Hi to everyone
I have been struggeling for about 6 weeks with my 11 year old son, who has refused to go to school.
He has been having councilling for facial ticks for the past few months, then they stopped and an overwhelming fear of school started.
He complaines of a stomache ache about 5 mins before he is about to leave, followed by diarrhea before and during school, he is normally sent home from school, but we have now got the school nurse to keep him there.
Some other symptoms he shows are, dropped out of his football team, he cannot be left alone in the house for any period of time (nipping to the shop 2 doors along), he if currently in a group for children with anxiety problems which does not seem to be helping, he will not talk about these problems which makes it very diffacult.
I have a meeting with his school later to which i will discuss school avoidence ( i only heard about this last night when looking through the internet).
Any way, good to find a forum where parients can share experiences
Thanks

Welcome Peter

We have all been where you are now, read through the threads, you may not get all the answers to your questions but you will get tremendous support here.

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi Peter - well that has bought a tear to my eye - memories of 3.5 years ago. Is your son year 6 or 7 ? Our problems started yr 7 - first year at senior school.

Keep a daily diary of everything - you may need this if the problem continues as you can show you are co-operating.

You will find so much support here - anything you want to ask just post and one of us will try and help. As Dorothy said we may not have all the answers but we have lots of experience.

Good luck

Sar xx

Hi Peter,

Welcome!
As Sarah mentioned, keep a diary of all phone calls, letters, meetings etc as it helps when you are with professionals and you are asked to recall previous conversations. My mind always used to go blank when put on the spot, so my trusty folder helped me no end, I took it everywhere with me.
You will find a great deal of support on this site, I couldnt have got through without the friends I've made on here.
Glad you've found us.

Sue and M. x

Hi Peter,

How did the meeting with the school go?
Were they helpful?

Take care.

Sue and M. x

Hi Peter,

I am glad you found the forum. I have found everyone on here so helpful as they understand the situation when so many others don't. So feel free to share your struggles and ask questions as many of us have found ways to move forward.
My son is also 11 and what you describe is certainly something we struggle with too. Our situation has been going for 5 years unfortunately but it seems to often kick in at the first year of secondary school.
My son hates me to go out of the house too and it is a huge effort to keep him going in his football team (rarely makes it to training and has difficulty on match day). We are having Cognitive Behaviour Therapy which I believe in strongly in regard to anxiety but your son does have to want to try these methods. If the school don't come up with the help it certainly might be worth your while looking into Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (we go private). We are in Australia so things are a bit different but I have learnt an awful lot about the UK system being on here and there are others who really can point you in the right direction in regard to the support you will need.
It does sound like your son has the typical School Refusal which may have started from kids being unkind about the facial ticks? Whilst getting your son to school is a struggle - at this age the best thing is to keep trying to get them there as it can improve their confidence and help further down the track. No easy task - we have good days and bad days and good weeks and no go weeks - but the main thing has been to have the school supporting with some work being sent home. Read through some of the older posts here or do a search and you might find some help that you haven't yet thought about.
Stay in touch -all the best ,
Linda

Peter,

We have been struggling with our own problems recently, so I have been neglecting the site, which is why it has taken me so long to respond. Others have (they are a supportive bunch!), but I wanted to ask about the facial tick.

Our eldest has this problem. It seems to manifest itself at times of stress, though this may not be apparent at the time (eg he can have a tick when relaxing in a family environment during the exam period)

His tick was diagnosed as Tourette's. However, this does not seem to be holding him back, but I can see how it could easily add to anxiety and reduce self esteem.

I hope the meeting went well?

Hi to everybody
Thank you all for your support and your positive suggestions have really helped me and my wife to have a better understanding of the best way forward.

I have spoken to the school on Friday afternoon and raised the question about school phobia, The lady was a school psychiatrist, she told me that a few members of staff had commented on my sons behavour, i explained to her my fears in that these issues will not go away on there own. She gave me some examples of other children in the school with simular problems and how well they are doing, we agreed the next step would be that she is going to contact my sons councillar and ask him for a detailed diagnosis of the anxiety, she then wants to have a meeting with us all to find the best way forward.

