different from her sr brother he has never liked to go and stay at anyone elses house but my daughter loves too.i think you have to give him some freedom and just get him to ring you every couple of hours just to say im ok.good luck

Thanks Donna - it is just so hard as he is very head strong and if he thinks he won't answer his phone he won't - and only calls when he wants something. I think girls are far more sensible than boys at times.

After i read the thread i had posted i though i sound so paraniod but it frightens me to death.

Thanks once again

Sar xx

hi sarah it frightens me too! as girls are getting as bad as boys.also there are so many gangs in london now.my daughter is sensible but its not her who may cause the trouble.my sr son can be very sensible but is very loud and got abig gob so i worry so much when he does go out ,but at moment hasnt been out on his own for about 13 weeks!i childmind so he has company but younger children.we are currently waiting for cbt so hoping it will make adifference!!!!!

We are quite fortunate that we live on the edge of a small town in a village environment but it is still quite busy, but i have to give him some freedom - i wonder if i hadn't got a child with anxities would i be any different - who knows !!

With regards to CBT - wow it has made such a difference to my son - i know he will never go back to school but he is starting to gain confidence in himself.

We have an appointment with a speach and language specialist tomorrow - not really sure what they can do but we have to give it a go - he couldn't go into the last appointment as he had a panic attack.

On the whole i am pleased with his progress - just sitting here in the lounge and watching him and 3 pals playing in the garden fooling about - never thought i'd see that again. Well done son.

Love to all

Sar xx

hi sarah,yes we are hoping the cbt will help with my sons anxieties.he is currently at home as school still trying to get him back in even though i know they will not succeed!my son was assessed by speech and language and i have nt heard anything back yet.you are very lucky to live in avillage .we had thought about moving to newcastle but thought connor would still have anxiety wherever he is.last yr we actually got him on an aeroplane he hates public transport!.would love to see my son interacting with his peers as hes not very good at that bit!!!!he gets very loud and rough!

Hi Sarah and Donna,

I have followed your thread with interest. Having only the one child and having SR - this has not become an issue although he is 12 this year. However, my friends are facing similar anxieties regarding their kids and one whose son started secondary school this year just told me that she still won't let him 'hang out' as such, especially not with new friends he has made as she just doesn't know them. During these holidays she lets him spend more time with friends he had before secondary school and he just has to put up with it. He was allowed to visit a new friend at his house with the mum home. She says she will give him more freedom as she gets to know more about his new friends.
I don't know if that helps! I think everyone with kids growing up will face this, Sarah - so you are definitely not paranoid.
Good luck and nice to hear your son is going better in regards to mixing with his peers. Hope yours finds his confidence soon, Donna.
Interested that you both mention speech and language assessment. What is this and why do they conduct this? Do your sons have a speech problem? Or is this to pick up a hearing - speech - language construction type issue that may not be obvious?
Best wishes,
Linda

hi linda the speech and language assessment for my son was because he has problems with getting on with his peers and they think it may be how he reacts and talks to them.we also think his social skills need some work.i am trying to get him assessed again for adhd and aspergers!!!!

Hi we had the speach and language session today - and to say it was over pretty quickly is an understatement. The specialist asked me alot of questions which i did answer but said she was best of talking to my son who sat next to me - after his blushes he did answer and when he spoke i think she was a little surprised as he speaks very well, and because he is well read his answers were very well explained - if you know what i mean. She asked if he had trouble reading peoples expressions which he doesn't and asked about sarcasm - did he understand that ?? Understand it - he wrote the book lol. She wasn't really sure what they could offer in terms of help which i don't think they can but we attended the appointment because we were referred by CAMHS.

With regards to CAMHS as you know i have always rated them, but my son really dislikes going as he doesn't think they are helping - much prefers CBT. The question is - do i have to keep going to CAMHS because i have a SR - to be in the system ?

Sar xx

My Opinion Only

No call every hour no go!

I watched my friend go through this with her 12 year old son and he was a complete follower who ended up into trouble. It is a very impressionable age. 12 is still young...just because they act 21..LOL...and buddy system...also...again just my opinion...meet the friends...if he doesnt want you too...that would make me suspicious...
No excuses...be strong...he needs to be responsible. You need to be able to trust him and to trust him means he needs to keep in touch with you or "grandmom" so you dont have to worry. Its a cruel world out their, they just don't seem to understand that at 12....

After all of my fears he's been a supastar. I sometimes think that because i have a SR people judge you, and yes they do, no matter how much they say they understand they think oh just make them go to school it can't be that hard.

I do need to try and calm down about things a little, and even now i have sorted my my sons education out and he doesn't have to go back to school these feelings still stay with you no matter what.

Must go now as my lovely sons have cooked my tea for me as it's my birthday (oooops 45)

have a fab Easter everyone

love to all Sarah xx

Belated Happy Birthday wishes, Sarah!
Have a happy Easter, everyone!
My son refused to go to counsellor this morning - but I guess it was expecting a bit much during the holidays!
Linda

Linda

My son is refusing CAMHS full stop - he says they gone on about negatives too much and the past is the past he wants to move forward and look at his positives - can't blame him really !!

Thanks for the birthday wishes - at 45 i don't get too excited lol

HAPPY EASTER ALL

Sar xx

hi sarah and linda,my son has not seen anyone from camhs for nearly a yr they attend meetings.he is being re-referred because he didnt get on with the lady he seen.the school keep saying hes well enough to go to school but no one knows as no one has seen him and hes definately not going back to the referral unit where he is with kids who make his anxiety worse!!!hope you all have arelaxing easter Donna

Donna - are the children at the referal unit not at school for different reasons ? Our pru's have 2 units - 1 for children with illness including sr and one for expelled children- they don't mix.

My son is going to start doing an afternoon at the unit week after next and see how he gets on. He will be in a seperate room with his tutor and will only integrate if he chooses so i am really pleased with that.

Does anyone know if i can discharge my son from CAMHS or do we have to go legally as he is ot going to school ?

Sar xx

hi sarah no in merton there is only one unit they are mixed so he used to come home with lots of stories he said everyday someone kicked the door in on his lesson .my son was sent there for medical reasons but they are mixed after acouple of weeks