Hi, I have taken my son to the doctor as i am so concerned by his anxiety and wishes of death. The doc gave him medication but.........my view is that his problems are only tied in with school,he has dyslexia, he has been bullied ,changed schools and bullied some more. He has been in a safe haven unit at school and could cope until they tried to reintergrate him into classes where he found things difficult to cope. He has developed IBS and has meltdowns as others on here discribe. If not at school he does not have any of these stress problems although he does not really have many friends. I cannot afford to home tutor him as i work fulltime, but ifeel some alternative education would be helpful to him. Does anyone know where i can start to get help please, who do i approach? Where do i look? Thanks any advice would be gratefully accepted .

Hi Julie - i will drop you a note tomorrow as i need some sleep now ( been on facebook for too long tonight ) so hang in there we will all help as much as possible.
Sarah xx

Thanks. Ha yes, FB is a bit like that isnt it, although i am nt a great computer buff i can find my way around FB ok. Well I have been reading some more of the posts on here and i am amazed at how similar my sons life story is to others. when my son has attempted to go to school he has to live with name calling, punching and then grass on a daily basis. He was doing very well in the safe haven until one member f staff returned to work after being sick and pressed him to quickly into reintergating not giving him enough time. it is sad he seems to have come to the point of believeing that he is only worthy of name calling. I am most concerned now that the doctor has given him anti depressants to help him feel better, this makes me very uneasy and i wonder if you have been in the same position and what your views are? I think if he needs drugs so that he can attend school then something is very wrong. Thanks i look forward t reading your views, thanks Julie

hi julie,you will find we all have similar stories.all our children atre bright and like your son my son doesnt like things to go to quick.everytime they try to intergrate him back into school he starts having panic attacks my son has never been given anti depressants.just meds for sleeping.our children have aright to have an education but it doesnt always have to be in school!.take care donna

Julie

First of all my son is on medication for his panic attacks and have done him the world of good so dont beat yourself up about it, I suppose it is easier for me as i have the most wonderful GP in the world who too suffered school phobia so he understands compeletely !! School is not for every child it can't suit everyone. I suppose i am in a different place to you at the moment as i have come to accept this is the way my son is, but it took along time to get there. I understand how difficult it is for you - i used to dread school mornings they were a nightmare believe you me. Right, so you have been to the GP, have you been refered to CAMHS ? Your GP or the school can refer you. I also found Parent Partnership extremely helpful - you will find your local office on Google. I am sure you feel very isolated at the moment, please don't. Your son just doesn't fit school, no shame on it and your son can still get an education. Don't get me wrong it isn't an easy road to go dowm but you will i promise get there. Keep a diary of everything to show you are trying. Keep in touch and if you need to talk i can e-mail you my number.

Stay strong and keep your chin up.

Sarah xx

Thanks Sarah, a lot of what you say makes good sense. My son did go to CAMHS sme time ago and the outcome was that it was a result from him having been bullied and we were told we needed to enlist the support of the school really although she did suggest a hospital school could maybe help. I am frustrated as i am not financially in a position t give up work t enable him to stay at home, which i would be prepared to do, although, i also feel that he is entitled to an education in a safe and happy environment and feel if this was provided my son would not need any meds, but i also think things have gone too far and if the safe heappy place was provided now i am not certain that he could cope. I cant understand why professionals do not seem to understand how to deal with it, yet i can see clearly that many people on this forum understand exactly what it is like. Thanks Sarah for your help, srry letting off steam a bit so many people look at me like i might be mad it is such a relief to find this site. Monday tomorrow, oh dear. Bye will chat again thanks.

Hi Donna, Thanks i agree our children are entitled to an education, sadly i cannot afford to stay at home even though the way things are going i might not have any choice. Isnt it heartbreaking to see your child so stressed and confused, it appears to me that professional people do not appear to understand and believe that i am an overbaring mother or worse still that my son is lying. I want to find an enjoyable way for him to learn in a happy,safe place, i dont know how he has put up with the abuse he has had from others on a daily basis no wonder he dreads it!! I may as well ask for the moon on a stick as i have more chance of getting that i think. Like your son my son also says that he does want to go to school but he just cannot do it and often he does not knw why. I think my son challenges himself everyday and is only able to continue in short bursts before he loses control again and cannot get out of the car. He now also has IBS due to stress. Thanks for sharing it really does help knowing that i am not actually mad. Cheers Julie

Hi Julie,

You are not mad at all! We do feel our sanity though - due to what we all go through. Sorry to hear you are so frustrated at the moment. There are lots of posts on here re suggestions for smaller schools - hourly tutoring in school units etc. Also if you do a search there are links for home schooling and an on-line schooling site in the UK (not that you wanted to go down that road). I have been unable to work outside home due to my son's condition and work at home is not much so I understand where you are coming from. I am also at the stage of wondering if medication is the way to go. Yet my son went in four days last week and off again this morning. Yet I know that the meltdown could happen tomorrow.

