Hi everyone,

I was just wondering if anyone else feels like I do - that due to the anxiety taking up daily space in our brains and activities and actions....my parenting skills have become rather hit and miss? I have felt lately that my son has developed a life style around his anxiety and I seem to feed into that by allowing him to do things that I am sure I would not let another child do. This includes less interaction with others, too much computer time, not having to always do the chores around the house, accepting reasons behind why things cannot be achieved/attempted/started (or giving in).

I used to be so much more consistent - I used to have consequences etc and now I just feel as if I have melted somewhat into the background and my son is running the show. I have found myself also becoming afraid to push too hard on any issue as I just don't want to deal with the fallout.

Do you think this is just the nature of dealing/caring for someone with anxiety or have I allowed the anxiety to completely take over and as a result I am not actually parenting properly and so not avoiding those 'typical behaviours' that need keeping in line? I am just afraid that if I go on like this any longer - then the teenage years are going to be a complete nightmare. I probably sound a bit confused here - as I am feeling that way - but I just wonder how much I have allowed my son to 'get away with' other unacceptable behaviour due to my focus on the anxiety?

Linda

Hi Linda,

I know where you are coming from. I feel the same way. I think my son uses his anxiety to get out of doing things that he doesn't want to do. I have been making a real point of discipling him over the easter break whilst there is no school or tutoring on the agenda. We have had real temper tantrums but have stood firm. He does seem very angry but I am pretty sure this is normal teenage hormones kicking in. I have been advised to pick my battles with him but I think I have walking away a little too much recently.

He is due to attend a day at a new school/college next week. He says he will be fine and is quite looking forward to it but we all know that although he wants to, when it comes to the actual day, he may not be able to. Fingers crossed.

How is your son Linda? Did he have a good easter break?

Sophyx

Linda - one word SURVIVAL. We all do it, and at times i think our children do play on it, but we have to do it to stay sane - you are not doing anything wrong just trying to get through each day one day at a time.

You are a great mum, stay strong honey.

Sarah xx

Sarah,

Your post made me laugh! You are so right.

Sophy

Thanks Sarah and Sophy,

Yes - Survival is the key. Yet that also means that they think they are getting their own way more often than is good - but we just have to balance I guess. My son chucks wobblies and gets so angry sometimes....it just worries me.
We are going through a bad patch after the easter break. We also had parent teacher night - and that was so negative and his dad took it really badly and spent some time going through all the negatives when he came round the next night. My son has just not been keeping up with the work - even when at school. He lied to me about homework he had - he has not handed in all major assignments. So apart from the absences...somethings has gone wrong at the other end. But motivation is something that is probably hard for our kids to find on a daily basis.
Anyway - hopefully I am just having a bad week (and he missed more days) and next week is a new week.
Take care
Linda

Linda - all kids lie about assignments if they are SR or not "!! you are doing so so well getting him in, keep up the good work. Son no 2 who i have mentioned has never done an assignment in his life - yet doing his GCSE's at the age of 13 !!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr kids !!

Sar xx