Son no2 school fine today - yippeeeeee !! anyway guys your thoughts please as i know you won't judge me - but what time do you think a 13 year old should go to bed ? bear in mind he has to be up for 7.45am.
The reason i ask is son 2 doesn't go to bed until 11 or even 11.30pm if i try and make him go earlier it causes a fight, but if i leave him alone to get on with it then he's ok - bad parent or easy life or what ?

Thanks Sar xx

hi Sarah,

I struggle with this soooooo much! I fight with myself and my son over what is right, best and works. My son is 12 - and according to the research -we should be getting them to have at least 10-11 hours sleep. So in all honesty - our 12 and 13 year olds should be 'ASLEEP' at 9.30. I am still working on it! My son gets to sleep anywhere from 10.30 - 11.30 - and I know it doesn't help in a morning! Technology of all kinds (except perhaps TV) does seem to need to be 'banned' and removed/unplugged by at least 8.30 for this to happen.

I actually rang a parent help line the other day on just this topic! The counsellor at the other end said it is very important that we set the boundaries and put in place consequences that we can carry out (which we know...but perhaps we hope doesn't have to happen?). She felt that the unplugging was the way to go but like when they were little - give them three warnings - with something like ' if you are not off by the third warning - you do not get to go on....computer/x-box etc the next night' (and stick to it). I explained about keeping the peace and she said that was common with sole parents as we are just to warn out that it is much easier to just give in.
Then the going to bed starts at 9pm so that they are in bed before 9.30.
I have had some success but I am finding it hard to be consistent and that is something I really have to work on. With our kids having anxiety - it seems too easy to think 'oh....they had a bad day - let them stay on computer a bit longer' or 'don't fall out with them or they will become more anxious' etc. But the counsellor explained that in fact kids with anxiety sometimes actually want those boundaries despite the fight they put up. I think my son, however, also feels less anxious when 'he' is in control. Catch 22 situation. We can only keep trying, Sarah. As if we don't have enough to do with the anxiety!!!
take care - and I hope you are getting enough sleep yourself....it can be so draining.
Linda xx

Hi Sarah and Linda,
Haven't been here in ages as laptop broke and then my daughter has been studying for a levels on it so have been trying to catch up with what's happening here!
When my son was 13 we aimed to have things switched off at 9:30 with a view to settle down by 10. When he was 14 this was upped to 10 with sleep at 10:30 and the past year ( despite his non attendance ) the switch off time is 11. Even with the sleep pattern being totally mixed up and him maybe awake over night the cut off time was still upheld ,I often heard the sentence "right mate, gotta go , my psycho mother expects this off now."
Hope you are both keeping well and although I may not be here too much you are never far away from my thoughts.
Take care,
Love Lindy x

Thanks guys for your replies. I wish i was stronger but if i make him come off x box or tv then he throws a complete fit at me - this is something that his SR brother never did so again all this is alient to me. He eventully fell asleep last night at a reasonable time only to get up for the toilet at 2.40am and fell and cut his head on the door frame, so hence no school today. My boys are totally different, the older SR has always been respectful and on the whole does as he is told but his younger brother, well is a different kettle of fish altogether, and everytime something diesn't go his way nhe threatens me with no school as he knows this hurst. There is a real battle going on between us and is can be quite awful to me, then he can be an angel. He really is hurting me and im at the end of my teather with him.

Sarah

My wonderful mum has said she will sort my son out tonight and she won't take no for an answer - told me to have an early night and if we have problems in the morning she will take it in hand - what a lovely. Her reassurances help so much - thank you mum xxx

Hi Sarah,
In times like these we count our blessings and your wee mum is a true blessing to you. So an early night for you my dear, recharge those batteries, even get any angst out into a journal before you nod off and thanks as always for your advice.
Take care,
Love Lindy

Hi Sarah,

I hope you had a good nights sleep and that you feel better today. Remember it's a rollercoaster ride and things will get better..We are all here for you..

Stay strong

love sophy xx

Thanks guys - it means so much. Didn't get a good night really - nothing to do with the boys they were great, but my father has dementia, had a fall, i went to pick him up, fell and cracked my head - hey but my boy went to school !!!!

Love Sar xx

Hi Sarah
Delighted your son went to school, but truly sorry you injured yourself. Hope you're ok. God you have your hands full.
Best wishes being sent to you