Well son no 2 has started to refuse school - what can i say !! I just hope with all my experience i can sort this out soon.

Sarah xxx

Sarah,

So sorry to hear this. This is where you need to remember your good advice - you are a great mum and it will get better. It is so hard for siblings and i know my daughter struggles with her brother being at home. As you say, with your understanding and knowledge of SR, I'm sure you will help your boy and this will just be a blip.

Get lots of rest over the weekend and I will be thinking of you..

love Sophyx

Thanks Sophy. To be honest a feel a little numb and do you know something the hardest part was calling the school i was so ashamed really and worried what they thought. This should not have been my priority but it was.

My son isn't really anxious so i'm not sure what's going on, he is sensitve though but there is no reasoning with him.

How come it has happened again ? so hoping it is a blip !!

Sarah xx

Sarah,

Please don't beat yourself up - we as their parents, are judged constantly because of lack of understanding about SR and I think your reaction is normal. I tell myself constantly I shouldn't care what people think but we are only human...I would be the same, i still struggle to talk about it to most people and I feel very guilty about that.

Do you think it is friendship issues? My daughter child no. 2 has struggled this year (year 8) and if her older brother doesn't have to go to school (thats how my daughter sees it), why should she? She doesn't understand he just can't. It then becomes an option for them which most other children just don't have. Does that make sense?? I have had days when my daughter has said she is not well and hasn't gone to school and I know she is absolutely fine and have found out later she has had an argument with her friends.

Remember, take it day by day. You are doing your best and thats all you can do. It's horrible and not fair but he will be fine and this time you have experience and know how to help him. Sending you lots of love and support..

Sophyxx

Hi Sarah,

Hang in there - I think Sophy's advice is very good. It is hard for siblings. Just hoping it is a blip but if not - that you are able to gain strength from your experience. Relax over the weekend and hopefully next week is a new start. We are here any time you need us.
Take care
Linda xx

You know i have cried so many times reading messages and this is no exception. WHY ME !!! not another one !! Little man is having a few friendship issues so i think that is not helping - also he is a gifted and talented child so there is a little pressure there. I do think however seeing a sibling at home is hard for him. I have taken a deep breath, a glass of red and stepped back - he has reassured me he is fine but we have all heard that before.

I will be fine, i will cope because you are all here with me and this will not beat me.

Thank you guys xx

Sarah,
Much love is being sent your way. Do you feel the holidays have unsettled him? Has M had a wee chat with him?...would you think that would help?
Spend some time on you ...easier said than done sometimes!
lots of hugs,
Lindy x

i have three children, 2 sons and my daughter who is the youngest. my eldest son is autistic and my younger son (I now realise) was almost a 'refuser'.
My younger son was quite happy at Junior school until they pulled down the old single-storey school and built a modern 2-storey school. I just assumed he didnt like the new building. When he moved to senior school (age 11) he was far from happy but luckily had a few friends but we were always writing letters to get him out of PE and he would never go on school trips. things got worse in the 2nd year with his attendance down to 80% we received lots of letters & had to attend meetings but it just got worse. Luckily the school doctor was the same doctor who diagnoised and helped us with my eldest son and she was fantastic.
I don't think she would be allowed to do it now but from the 3rd year my son never did PE again, was allowed to arrive at school 10 minutes after everyone else and leave 10 minutes early, did most of his lessons in the In-School Learning Centre, and was allowed to leave any lesson if the Teacher wasnt already in the classroom! by the time he left school he spent all his school time in the ISLC and never went to any lessons just to collect his work. His predicted GCSEs were all Es and Fs as he had virtually self-tought (as in Autonamous Home Education but at school!!) but except for 1 Grade E he actually got all Grade Cs, went to College and did A levels got a Grade A in Finance and a Grade B in Business Studies and is now a Trainee-Accoutant doing his final exams.
Unforunately for my daughter the same school doctor decided she was just copying her brother and refused to help.
sorry but in our family it appears we had 2 school refusers.

Hi Maureen

I was always told that my youngest son would be a refuser as his brother was - i laughed as i would never in a million years believe the little one would be. As i said im not sure what is going on, M thinks he is attention seeking. The boys father came down for his once a year visit at Easter so that didn't help, infact it did more harm than good.

Let just see what Monday brings, but my gut feeling is thathe is bored and not being challenged enough at school.

Sar xx

Hang in there, Sarah!

It's tough, but we are with you.

Hi Sarah
Sorry to read your post. Life is tough isn't it sometimes.
Hope it is, like the other posters say, just a blip. One thing parents have on this site is experience. At the end of the day, we try to regroup and gather our strength for the next day. Whatever the outcome, you will find the strength. Everyone here is a great support and will be thinking of you.
Best wishes.

Thank you so much everyone it's great to have support - and for your personal e mail Simon much appreciated.

We have had quite a good chat today and it's a bit of bullying i think - at first i thought it was an excuse and i did say to Simon it may be a bit of being naughty and attnetion seeking, but i have seen some texts and think he is having a bit of a hard time. I have said that i will speak with school but he wants to deal with it, and he has taken a mature attitude so i am quite proud. The lad in question was a good friend at one time, but after a fall out of x box haven't spoken for several months and he has tried to turn other lads against him. He has had a few friends round this afternoon, and this lad was has told these friends they have to chose between my son and him, was nice to see them support my little man.

I'm hoping this is the end of it, but do feel that when we have upsets concerning school he will take the option not to go - i need to keep an eye on things.

Both the boys are sitting now watching a dvd together, this is something they don't very often do so it's lovely to see.

I will keep you posted, and i have to say i'm not looking forward to Monday morning, all those old feelings have come flooding back.

Sar xx

Thinking of you for Monday, Sarah - and everyone else hoping for a step forward. I know how you feel - I have also had a very stressful week so haven't felt like posting much. But Monday is a new week and we can only look forward and hope.
Take care,
Linda xx

Thanks Linda. I emailed Simon and asked his advise about posting about my youngest son as i didn't want to come across as negative when i have been quite positive about my eldest son and worry other parents about siblings. As always Simon was great and so supportive but i think we need to look at early intervention more.
I'm sorry you haven't had a good week, and sendng you my love and hugs for a fresh start next.

Sar xx

Hi Sarah

Sorry to hear things not too good at the moment, It's hard when we have a child who is a school refuser, it makes us wary all the time, my daughter started a new job a few months back and she felt nervous about her first few days, I dropped her off on her first day, telling her it would be fine, but I spent all that day waiting for my phone to ring and for her to ask me to come and pick her up, I was so used to R calling, that for me it was normal to expect them to come home early, needless to say she is doing fine, of course. lol.

My heart goes out to you, we are so strong now, but dont know if I could cope again..................

Sending love and support.

Take care
Dorothy x

Thanks Dorothy for that. Monday morning, well i genuinely have one very poorly little boy, he has been up and down alot in the night and isn't well at all this morning so what can i say !!

Tomorrow is another day, but to put things into context my business partner's 4 month old little girl is in hospital with suspected meningitus so a few days off school is quite insignificant really.

Lots of love

Sarah xx