Hi

This is the first time I have used one of these sites - my 15 year old son has been refusing to go to school for the last 2 years and now that GCSE's are looming I fear for his education. How did you go about arranging home tutoring?

Hi Jane

Welcome - you say your son has been refusing for 2 years - has he been into school at all in that time or is his refusal on and off ? Are you not getting help from a tuition centre or alternative provision centre ? What have education welfare suggested ?

Please let me know so we can try and help.

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah - nice to hear from you
My son has been attending school on & off, but more off than on. We didn't get anywhere with the school or CAMHS, so took him to a private therapist from November 2009 to October 2010 when he was discharged because he was attending school. All went well (just a few blips) until February 1/2 term this year when he started refusing again.

I took him to our GP and asked for another referral to CAMHS, but now it would appear he has to be referred by his school to their educational psychotherapist although they didn't want to do this originally. I signed the form for this just under 2 weeks ago and am waiting for a reply.

I haven't had any information about a tuition centre or alternative provision centre. I am relying on the professionals, and don't really know what else to do.

Jane

Jane - have the school tried a slow integration where he goes into lessons he is ok with and then build up to full time ? Do you know the reason he refuses is it due to anxiety ? Unfortuanelty the "professionals" don't always understand they just out our children down to being difficult. If your son hasn't been much since February then i suggest you ask for a CAF "Common Assessment Framework" meeting where all the professionasl come together to try and work out what to do for the best. You could ask if there is a pupil referal unit nearby - they should give you at least 5 hours per week tuition. I know it is a parents responsibility to get your child to school, but the system also have a duty of care to help. I saw our local MP who was very helpful and i have to say now after 3.5 years the school are being more understanding. I understand that your son is coming up to GCSE times - are the school sending any work home for you to do ? Sorry for going on so long it is difficult to get my point across - hang in there, you are not alone although it may seem at times you are. This site is great lots of support because we all know what you are going through. I know you wont want to say where you live but can you tell me what county you are in ? If you want to have a chat i can let you have my telephone number. Stay strong and it will get better.

Love Sar xx

Hi Jane and welcome.
Sarah has given you lots of good advice there - so hope you can find a way forward and either get your son back to school on and off again or at least get some home tutoring. Its a tough road, isn't it? Hang in there.
Linda

Thank you Sarah & Linda - it's good to know other people care.

We have tried reduced timetables and building up to full time in the past and it works for a while, then he starts missing days until he doesn't go at all. The school won't send any work home as they say this condones his behaviour.
His reason for not going to school is that he is scared, the other morning he was in tears and said he was petrified. He was bullied in middle school (mental) but that was sorted out and he says nothing has happened recently. He is very sensitive and takes everything literally.

Jane

Jane - i understand where you are coming from with the reduced timetable then it breaks down. Ok, so the school will not send work home for your son have you asked them what otherr help they can offer you ? are you in contact with the education welfare officer assigned to the school ? Our EWO was lovely so that helped. Do you have to call the school daily if he isn't going in ? that was one of the hardest things i had to do as i felt quite humiliated each time. Can you say what county you are in ? i feel it is a postcode lottery with regards to help which isn't fair at all.
It is so heart breaking to see our children is such as state it really is.

Take Care

Sarah
The offer for a chat still stands - i will do what i can to help you are not alone.

Take care

Sarah xx

I have heard that our local home tutoring service no longer goes into homes - its going to run in community centres - so not so handy for kids scared to go out anywhere........we are on the waiting list - but it could take time and I cant see her managing that anyway!

hope you get somewhere where you are

Home tutoring not going into homes? Seems like a trend.

However, I do have some sympathy for the education authorities who find that parents/carers use the time to slip out to do shopping, etc, leaving the tutors alone with the children, and with all the difficulties that are around that, I can see that they might be looking for alternative solutions. It is so sad, and seems a retrograde step - so lacking in trust.

I hope that they find somewhere that your child will feel confident in attending. It would be a good step forward if he could make it.

Simon

When my son has a tutor at home we legally have to be there as they are not allowed to stay without an additional adult, but yes i can see where you are coming from - if some abuse the fact they can use them as "babysitters"again the minority spoil it for the majority !!

Sarah xx

I had a really interesting chat with Human Rights Commission - if a local authority decides to 'switch off' home tuition (in my region they haven't got as far as switching it on yet - but that's the Highlands for you) - anyway if they stop providing a service that was being accessed by people with additional support needs, they have to prove that the alternative set-up continues to meet the needs of those affected. So it actually sounds like having home tuition provision and then deciding it's not going to be in the home anymore - is illegal! If this realy is a growing trend, I would recommend people get on to their MSP, MPs, etc - and speak to the Commission direct. My worry here is that if this becomes the norm, then there will be no prior position to compare to when making a complaint about a local authority - although I should imagine that the law would still protect children who cannot attend school, in which case the tuition should be in the home if the children are unable to leave the home to access it. Home tuition does not have to be provided by law, but failure to provide it can be deemed as discriminatory if it is the only method by which a child can access education ....