I really enjoyed the article posted by Simon on the blog!! I have been away from the forum for some time now as things have somewhat settled down in my household. I discovered this forum two years ago when my son, at age 16, had a nervous breakdown of sorts and stopped going to school very close to the end of his 2nd year in high school. His experience was very much like what Ms. Ashworth describes. He spent a year with a therapist (which was helpful,) six months on anti-depressants (which were not,) and finally, when things were not improving, we pulled him out of school and let him just be at home, learning whatever he wanted to learn (mostly history, politics and guitar.) We submitted paperwork that was required by the state claiming that we were going to home school him but what really took place was what is known in the home school community as “unschooling.” This was not an easy year for him. He missed his friends and the “buzz” of daily life at school and he felt very abnormal, wondering what had happened to him. He would have serious bouts of depression. When he turned 17 and was old enough to take his high school equivalency exams, he did so, applied to the local commuter college, and began classes there in the fall, a year ahead of his friends. Now, finally, he is doing quite well. He goes to class, enjoys the classes as much as a school refuser can enjoy school, and is getting better grades than ever before. He is much more relaxed, and little by little gains confidence to do more adventurous things (like travel alone to visit out of state friends, etc.)

All of this has led me to conclude that School Refusal is not necessarily an "anxiety disorder that manifests itself focusing on a single aspect of the child's life" or "a phobia that can only be cured by immersing oneself into the situation," as the psychotherapists said. I believe, and I think Jenn Ashworth confirms this, that it can quite often be an extreme case of “square peg forced into a round hole.” If your child is not hard-wired to learn or even function in the traditional school setting, he or she can easily become overloaded and shut down. I know this from my experience with my son, but also because I work in a school and see less extreme examples of it all the time.

But changing the setting is the toughest part. First of all, a child suffering from anxiety does not necessarily welcome change even if the present situation is a terrible failure. My son refused to go to school AND refused to consider any alternatives that we could suggest, including changing schools or home schooling. My husband and I finally just had to make the decision for him and pull him out. Secondly, schools and school systems don't offer much in the way of alternative settings for learning. If there was a school similar to what Jenn Ashcroft describes at the end of her article, “that was more of a museum or a library where the children were set free,” our children might thrive there.

I am extremely grateful that things have more or less resolved themselves with my son although his future is still very unclear and I am still often on pins and needles (although less often than before.) And I am also very grateful for this website and the support that it offered for me during our crisis and beyond. Keep up the great work!

hi Helen,

It is interesting to hear how things have gone for you and also your perspective on SR. I do remember your early posts 2 years ago and you did not know what to do at that time. A lot has happened for your son since then it seems. Despite the hardships you have obviously gone through to get to this point - you must be proud of the steps he has taken.

I agree with you that the square peg round hole scenario is so true. I still think there is an anxiety issue there but whether or not the anxiety would have manifested itself if our kids had never gone to school - who knows! For those who do have a 'sensitivity' to numerous things - then school is not a good environment. On the other hand, given that school is every day, the anxiety levels are at their highest for this. For my son the anxiety creeps into other things and I have to make sure he gets out of the house. When I talk to others I refer to SR as an 'anxiety disorder'. I dislike the term 'School Refusal' and 'Phobia'. You are right in regard to it not really being a phobia. And School Refusal sounds like they are just being obstinate and naughty!
Thanks for updating us and I do hope things continue to go well for you. Your son must really appreciate your support and understanding during this time.
All the best,
Linda xx