Monday morning are always a little troublesom, this morning was no exception, i have been a lot more calm with my son, so he ended up going in half hour late then straight to the nurses office, I spent the half hour trying to ask him to try and break down the fears to get a better understanding of the issues, he told me it was just school.
Through parients who have gone through these problems is there a good way to approach talking to your child which will allow them to open up.

With regards to my sons ticks, they have all stopped now, overnight with the start of not wanting to go to school, the ticks would change every couple on months, from rolling his eyes, to making a sound like tutting (he would do this wile eating and watching TV, and he had no idea he was doing it), the ticks have come and gone for the past few years.

In reading through past comments, I have stopped my son from drinking Cola and eating chocolate, he did really well for the last 3 days of last week, he went to school with no crying (though he did go to the nurses office though) he went to a few lessons, so I will keep the cola and choc thing up and tell you hows thats going.

Also the diary is going well and a really good idea

Anyways, i thank everyone again for the comments as it really helps.
Peter

Hi Peter,

Glad to hear that you had a good meeting with the school psychiatrist. Hopefully they will work with you and help your son to move forward.
As far as a way to get the kids to open up. My son has never been able to pin point a specific problem. For him it seems it is the actual getting to school that sets up the intense fear and breakdown. He tells me he doesn't like school, finds the work boring (or hard), sometimes he mentions a kid who might have pushed him....but generally there is nothing specific. This is why the problem of School Refusal is pretty hard to deal with as a parent as we feel if there is something specific perhaps we can talk about it and move on. My son has to learn to change his negative thoughts about getting there and is perception of how bad school is when he wakes up in a morning. Schools is not that bad and he knows that on a good day but when the anxiety hits he cannot see this so there is no way of reasoning with him. Very frustrating as a parent, as you have discovered.

If there is an issue that your son feels is the problem then it might come out later but don't be surprised if he can't verbalise the problem.
Good luck and keep posting - those of us who have been dealing with the issue for longer and more than happy to help others on this site in the best way we can. There is no magic answer - but lots of support here.
It was good that you got him to school and yes - being patient is the key sometimes but we are all human!
All the best ,
Linda

Hi Peter,

I'm glad the meeting with school went well. You are already halfway there if you have their support. As you will notice on this site, not all schools are the same and support from other agencies varies depending on the area that you live in.

One thing we didnt get for a very long time was a 'diagnosis'. you may find profeassionals will not entertain your sons problems unless you have a confirmed diagnosis. When we had this, things were easier.

Also my daughter has never been able to verbalise her reason for being scared of school. She is 17 in two weeks and still cannot say why. So my advice is not to question your son too much as it may increase his anxieties. Just accept things as they are and things will run more smoothly. I think its great news that he can get into school occasionally and dont worry how many times he goes to the nurse. At least he feels he has a 'safe' place to go, which is a good thing.

Good luck to you both.

Sue and M. xx

Hi To everyone
It has been a while now since i last visited the forum but thought i would pop back to give an update whickh will hopefully help someone else.

I am not 100% what caused a sidden change in my son but at a point where we did not know what to do (around the same time our third boy was born in september), he just seemed to except the fact that he had to go to school, he still has occurances around every 2 weeks or after any school holidays (they are still pretty bad) when his anxiety levels are very high, to me it seems to have a lot to do with routine, he has to make sure everything he does in the morning are in the right order, get up, have breakfast, brush teeth, put deo spray on and if any of them are changed he starts to get loud, starts crying and saying he just cant do it today, he still does not go to his morning tutor, he goes straight to the nurses office, not the best thing but at least I can get him there.

Another factor was his cousin started at the same school in the september, but if his cousin has a day off for any reason, my son will refuse to go in the morning, you can normally tell he is going to do it the night before as he starts to say he does not feel well.

Anyway to anyone going through this i wish you the best and though it propbably never stops, it can get better.

Thanks for your kind comments from some months ago
All the best
Peter

Peter

Thats so good to hear, so happy that things are working out for your son,

Take care