hi had a meeting today to discuss the ed phychs report.well thry agreed to refer for cbt but the senco at the referral unit he had been at kept saying he cant keep having 1-1 as they dont have the funds,and she kept saying after the cbt we have to get him to go back in i said my son was very frightened of the other children.her response was well he is just as bad he kicked doors and swore .i asked them why i wasnt told she said we had been ,shes lieing he was threatened with a plastic knife!!!the good thing was we are looking at another referral unit but only for vunerable kids not excluded for bad behaviour but only after the cbt. the senco is so negative.i really hate those meetings the parent partnership lady did stick up for me saying we are very supportuive parents.there was a new ed phych there she was really nice so maybe we will get some where with her heres crossing my fingers sorry just needed arant i didnt tell my son this though.....

Hi Donna,

You must feel so drained after those meetings. It seems they are not quite getting the full picture and nor are you by the sound of it, if they are not telling you about his outbursts. But if he is angry, as they say, then the unit is not doing him any good. He should be feeling secure there, not totally frustrated.

The anger thing - is that something you notice at home when he is frustrated? My son does seem to have an anger issue when he is frustrated with his anxiety. This means that he might over react to a situation that has nothing to do with it. So it is a difficult situation.

I hope that you can work with the cbt and see if that helps. Your son has to want to take it on board and hopefully he is at the stage where he wants to do that. And then I hope for all your sakes that a new unit might be the answer. Sounds like the parent partnership are very supportive - see if you can keep drawing on that support to get you through this difficult patch.

Feel free to rant! Better to share than bottle it all up. Take care and hope something turns up on the positive side very soon for you.
Linda

hi linda ,yes my son frequently gets angry he was assessed by the ed phych at camhs there diagnosis wa he has traits of as and adhd and has high anxiety which then he has poor social communications and is not very good with sorting out his emotions alot of the anger is frustration he is 14 now we have been trying to get him cbt for 18 months,the ed phych yesterday said she would like him to have some help before the cbt too so hopefully that will come.how is your son doing hoping he is good

hi Donna,

Can you afford to get any private help? I decided the school were not providing the help needed for my son so sought private psychologists for cbt and also for the psychiatrist. It was a lot of money but I felt it was worth it.

Initially we also went to a community counselling place run by the Catholic Church where they had a special unit for School Refusal. My son, they said, was not bad enough to get the intense/special counselling within the unit but did receive counselling by others involved. It was a start, even if it wasn't enough at the time. But they only charged what you could afford. Is there anything like that in the UK?

My son has actually had a really good term - the first time in a long time. I wish I had the answers regarding this but I just don't know. Friendships seem vital - and he does have friends that he wants to hang out with before they all go their separate ways next year (unfortunately only one boy in his group is going to the same school). So I can understand if you son is struggling with the social skills, to build up the confidence to face whatever other fears he has. Having the distraction of friends can help. Having said that - my son missed most of the first half of this year - so who knows!! We are no longer seeing psychologists or psychiatrists as all seems well but will return for CBT if things fall apart again.

So in the scheme of things - perhaps your son is just having a setback and there is light at the end of the road. I am sure he'll come through and with your support will find his strength slowly come back. As so many on here say, it is small steps with our kids. But see if you can get any quicker help - waiting that long for CBT is too long for your son when he needs what he can get now.
All the best -let us know how you go.
Linda