I posted this on the metal well being forum but I think it may be better on this one.

Hi I am new here and just wanted to ask those of who have experience what help I should be asking for or expecting for my son. Back in June my 13 year old son had a minor head injury with no lasting damage, except that he has no memory of anything before the accident. The psychologists think that the is some psychological reason why he has lost his memory. He was totally off school until October when he has a phased return to school. The aim was he would be back full time in Jan. However while he did seem to be doing ok he was not really that happy. Then he went back for the first three days and then refused to go in and whenever school was mentioned he starts shaking and then gets really upset. The school and I have tried him going in for a hour to the support unit with me but this only seems to make things worse.

We have been to see a different school which is very small and specialises in children who have problems attending school. He liked the school and talks positively about it but when we suggested that he went and spent the day their he became really panicky and angry again. I would say that he wants to go to school but can’t see a way of doing it.

He does see an art therapist at CAMHS but while he seems to like her she is happy to work with him from his own agenda and refuses to bring up his feelings about school unless he does.

We have a meeting at the school with CAMHS next week and I was just wondering what I should be asking for.

Thanks

Hi Sarah

You will find lots of support here and will help all we can. How awful for your son and the family - does he not have any memory of anything at all before the accident - does he know who people / friends are ? did the accident happen around a frighteneing incident that he may want to block out ? Your story does follow a pattern for many school refusers regardless of the accident, and your son has done exceptionally well to go back at all. Apologies for lots of questions but it does help to try and understand your situation and what we as SR parents would ask for and want to know - how has the schools attitude to your son been and do you feel too much pressure has been out on him to return? When my son was 10 and before he started to refuse we saw a psycologist as i felt my son was regressing in his attitude and wasn't making much progress at school, i knew something wasn't right but didn't know what. The report issued after aa 3 hour session was that my son had had some sort of trauma within the past 3 or so years, and part of his brain had shut down through no fault of his own but we were at a loss as to what this could have been ( his father had left us two years previous but not sure if that was the reason ) anyway they did recommed that my son was regressed to find out what had happened and to correct this. I did hours of research on this but decided against this course of treatment as i thought it could do far more harm than good - right or wrongly again im not sure. But this was a seperate issue to his SR. Most of the children on this site do want to go back to school, but the thought of it causes sheer panic for them. I remember discussing moving schools for my son, but he did say that if he could go to school he would go where his friends are and not a new school where he didn't know anyone !! What does your GP say? What was your son like at school before the accident ? Apologies for rambling but thinking as i go along really what you can do.

Anyway please let me know and i will do my very best to help you.

Love Sar xx

Hi Sarah

Two Sarah's now! This could get confusing!
I am so glad you found us here. We are here to listen at any time and offer support from our own experiences. It must be awfully hard for you to go through this.

I would ask many of the questions Sarah already has in her post.
My initial feeling upon reading your story is that it would be terribly overwhelming to go to school if he had no memory before the accident. It would almost be like going to school in another country - as he has no continuity with others on several levels of conversation and maturity. Are you saying he has absolutely no memory at all? Do you mean just in terms of where he was and what he did (ie. going to school) or does it effect skills as well?
I would imagine he can't pin point what the problem is so would find it very difficult to talk about. All SR kids seem to not have one particular thing they can say is the problem - it is just the thought of going to school and then the environment when they are there that can continue anxious thoughts. But it is the getting there that becomes the main issue, just like your son.

It sounds like you are doing all the things you can at the moment. I always mention Cognitive Behaviour Therapy as it really helps anxiety in changing negative thought patterns. Are they also able to somehow include therapy that links him to his past? Does he have friends from the past that are still present now?

I am sure a new door or window will open for you in this rocky path you are leading. It is a rollercoaster ride. Our kids just want to be understood and acknowledged that what they are going through is very real.
Keep seeking answers and as much support as you can. I wouldn't worry about the art therapiy not bringing out how he feels about school - art is therapeutic in itself (I know as that is what I escape to!!) and so that might even help just to calm him.
We are here any time to listen and help in anyway we can.
Linda xx

Hi Sarah,
Welcome
My son had severe panic attacks trying to get to school and also demonstrated sheer frustration and anger against the situation he was in. He said he wanted to go to school but said he wasn't ready. Ready to cope ? ready to face certain people? I really don't know!
What I do know is I have received a lot of support and advice on this forum and also the Camhs team that work with my son have been superb.
It is a long journey with its ups and downs and it is better to take one day at a time. Remember your son's well being is your priorty (and your own well being too)!
Always here for you ,
take care,
Lindy x

Hi all

Welcome Sarah and I am sure your son will make a recovery in his own time. I would be asking for that time and not make any major changes but take the support being offered. I have a son, very similar to your son Lindy - he wants to go to school but just can't cope with the anxiety it gives him, the fear and panic attacks are severe. I feel the more we pushed in the past the worse it made him, maybe too much pressure is not good. We have found that building his confidence at what he is good at even if its not related to school is helping him. Keep going and I wish you all the best.
dawn

Thanks for all your great support. Just wondered those of you who had CAMHS - what exact help did you get becasue my son has been having art theapy since August and it does not seem to have helped at all. We have asked for a review but the women he sees feels that there is nothing else that CAMHS can offer. Alot of you seem to think that CAMHS has been great but for us it has not really seemed to have helped him move forward.

Sarah

Hi Sarah,

I think you will need to push CAMHS for further help. I am not from the UK but I know from Australia as well as the UK from the other posts that usually there are offers of psychologists, counsellors and certainly not just art therapy. Do you think they were approaching your son differently as they were not sure which approach to take? But if you feel it is not working - perhaps document why and then push them to provide some other sort of support.
As you will have gathered from many of the posts on here. We have to really push to get anyone to provide the right support. That is why I ended up going privately but the cost is way too high so makes it rather difficult to continue.
Others on here might give you some extra help on that one.
Linda

i have just come across this forum and it is great.I am in the early stages of school refusal but it is a lonely and stressful experience.My son is 11 and refuses to go to school,everyday is a battle and he has been at home for the past 2/52.I have spoken to everyone i can think of who could help me but the wheels turn very slowly.We are awaiting camhs referral and also a CAF form has been done.Meanwhile i an struggling and coping with lots of conflicting advice.

Like you I am new to this and just wondered what a CAF form is as this has not been mentioned to us at all.

it is a form which involves different services,we have a meeting arranged on 27.2 when a "team around the child" meeting takes place and options re schooling,help at home and respite are discussed.The school completed this form with my help and sent it off.

Hi Belinda. CAF - Common Assessment Framework - i strongly recommed any parent contact their local Parent Partnership for support they were wonderful at our CAF's and help parents no end and their advise is excellent.

We had the school, CAMHS, Education Welfare and Parent Support Worker oh and Parent Partnership at ours, and the Parent support worker from school headed ours. They spoke about my son's education at home, and any additional support that can be offered - this is documentated and each professional has a set time to do what ever they have agreed to help and then this is reviewed at the next meeting. I found it very helpful and my son was made very welcome and was praised on his achievements even though he hadn't attended school.

Sarah - CAMHS my son found it boring really but it helped me to talk to someone, but at the end of the day they didn't really achieve anything. They did go through want anxiety was and how it affected the brain - bit like a biology lesson which was interesting but not helpful.

Apologies for rambling but hope it helps.

Sarah T xx

Welcome Belinda! You will find everyone on here very supportive. We understand what you are going through. Hoping you can find out the best help available. Reading back through some of the posts on the forum can help with what has worked for others.
Take care,
Linda xx