what do other school refusers do all day?

I dont want my DD to sit around watching TV all day - she is too oppsitional to do any work sheets etc

I do feel guilty I am not managing to help her do anything - sometimes its 7 days she wont even leave the house

Hi

I think it varies from person to person - day to day - child to child.
My son either refuses to do any work or creates such a fuss about it that it doesn't happen. TV gets banned on and off but I can't seem to ban it completely - which I would prefer. Their motivation seems to be at an all time low when they are home as I guess they feel just as guilty as us.

The only thing I can say that helped was when my son's teacher decided that
sending some work via email that involved my son having input to group activities did get him somewhat motivated to do something. If I am home I also try to take him to the shops (as long as they are far away from school) with me even if he sits in the car - I take him to my mums etc. He grumbles of course.

I have had to forget the ideas of what to do if he stayed home. I envisaged an educational experience where we will 'create art together' or read books or plant seeds in the garden! That would be home education but our kids are unfortunately 'in between' neither at school or being home educated. We can only do our best and motivate them if we can and keep the TV to a minimum (and computer etc). But if they are home alone - then we can't live with that guilt either. As I say - you can only do your best given the situation. Are you receiving help from the school? Psychologists?
All the best,
Linda

thank you for your reply

I feel so guilty that I cant manage to get my DD to do much - I try to limit TV etc - but as she wont leave the house or do anything in the house its so hard

Hi

Is the school supportive in any way? Can you get them to supply any work? What help are you getting at the moment?
Linda

It is so difficult as they can't motivate themselves - we have had the same problem. I found my son was on facebook earlier today as he doesn't have a tutor on a Thursday so I messaged him to ask what he thougt he was doing ( I was at work ) his reply was i'm on facebook the same as you !! I don't mind too much as it is a way of him keeping up to speed what his friends are doing.

We have a review meeting next week - not too sure what to expect only that my sn has done everything asked of him including school work.

Hope you are all ok.

Sar xx

school work is very difficult here - it reminds her she is missing school and she desperately wants to go

she also has got mental health problems and developmental trauma disorder - so its hard to get her to do things anyway

I feel so bad that she isnt really getting any education - no meetings or anything until we are seen by CAMHS in june who will decide of they will help us or not

she also didnt help herself because she pinched some perfume out the ed psychs hand bag and wont tell me where it is

PS to clarify things a bit - my daughter is adopted and in a special school for educationally fragile , which she loves. we may loose the funding for it as its very expensive and there are only 20 places in the whole school

I have been told if she does loose it there is no where else for her to go to be educated

social services find it easier to blame me and want to force her in - we went through this 2 1/2 years ago and she was completely re traumatised by it all

I dont want that to ever happen again

My heart goes out to you, and yes it is so easy to blame the parents when we are all doing our very best in such difficult circumstances. Why doesn't anyone give us a little bit of sympathy and understanding.

Please stay strong.

Sar xx

Hi,

So sad to hear about your daughter.
I too used to worry about my daughter not getting any education but our youngsters are bright and they will catch up.
As Sarah said, my daughter also used to go on social network sites but it was a way of staying in contact with the outside world, so I didn't mind too much.
Looking to the future used to upset me so much, wondering what would happen to my lovely daughter and how she would cope in the big wide world. Our youngsters make their own way, they just may not take the same route as others.
My advice is to just take it one day at a time. When I took that decision, the stress in our household became so much easier to deal with and my daughter felt better in herself.
You are a good mum, doing all you can, so let your daughter know you are on her side whatever happens and things will work out ok eventually. I promise.

Hugs.

Sue and M. x

Hi,

Sorry to hear that things are very stressful at the moment. Like the others say, we just have to move on from worrying about what they are doing in the here and now. We might have had different expectations re what our kids might do with a full on education but by lowering those expectations it does help everyone.
Perhaps taking the perfume was something she was able to do on the spur of the moment because her adrenalin was up with the anxiety. Can you just show your feelings and then move on or is the Ed Psych going to make a big scene?
Being adopted may or may not be an issue in fact. Only you can know that but if our kids are all going through these traumas then it can it seems happen to any of them no matter what their background. Unfortunately in your case it compounds the problem.
Will the 'Special' school provide any work? Do they realise she actually wants to go. Surelly they can speed up the meeting with CAMHS?
Hang in there - you are doing all you can.
Linda