Sarah

only just catching up after the holidays, sorry to hear that your having such a bad time, it's awful when things fall apart, it's so much harder to pick yourself up when things have been going well, try and hang on in there, you know things will get better again.

Things not going so well here at the moment.

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi Dorothy

We are up one minute and down another - not sure if some of ours is anxiety of teenage hormones !! Just when i thought we were making progress then we start again - i think what is apparent is his jealously towards his younger brother as he is doing well at school and has plenty of friends !!

All we can do is take one day at a time, keep trying and hope that one day it will all work out !!

What happening up North ? Is R OK ?

Sar xx

Sarah

Only managed work experience for a few days, care worker has been amazing though and has postponed thing till Monday, so we will have to see how that goes, still trying hard not to think to far into future, but feeling more and more that this is a life long problem and not just school, think we need to go back to doc's to discuss further management of anxiety, not sure what to do at the moment.

I understand fully where M is coming from, R only has one friend now and only see's him occasionally, he still goes on face book but I'm not sure how much interaction he has with other as he's not willing to discuss it with me and I'm a bit worried about asking.

Keep smiling, we've still got lots of support and great friends here.

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi Dorothy,

Sorry to hear things not going so well. Hoping for you and your son that he can work through the barriers and somehow keep going.
The psychiatrist told me that I would be travelling down this difficult road for at least another 10 years and my son is 12 - so perhaps if she is right, also going by Clare who has posted on here and the article in The Guardian - there is something that kicks in as an adult to get them on their feet. That doesn't mean it ever completely leaves - there are differing levels of anxiety in many people - but perhaps it means they work with it rather than against it. We can only hope!
Take care and good luck for Monday.
Linda xx

Dorothy - looking at it from an outside point of view R did so well in going to work experience for a few days so that is a positive and a step in the right direction. But as parents we don't always look at things "out of the box" I am so good at giving advise to others, but when it comes to our own situation then it isn't so good.

M has his tutor as we speak, but the enthusiasm isn't there any more as it was, and not sure why. He is hanging onto facebook a little too much now just hoping someone will pop up for a chat, and a few have - but what do they say to an old friend they haven't seen for a few years ? they are not like us adults who would ask how they are etc.

The connecxions lady called me last night to see what help she can offer with regards to the future, and i politley said we were sorted with M's apprentership and thanked her for phoning, and she was really pleased for him and i agreed - but in the back of my mind there is still a niggle - will he do it ??

Oh well, another day - lets see what tomorrow brings !!

Love Sar xx

Linda and Sarah

Thanks, think your right, it being a long term problem, my boy and I had a long chat last night, I told him about the SR who is now 32 and was asking his opinion on things, I asked him if it was better going to support unit for tuition or being taught at home, it broke my heart when he said that he would rather have been taught in school, I asked him what his worst memories were and he said, first one was when we allowed his teacher to pull him out of the car and drag him into school, something I'm deeply ashamed of now, and 2nd when he sat in support base from 9 in morning till 3 in after noon with not much to do, and even now he says that we were only doing what we thought best, we also had a few laughs about things, i would drop him off at school at 8.55 and by the time i got home at 9.05, the school were on the phone saying he wanted to come home, so it wasn't all bad.

Looking back, we have come so far, and on our bad days thats what I try to hold on to.

Thank you again for being such good friends, and I hope you have more good days than bad.

Take care
Dorothy x

Dorothy - M says the same thing, but his was me pulling him out of the car - you know our stories are so so similar. He also said that i promised to stay one afternoon in the school whilst he went to a lesson, which i wanted to do, but the head of year told me to go home - i remember walking home - only a 2 minute walk and sobbing my socks off that i had not kept my promise but it was out of my control, but he still after 4 years hasn't forgiven me for that one and has on several occassions thrown it back in my face !!

On another note - i have joined the gym tonight - just need soemthing for me as i don't go out at all apart from work and i have to say it was lovely - the instructor did say my blood pressure was a little high and was i stressed about anything ? How long you got mate lol

Anyway off to soak my aching bones - Sar xx

Hi Sarah and Dorothy,

I think our kids all have those memories and we hope they forgive us in we were so overwhelmed as well. I was just thinking last night about how I used to be crying my eyes out and angry at the same time - trying to drag him out of bed and then out the front door (I never quite made it to the car!!). We have all come a long way since then.

I can't thank you both and everyone else on here enough for getting me through some very dark days early on. I remember sitting at the computer with tears streaming down my face as I contacted you- my son curled up in a ball on the couch. I now know you are here when I need you and that is enough to keep my spirits up. In the early days - I dragged my son and got upset because I felt so terribly alone. It was frightening for both of us. I thought I was going round the bend as well. No-body understood for those first few years.
There is still no support network like this in Australia. I keep searching and making enquiries. But it seems we are all working in isolation. I have only met one other mum with a school refuser who is 15 and we chat continuously via email too.

A support for the kids would be great but that is harder. My son often doesn't want to know about it. He also refused to join a group who suffered from anxiety recommended by the psychiatrist (I'd imagine most of the group would have difficulty!!). But perhaps with age - he'll find these kind of things more helpful. At least our kids know that there is help there. They don't have to feel they are going crazy and that others do suffer as they do.
In the past it must have been even more traumatic for them and family.
I just hope in the future that schools are more educated about this and the professionals who are there to help.
I am going to try and get to a 'lecture' being held here in March for parents and teachers about 'School Refusal'. I am interested to know what they say. I just hope they have the right approach.

Take care and hope you really enjoy your gym, Sarah.
Linda
xx

Linda

Two words - I ACHE !!

Sarah xx