He also said going in last week was so hard that he became very depressed on Saturday and refused to get out of bed all day. He said no body understood him and his friends were no longer interested in him (trouble is they move on when he doesn't attend often enough). So he had to find other kids to hang out with - which is not good for our SR kids as they need familiarity. So I can see that it was hard. Your son also would find it enormously difficult (and this is energy wise as well) to get through a day at school so it is no wonder they have meltdowns again.

Sorry I have no magic or in fact practical help as I am in Australia but I hope that knowing we all understand on this forum at least helps you not feel alone.
I also always promote Cognitive Behaviour Therapy if you can find it or can afford it as it really does help turn around those negative thoughts. Works better with older kids I think but is something they can keep coming back to.
Stay in touch - just letting of steam as you say is important for you too - you need to stay strong. So feel free to just vent your frustration or anger - we are listening: -)
Linda

Hi Julie

Get your GP to refer your son to CAMHS if he hasn't already done so. If you can get a diagnosis of school phobia from them, then the school will have to provide home tuition. If there is a safe haven in school, then they shouldn't be pressing your son to reintegrate if he's not ready. CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health) should be able to help you and your son. Good luck.

Dianne

Julie

You are not mad and you can let off steam anytime we all need someone who understands - unfortunatley the professionals don't. I think you need to contact your local MP and Parent Partnership, for me both have been fantastic and set the wheels in motion.

No one on this forum is mad, just livid at not getting any help.

Love to all

Sarah xx

Hi Julie,

I agree with Dianne, GP/CAHMS/Diagnosis.
Once you have a diagnosis the professionals will listen a l'ittle' more. Its still a tough road but made slightly easier with a School Phobic diagnosis.
Let your son know you are on his side and if he cant get into school, so be it, his mental well being is whats important at the moment.
Not all youngsters are the same, even though society tries to put them all in the same little box. There is nothing 'wrong' with your son, he is just taking a different route to others as far as education is concerned. Its a difficult thing to accept but once you do, I promise you things will feel a little less stressed. We've all been there so we know how you must be feeling.
As my daughters counsellor said .... Education is out there anytime, it doesnt have to be right her right now.
Good Luck and remember to keep smiling.

Sue and M. x

Hi Sue

Glad you are still here - are you ok ?

Sarah xx

Thanks Sarah, livid is a true discription of the way i am feeling and i do feel misunderstood........or did feel misunderstood until i saw all of the comments and advice on this site. Lots to think about and actions to start in progress. Thanks x

Hi Linda, I am so sorry for your son your advice and knowledge has been very useful to read thanks. My son does sleep much more when things are stressful for him and The things that you describe really reflect how my son also suffers. I think it is so sad for our children and such a worry for us. Thankyou for sharing having found this forum is such a relief. Many thanks Julie.

Thanks Dianne, We did go to CAMHS but they said that it was due to bullying and these issues should be sorted out by the school. Since then things have yoyo d a bit but got progressively much worse at low points and really focused hard work at high points. I tried to reapproach them but they told us to take him to A and E....... i didnt want to do that because i felt if school was not on the agenda my son would cope. Sadly i think he has becme too low and i will probably revert to the medication. Your help is greatly appreiciated i am so glad i have found others that understand.... Thankyou.

Julie- my son hit a real real low about 18 months ago - boy what a time. Things will get better and you both will be stronger for it.

Take care

Sarx

Strikes me that our kids could do with a forum like this where they could talk to one another so that they know they're not alone.

Dianne

My son has posted messages on here before, im sure no one woould mind it they wanted to do that - then other children or parents can offer help and advise.

Sar xx

Hi Sarah,

There is a site for kids set up by two girls who suffered school refusal:
http://scared-of-school.webs.com/aboutus.htm
That is probably the best - for kids to relate to each other without adults peeping in on their postings and them being overwhelmed by reading our outpourings when they look to us for help.
Linda