What helped is stepping back as a parent,stopping trying to understand and explaining the facts. Allowing my daughter to explore what is going on for her.She genuinly has no idea why she does not want to be at school she is honest about that. I have got her a book about anxiety and we have answered her questions. It is not difficult to see where the anxiety comes from eugenical disposition. I explain to her I love her but that I do not condone her decission not to attend school.I accept that I am not the person to help her but I can listen to her.

Hi Jocelyn,
As you have said, it is about just being there for them and listening to them. You will find a lot of support here and even going through old threads will be of benefit. There is one from Amy where she describes what the anxiety feels like . How has your husband coped...is it triggering feelings he'd rather not deal with or what advice has he given your daughter??
Always know we're here,
Take care,
Lindy x

Initially it has been tough for him as he went the whole nine yards
He never knew why he did not want to go and did not tell me about any of it until we had been together 11 years when my eldest once threatened to kill himself
Then the truth came out. Our daughter has no idea how tough it was for her dad .
Although he still suffers with anxiety and the physical and mental reactions to anxiety.
Thank u for the post. My hope is she is developing her own stratergies at 13 that will last her lifetime, although I understand the journey will be long and not always easy.

Hi Jocelyn,

As Lindy has said - there is lots of support here. You sound like you really have your hands full with the family all focused on very important things at the moment. But you are right - stepping back has also helped me and my son enormously.
Interestingly his father also had what now seems like school refusal although not as severe but that also made him initially and still somewhat now, to not know how to handle our son. He wanted to force him to go - he wanted not to believe that it was real - he was not able to stand back at all.
Do you think it was too close to the heart, perhaps? Did your husband take awhile to accept it was happening with your daughter? Is he ok with it now? Is he able to talk to her about his childhood or because he never knew why he missed school - is it just too hard?

We have also struggled from the beginning of Primary school. I get the impression from this forum that we will continue to struggle but that as our sons/daughters get older they will see more of a need to seek help or work more with the help so that they can gain more strength. Is your daughter receiving any help such as cognitive behaviour therapy?
Stay in touch - it helps to share with others, especially when things get tough.
Take care,
Linda