For some unknown reason I never in all the 7 years we have been struggling with our daughter (now 15) I never did a search for school refusal. I don't know why. She was/has been bullied from aged 8 when she started a new school when we moved house. Cganged her to another school..not too bad. then secondary school with the buliies again...very poor attendance, lots of threats from the school re social work (ok then bring it on!!!) Another school move..but no improvement. Anxiety and depression, threats of violence and suicide, anorexia...private referal to psychologist because the usual NHS took too long and yielded no help.
Psycologist mentioned ASD (autistic spectrum disorder) which i researched ...pretty sure DD has got PDA (pathological demand avaiodance syndrome). She has just been off for 6 months. Went to school last Monday on her own instigation (she ws having ECOS-IHT Education for Children Out of school - Ill health Team, byut we were getting pressure for her to return to school from them, so I think she (DD) just said she'd go back to get them all of her back - so to speak!)...come Tuesday...refusal!
In my desperation to appease the school I thopught ...right...lert's get this sorted..can she leave school? What are the options? So i googled and here I am!
Read some posts and thought...I AM NOT ALONE!!!!!

Hi Nellie

Glad you have found us and you are not alone. You will find some good advise on this forum and lots of support - we are here for you. I only found the forum by accident after quite a while of suffering, the term school refusal never entered my head, it was always school phobia, and this site was mentioned somewhere on a phobia site.

With regards to education, in our area our college take year 10 students who have been unable to attend school but not too sure if it's a national thing or not but it is worth asking the question. My son who is year 11 and is going to start college and is looking forward to a fresh start in a new environment - hopfully anyway. Get in touch with Parent Partnership and your local MP for support.

Hope this helps.

Sarah xx

Thanks Sarah. Where abouts in the country are you? we are in Warwickshire!

Hi Nellie

I'm in Staffordshire so not too far away

Sar xx

hi Nellie,

I too am very glad you found us! Before finding this site I was so alone with the problem and kept getting told that 'we have never had someone like your son' by the school. I did lots of googles in those days but the site hadn't been established! One of a kind now and thanks to Simon - has saved lots of us from despair!

I am not sure if schools just don't get it - or whether they are so bound by rules and regulations and red tape these days that they are unable to make any exceptions. I have also discovered that individual teachers are not allowed or are discouraged to make direct contact with the parent. That means that even if there is someone at your daughter's school who does understand - they might not be able to get through to you.

I am sorry you are having so much trouble with your daughter. Sarah can probably give you more advice than I can as her son has reached the college age. It seems that each area of the UK is different - so it is just a matter of finding out what support there is in your area as well as what the rules are for school and college attendance.
Stay in touch and offload your frustrations whenever you feel the need. I do appreciate the support you just gave me on my post.
It is a roller coaster ride and there is no one answer but there are also many success stories - not necessarily taking the straight road ahead but managing to move forward in some way. It gives us all some hope.
Take care,
Linda