our son has aspergers syndrom and finds school very stressful to the point that although compliant and showing happy face at school, at home he is violent and is now self harmimg. he is 9.

he has been refusing school now for 2 weeks and we have already seen an improvemnet. since being of the LEA finally sent an EP to assess him though they are still refusong to even consider a statement.

anyway we are expecting a letter this week from EP outlining what she considers to be the next step but we want to know what we can ask for.

the school is lovely but not the right place for him and too be honest we think a time away from school will be benificial to his state of mind, can we ask for a tutor or do we have to go througha whole procedure of trying it their way before they will even listen to us.

we are in west lancashire if that helps. thanks. x

Hi Flash. I am sorry to hear your problems. As it is only 2 weeks you have sought help early which is good. Not sure what others on here think, but as you don't think school is the best place for him i would see your GP and ask what he thinks, and especially with the self harming. I think a referal to CAMHS would be a good idea and this can be done via the GP or school. Simon will tell you and quite rightly so to keep notes on everything for future reference. Your son's physical and mental health are the most important issue here, so please stay strong for him.

Stay in touch Sar x

thanks for the reply. already being seen by camhs and to be honest they not much help.
son is still off school and ep still not got back with her report. feel like i am waiting for a time bomb to go off as well as living with one IYKWIM. x

Hi Flash. Sorry to hear how things are.
Having been diagnosed with as aspergers - can you get some help from who diagnosed this? Doctor - referals? Can you afford any private help?
Seems that your son needs something now and certainly not to wait until the right help turns up. Sounds like you are also at the end of your tether and most understandable!! It's pretty hard on you. Your son might need some cognitive behaviour therapy and/or medication as a bridge to improving the situation where he is right now if he is self harming.
Is there an aspergers society nearby that can offer some advice as well? OR even the National UK org? I recall coming across mention of School Refusal and Aspergers in some of my earlier searches about School Refusal anxiety.
Sorry I don't seem to have any specific help but just to let you know you are not alone out there and we understand on here so please stay in touch and let us know how things are going.
Take care,
Linda

thanks linda.

CAMHS diagnosed but have been useless since we still waiting for the parenting course that comes with diagnoses - DX last feb.

we are waiting tribunal over the LEA refusal to assess for statement.
if he harming we go to hospital they just refer to emergency cahms who just refer back to our psychologist who prefers to see us alone - apparently our parenting is rubbish though she keeps telling us how great we are doing.

TBH sick of making phone calls sick of asking for help sick of being blamed - so just sat here waiting for the school refusal bomb to explode and one of us ending up in hospital because son has lost his temper again.

appreciate your kind words but there is no help out there.xx

Flash - sorry to hear you feel there is no help.
There is a parenting support organisation that is mentioned on here that you haven't mentioned - but perhaps you have already been in contact with them too?

The reason I went private for help was the school psychologist blamed my parenting and especially in relation to discipline. My gut feeling was that this was not the case so I abandoned her immediately and have luckily found no one else in the mental health area has blamed me again. There have, however, been various teachers at the school who have placed the blame back at me in terms of 'you just have to force him to go to school.' attitude.

THe trouble is - it is a Catch 22 situation, isn't it. We tend to behave and react in a certain way because we are dealing with children who are pretty hard to understand at times. Your son's anger will come from his frustration and he takes it out on those closest.
My son also has some anger issues that we have tried to work on but when he is in total meltdown mode he throws all help out the window and I just have to leave him and talk to him later when he has calmed down and just reassure him I am there for him and ask him how he felt when he was in that mood. He said it was scary for him.

If you have seen an improvement whilst your son is not attending school then I wonder if you might be able to look at alternatives to school education? I don't have much experience with aspergers but I know whilst it is good to try and interact to improve social skills, if it is causing that much stress then it is not the place for your son to be.
ANy chance of home schooling? On-line schooling?
It might also be your son needs a break from school and might return later?

I know it must be very hard to know where to turn but I have always found that just when you think there is no way forward, something turns up. So I do hope you find that something very soon.
Linda

Flash - have you seen these two websites? I know it is not the direct help you are seeking but someone might be in the same situation as you or have been through it and be able to help?

http://www.talkaboutautism.org.uk/forum?gclid=CKeFrOLN3asCFQ-fpAodi2FAOg

http://www.wrongplanet.net/

Linda

thanks linda - have not been invovled with those paticular websites but i am invovled with another. and yes there are parents out there in our situation.
these websites are great for getting info but i find them so depressing because like me they also feel there is no help and some of these parents have been battling for more years than us.

home ed is an option - however it isn't just school social issues that are a problem he also cannot cope when his brother and sister are in the house. they are both older 21 and 13 and the 13 year old also has issues un diagnosed as yet.

You certainly have your hands full! It must be hard to find positives in your situation. It must be hard to also keep up your spirits. I found in my situation I needed to start looking after me as I had become quite depressed. Hard to find the time or motivation in the chaos sometimes but certainly if you can ...
Take care and hope as I have said, that something does turn up or they find out more about aspergers or SR to help those in this situation. One of the sites I gave you seemed a bit different as it had blogs by adults with autism. It seemed a bit more positive or light at the end of the tunnel type thing.
Linda