Hello everyone,

Haven't been on the site for a few days as have just felt so overwhelmed. So 2 days ago I deregistered my son from his school. He hasn't been able to reach any of his targets since xmas and he said to me that he just can't cope with the stress and anxiety every morning and doesn't seem himself at this school. So, after a good cry I told the school he isn't coming back.

I feel very scared about the future but don't think we can continue with the sleepless nights, the 'will he won't he' which just takes over our lives. My son initially was very angry but seems to be settling down now. My target now is to engage him in learning at home. I think my son's main concern is how are his out of school friends are going to react. His social life is so important to him but I think that is where our problems lie. He has no motivation to overcome his school anxiety as he is quite comfortable at home as he has his football and friends at the weekend.

$o I'm sure there will be more tears and tantrums but at least we won't have those awful mornings anymore that affects the whole family. I know I will be judged by friends and family who just don't know or understand exactly what we have been through over the last 18 months but I have to learn not to care anymore.

Our therapist put me in touch with a mother who is year down the line from me and as she said, surely our children's self esteem and mental health is more important than a handful of GCSEs. She said the work her son is now producing is fantastic and she is convinced this wouldn't have been the case had he stayed in the school system. Quite how I am going to get him to do any work, I don't know. I think his beloved X Box will be going to the office with Dad and won't come home unless he begins to engage. We shall see...

So, who knows, maybe he will hate being at home so much (he is still saying he wants to go to school but a new one) that will be incentive he needs.

Thank you all for being here,

Sophyx

Sophy

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time just now, sometimes we just have to go with our gut feelings and do what we think is best, hopefully now that you have made this decision, things will settle down a bit. I agree that our children's well being is so much more important than anything they can learn at school, I could not have accepted this a few years ago, but you tend to move the goal posts as time goes by.

You will always have the support and friendship of all of us here.

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi Sophy - how cares what other people say they haven't been through what we all have and we support you in what you think is best -ignore the rest !!!!! Oh those morning will he won't he i just want to cry now i couldn't do that again in a million years.

You may find after a while he is ready to go back, maybe not but as Dorothy says his wellbeing is the most important and yours too.

Good luck honey hope all goes well.

Sarah xx

Thank you Sarah and Dorothy for your kind words and support. Really struggling with it all right now. My husband just says 'its a disaster' and locks himself away as he has so much work on at the moment - yeah right! My daughter hase decided as his brother has given up school, she is going to give up french and DT and can I talk to her head of year about it and my beloved son is saying 'I am going to go to school but you need to find me the right one'. He just cannot except that he can't go to school despite it being nearly a year now....
Oh well, at least its the weekend...

Sophy

Sophie,
You seem to be getting it from all sides at the minute! ...so big hugs coming your way!
Any chance that you could catch a bit of "me time" today to recharge your batteries?
The only disaster is that the education system has let your son down and you have made what you feel is the appropriate decision for your son at this time. Just let him know that you are keeping all doors open but that you are taking one day at a time right now. Perhaps ask your daughter to do pros and cons of giving up the subjects and how it would affect her future choices.
Enjoy the weekend
take care,
love Lindy x

Hi Sophy and everyone

I really relate to everything you have either all been through or are going through and have been very comforted by all the stories I have read. There are so many times that you think I can't do this anymore, I want out. I have thrown myself into work and dreaded coming home, even more so wanted to run away from it all in the mornings. It has taken my husband and I a year to be aware of SR, we have had disagreements, fall outs, different opinions on how our sons anxiety should be managed. My husband has difficulties even coming to terms that it exists,never mind the best way forward. However like you say its our son thats important not his education and I agree with you all he can go back to this. We do as parents put a lot of pressure on ourselves and our kids to conform and fit in.Modern life! But at the end of the day happiness and good health are more precious than anything else in the world. I keep telling myself this year is going to be different, we are going to approach this from a different angle, be in more control ourselves and try not to focus on when things go wrong.
Everything is happy at the moment, its the weekend. Monday i know will be a challenge but live for today it is.
Bye Dawn

Hi Sophy,

I am so sorry to hear how things are with you. I do hope that this is a new step in your son's life that will start to give him the confidence he needs to move forward. Take care and remember - small steps...
You are a great mum and have been doing all you can for your son.
Linda xx

PS. Dawn - my son's father also had a great deal of trouble coming to terms with SR and it took him a very long time to accept that it did exist. I think it might also sometimes be a bit of a male thing ' pull your socks up son and put on a brave face' kind of thing or 'just get on with it'.
So it might generally take some people a little longer to see it for what it really is.