I've been catching up on the posts over the last few days and i feel for all of you i really do. I don't think that i have given my son as much credit as i think i should have, for instance not washing and quite frankly quite grubby at times, done that one, now we are immaculate to say the least. Not going out of the house at all for about 13 months, now although still not over confident will mix with friends well in the village. Worried about being sick, can't remember the last time he mentioned that one, and tomorrow well, i am moving offices and he is coming down to help me sort things out, he hasn't met at least 10 of the staff yet he still wants to come down ( i think the staff believe he is not real as he never ever goes into the office when they are there ) major achievement even if he doesn't make it he will have tried. He was fine at the college interview. All these things have happened so gradually that i haven't really sat and thought how well he has done.

What i am trying to say is that you will all get there too, i promise. I would have never believed that M would get there even when people said give it time and tonight it has really hit me, yes i know the road ahead will never be easy but he has such fantastic qualities - qualities he may not have if he went to school - who knows.
We have 6 weeks left now and then it's all behind us. Not too sure what the future holds but it is so much brighter than i could have imagined.

Just wanted to share this with you all, you have all been a fantasic support to me, and i will never forget you. I would like to still stay on the forum even when the school door is shut behind us. I never got my son back to school but hope i can still support others.

Love to you all

Sarah xx

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for sharing this. It is good to hear the stories of how some kids progress through those small steps. You have come a very long way - you should be both very proud of yourselves. You have been there to support your son every step of the way. I know you have had some awful stressful times - but so glad you can look back and see the progression. It does give us all hope : )
Enjoy the coming weekend.
Linda xx

Thanks Linda - had a good meeting with connexions today and all they are going to see if M can do his exams else where instead of school.

I have the boys father coming to stay with us for Easter, first time under the same roof for 8 years so hope it doesn't upset the apple cart.

Sarah xx

Dear Sarah,

I feel like I have found this forum and not shut up, so I will try and be brief, but I have smiled with big tears coming down my face as I read your wonderful post. God I needed to read that!

If you had a moment and it isn't impertinent to ask, would you be able to say what happened with you, or point me to threads that outline it, I gather that your son did not return to school after he refused, did he get home schooled? (This is what I am thinking about), how old was he when he refused and how old is he now. Please don't worry if this is not appropriate it is just like seeing someone waving from the cliffs while I am bobbing about in a tiny boat and I would love to think we could reach land even if it takes years!!

Juliet
xx

Hi Juliet

I just wanted to share my land mark - i had never really felt that we had got very far until i sat and thought about it and boy we have and you will too i promise.

