Hi all, I've just found this website, am really not sure why I didn't search for 'school refuser' before! My daughter was bullied at school by her so called best friends last year, they went on to turn the whole year group against her. The school were useless and wouldn't do anything as there were no witnesses. My daughter started going to school less and less and eventually tried to take some pills. We have had CAMHS involved, the crisis team were excellent and have had ongoing counselling through them. As things weren't getting any better, we applied to a new school which she started at after xmas. This was supposed to be our saviour (not sure why I thought her anxiety would just go away), but after attending every day for 2 weeks, she has had a breakdown and now is not attending again. She has been put on anti-depressants and they are organising more help, but I feel I have used all my resources up. I have been saying and doing the right things for months and now have run out of anything to say. My stress levels are so high and find it so hard to keep life going with a full time job and worrying what my daughter will do at home. The main thing now is that she gets better, but am so worried about her education and being fined (or sentenced!) by the education welfare people. Life sucks!!

Carrie,
I am so glad that you have found us. There are some wonderful supportive people here who themselves have been (or are still going) through rough times with their families.

Sadly none of us has the magic wand to make it all go away and bring things back to normal. But there are a few things we have learnt from each other that can help.

The threat of legal action sounds awful, but there are times when I wish we had gone down that road, because then we would have been able to demonstrate how appalling the 'supporting' organisations were.

Perhaps one of the most important things that you can do is to document every action that you have taken. If you are not keeping a diary, then please do. Take notes at every meeting, and if minutes are not taken, copy your notes back to those you met with, recording actions that they said that they would take. We found that after meeting after meeting, they all merged into one, and we were endlessly repeating our story. With a diary, it is possible to say 'This is where we are now'.

If ever you need a rant, this is the place to do it! We have some good listeners! (Not sure that includes me...).

And remember to take care of yourself...

Simon

Hi Carrie - i can only mirror what Simon has said - and keep supporting your daughter. It must have been awful for her to be bullied to that extent and my heart goes out to her.

Stay strong and keep supporting your daughter - how old is she ? I have worried for years about being fined but to be fair CAMHS are a good support in these cases.

Stay in touch

Sarah xx

Hi Carrie,
After 2 years of bullying my son moved schools only to be bullied by the same boys over facebook (So bad that it was reported to the police). He tried going into school but the panic attacks and irritable bowel got progressively worse and by March last year he was unable to attend at all. With self harm and not wanting to go out at all it has been hard but with the input from Camhs the bad times aren't as bad and the wee positive steps of improvement in his self esteem and mental health give me encouragement....he is on fluoxetide and melatonin.
It is not so much saying the right things but the listening I find important...just being there.
Educationwise was hard for me to cope with with as he was due to take 10 gcses next year......well that's not happening!! In the process of one to one tuition being organized but don't know how long that will take.
As the song says ....it's a long, long road with many a winding turn...there seem to be more opportunities now to pick up education later on so I'm trying not to let that stress me anymore.
Sorry if I seem to be jumping from one thing to another , just me!

Always here for you,
Take care,
Lindy x

Hi Carrie,

Glad you found the site. You are no longer alone. We all know what you are going through - and how hard it must be for where you are at now.
HOpefully you can gain more support along the way and as Simon says, if you feel like a rant - this is certainly the place. And Simon - we can't thank you enough for setting up this site - it doesn't matter how much input you have these days, you always have some words of wisdom.

Take care Carrie and remember you are not alone. The bumpy road does get easier to handle. Accepting where you daughter is at right now and letting her know that and trying to ride above any pointing the finger at your parenting can help - but it does take time as we need to build up our strength too. Sometimes it feels like we end up being just as anxious as our kids!!

I always also mention cognitive behaviour therapy as it does seem that this helps many kids who want help when they realise there is no magic wand for their anxiety. Sometimes this coupled with medication is needed.
Linda xx

Hi Carrie

Welcome, by the time you find a site like this, it means that you are at the end of your tether, I remember it like it was yesterday, the advice I got from Simon that day gave me the strength to carry on, it is a long long road that you are on but it will get better, I agree with all the comments from my friends, it's what will get you through from now on, only one more piece of advice I can give you, if at all possible try and take some time off work to help you recharge your batteries, I left it to late and ended up at rock bottom on anti depressants, but have come so far with the help of every one here.

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi Lindy
Thanks for your reply. My daughter has just turned 14. Awful when the bullying goes on on the networking sites, she had that too and she decided to delete her account in the end - mainly because she didn't have any friends left. When she went to the new school she was really worried about what to say if someone wanted to add her as a friend on facebook.
It's reassuring to know that CAMHS can help out if I'm threatened with legal action, one less thing to worry about!
Hope your son is doing better now
Carrie x

Sorry Lindy, meant to say how does your son get on with fluoxetide? My daughter was prescribed that but started not sleeping, hallucauting and the suicidal thoughts were much much worse. I spoke to the duty doc who advised me to stop giving her the med. when we went back to see the normal doc at CAMHS she wanted to put her back on it, but I wasn't happy so they have prescribed sertraline 50mg to start, but say they think they will need to increase this next week. Also they say she may have to go into hospital if things don't improve in a week :o(
xx

Hi Dorothy
Thank you for your kind words of support, much appreciated
Carrie xx

Simon

I still find it hard when I come on the site and read the posts, it takes me back to those horrible days when I felt there was no hope, I still remember vividly the day I found the site and the advice you gave me, I honestly don't think we would be where we are just now if it wasn't for you, you have helped myself and so many people, and I hope you can take comfort from that.

How are things with you just now?

Take care
Dorothy x

Carrie,
Sorry I spelt fluoxetine wrong . My son took a while to feel the benefit of the medication but I think that it's the same for many of the antidepressants. It is slow progress but at least it is progress. The melatonin for sleep has helped on occasions but if he is not going out,doing physical activities ,his sleep pattern is bound to be erratic.
There was one stage when he was going to be changed to cymbalta to see if that would ease his irritable bowel symptoms but as he hasn't been in school he hasn't been suffering with that.
I think sertraline would still take a good 3 weeks to kick in properly and it is just going with each of our kids individually as to what works best for them. Camhs are maybe putting forward the idea of admission just so that they can monitor the your daughter's reaction to the change in medication and observe the side effects should they reoccur. Keep a diary of her sleep pattern and moods so that it's easier to remember at Camhs appointments.
Just continue to reassure her that you are there for her.
You are doing your best to support her and we are here to support you!
Take care,
Love Lindy x

Hi Lindy
Seem to have noticed a difference in her already, she's much brighter now after the weekend (although of course this could be because we have removed the pressure of school). So pleased her mood has lifted. She couldn't sleep last night but she just managed it on her own which is not like her at all, usually the whole house knows about it.
Onwards and upwards!
Hope you had a nice weekend
Love Carrie xx