My son was age 11 in year 7, transfered from small village primary to very large senior school 2,000+ pupils. After a day or so he felt he couldn't go, get him there had first panic attack and thought he was dying very emotional to see - but he did get ovet it and managed to what i see now a scrape through the first term, i buried my head in the sand and thought all was ok. New term after the Christmas break was a nightmare, he sat on the step and just cried, get school involved, private psycologist etc ( never heard of CAMHS at this stage ) and eventually got him back to school where i was going in with him - teaching him myself there then when i stopped that he stopped going. GP fantastic and wrote to school needed slow integration etc school not really co-operative etc and he was then offered a place at the local PRU ( pupil referal unit) first day there i had to drag him in, left and cried my eyes out as just didn't know what was happening, picked him up 2 hours later and he was fine That lasted for about 8 months attending everyday and loving it, then i'm not sure what happened but he didn't want to go ( he was and still is on the school role i never deregisterd him ) and the only option was to go back to school. New guy incharge by this stage who listened to the gp and took it slowly giving my son a term to get back full time. He took all the pressure off forcing him in as he started with a lunch time, the added registration, then a lesson etc and within 6 weeks loving it and had 5 months full attendance. New year started for year 8, long story short they had all changed classes, he went in the first day and felt very isolated as he wasn't with anyone he knew in new class. In schools defence they offered to change the class but to another one he wouldn't know anyone very well ( his best friend should have been there but was on 2 weeks holiday !! ) in a nut shell my son had moved down a stream because of he 12 month absence. He never made it back in year 8 or 9 and attended th PRU part time ( the PRU had changed by this time and he felt very uncompfortable ) Year 10, he wanted to go back to school try again, and after a few meetings they agreed to take it slowly again, but working in inclusion this just was awful. The EWO who had been good really took him in a few times, waited for him to do his hour or 2 and bought him back even called me to say it was dreadful for my son, he was so terrified it upset her ( welcome to my world ) and so since Oct 2010 he has never set foot in the school again. It had all changed at the PRU too and they couldn't offer him a place there so it was a home tutor for 5 hours per week, my MP got the hours increased for me and he also does a day to a small college in town - these lessons are funded by the school. He has been on meds for panic attacks for 4 years and has recently decreased his dosage and is doing fine. We had a period of 12 months where he didn't go out of the house, suffered daily multiple panic attacks and couldn't sleep eat or really function. We did see CAMHS for a coulple of years, but it benefitted me more that my son. I could go on for hours and hours but i hope this gives you a good understanding. There were times when i thought he will never be an average teenager- i don't want to use the word normal but you get my drift. They are normal children just different. He does get upset that he feels school has robbed him of his teenage years, he is 16 now but we have to look forwards. It does seem that we have been very lucky with the support we have received, but i have had to push for alot of it. I never took him off the role as i didn't want to take on the resposibility of just me educating him, i needed the support of the education dept. There have been tears, heated discussions with professionals, the lot, but we made it - nearly there. We have a much stronger relationship beetween us, and i do often find myself speaking for him as i am so used to him being quiet, so i now try and take a back step.

I hope this helps. This has not been an easy road to travel and seen some very dark times. My son wants to be a counsellor to help children such as SR in the future as he feels he feels there is little support for the children from people who really understand. I still don't really know what happened a doubt i ever will, but we made it, the light at the end of the tunnel is there. This forum has been a life saver for me. WE also need to be mindful of siblings as they too suffer when they see another child not going to school, and i hope i never go through that again, but if it happened i will cope, as you are all too.

Lots of love Sarah xx

Sarah,

I have just seen this post, and if it is ok with you, I want to read it a few times before I reply properly. At this stage I just want to applaud you for your bravery, tenacity and endurance.

Juliet

hi
Such a fantastic post
It gives me hope for the future.
I wish you and your son all the best in the future. I sincerely hope he follows his dream to become a councillor to children who have SR as only people who have been in the 'thick' of it truly understand.
Best wishes.

Virginia

Hi Juliet - i have only done what every parent on here has done and continues to do each and every day. It has made me a much stronger person and i have in return gained more confidence in myself. This was very hard at first as i thought the school knew best and i did in the early days let my son down and for that i apologise to him most sincerely but we live and learn.

There was so much more i could have added, such as the threat of court action and so so much more.

Im in bad books tonight as i have cut M's hair too short LOL kids !!

Take care

Sarah xx

Thanks Virginia, I am glad you found it interesting and i know if we can do it anyone can.

Sarah xx

hi Sarah,

Thanks for sharing the full story. I feel I have been on part of that journey with you on the forum - I remember the set backs you had along the way - the feeling of it all not working out - then the steps forward and what a difference just a small step made. I am so glad there is light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for reaching out and helping others even though things were tough for you too.
Take care - I wish I could give you both a big hug!
Linda xx

Linda - you have been such a support to me you really have.

Big hugs to you both

Sarah xx

Sarah - Thanks for posting your story, it is really good to hear.

Being in the early stages of all this, I am still finding it hard to cope with and wondering what will happen next.

It is reassuring to be able to read how everyone on here is doing - and it is comforting to not feel so alone!

Sharon

Sarah

It was lovely to read your post, haven't we come so far, who'd have known when we started writing all those years ago, that this would be the out come. you have been there every step of the way with us, each smile, tear, anger, pride, the list goes on, our boys have done us proud, even though we have never met, you will always have a special place in my heart.

Take care
Dorothy x

Dorothy - that made me cry - we have shared so much over the years as you said - you are such a special friend to me, and one day we will meet i promise.

Lots of love

Sarah xx