Hi, I'm glad I found out that I'm not the only one with problem like this. My son (12) started looking for excuses not to go to school while back and it started like day in fortnight but recently he was getting panic attack every morning and I had to keep him of for the whole week. I really don't know what to do with him. We are waiting for someone to contact us from mental health but he is really sceptical and pessimistic about it.In mean time I'm not sure how the school will react and do they give him this time out. He is very good in some subjects.
And I'm very happy for Simon - good result!!!

Hi Mariana,

I am so glad you found us. It is a difficult time for you and lots of decisions. Is your son at high school or last year of Primary/Junior?
My son is also 12 and we have had this going on for many years so I should be an expert by now! But as you will have noticed all kids are different despite their similarity in symptoms and all situations and schools react differently.
Simon has always stressed to keep all records of events,meetings, an account of what you see happening at your end etc. This is really important.

It is important you get some help for your son and I always let people know about cognitive behaviour therapy as it is the only thing that has helped my son.
My son is now at a stage where he realises that he has to keep breaking through the barriers. This doesn't always work - but it mostly does - so he mostly goes to school. The more they stay away from school the harder it is to return. So in these early stages - you need to weigh up how much you can talk him into going and breaking through the panic attack as if it is just a brick wall he has to knock down and he does have the strength and means to do so - or if you feel he is just mentally too distraught to do this - and then you will need the help as soon as possible and work at either still getting him there or working through the system to find out what help you can get at home (lots of older posts on here regarding this) and some have gone down the home schooling road.

Your son will need to come to an acceptance of the anxiety before he can start to change his negative thoughts. Sometimes it is one thing that set it off but other times it just seems a chemical changes or something - and the negative thoughts get stuck in a rut and all they see is negatives and nothing they say is rational as a result. So it is very frustrating for you - we know how you must be feeling right now! If it helps - my son has come to this acceptance and he has realised the brain can changed its thought patterns (I told him about the book - the brain that changes itself by....someone Doidge) and that helped. Before that he felt that his brain was stuck. We still go through bad patches but they are shorter and he does not get depressed like he used to.

Sorry for the lengthy reply. Show your son you are trying to understand and you love him and will be there for him to work through this. And if the school cannot come up with help quickly - I would go private and ask for a psychologist that deals with adolescents/children and does cognitive behaviour therapy. It seems that it is just too long sometimes before CAMHS get to see kids and by then- the child has stayed home for even longer and become depressed and lost all self esteem! See what you can find out from the school - and go from there.
It does take a lot of action from ourselves unfortunately, even though as parents we are worn out and stressed from it all! Stay in touch and let us know what steps you are able to take and how your son goes. We are here for you any time to rant and rave or ask advice.
Take care -
Linda

Hi Linda,

thanks for your encouragement I was scared and I still am. Your reply did lifted my mood already. It is really difficult to even talk to them and trying to give them answers. My son always asking me: Mum why I feel like this?? Why I can't be confident and happy?? What I have done, why this is happening to me??

There have been events leading up to this in past because he started been so frustrated with little things at the end of year six. Year seven he spend in his room and fighting over silly things.I had talk with him why he is so distant and he brake down crying saying that he can't help him self. Now he is in year eight. My husband lost his job and his anger reflected in the house too. I do keep a mental note of all thinks happening it's hard to forget. He gets so frustrated he rips his clothed up, he damages his furniture,his stuff in his bedroom. I work nights and first think I do when I come home check his room if he is ok. I just hope that this gets better.

I am waiting for doctor put me in contact with children mental health department and I am hope to start CBT. As you all mentioned that is helping and I have read lots about it. I do not think I could afford to go somewhere else I have to wait for NHS.
I am very happy for you son that something is working for him and he can find that break through even for a day or so and for everybody who have success in this matter. It is really hard to go through this in such a young age when there lives should be filled with happiness and joy.
He is home again promising to go in tomorrow. I hope!!!
Thank you again Linda for your support and take care.

Hi Mariana,

You are a good mum and doing all you can. It is so stressful though, isn't it.
My son has not gone to school this morning as they have athletics and he got so stressed out and upset about this but has promised to go in at morning tea time when it is normal classes again. He has gone in late a few times this year (whereas in previous years at Primary school he refused to go in later in the day). He still hates arriving late as he is anxious about what other kids will say 'where have you been?'. Some of the students in his class are now saying ' you are always away, you are always sick.' I hope it doesn't impact on his attendance as he is going most days! Small things seem to tip them over the edge, don't they?

You sound like you have a lot to deal with in your household. His anger is something that also seems common with lots of other children who have this anxiety. It is their frustration. And yes - it is so sad to see them like this when they should be so happy and having fun. It took me many years to accept that this was the situation - and even now - I feel torn inside when I see what goes on with my son when other children walk past our house on their way to school and I listen to other mums telling me that their children and doing this and that. But we understand completely on here - so keep posting. You can only keep trying to get him there and it is good you seem able to sit down and talk with him. Perhaps he thinks that medication will change how he is - but CBT won't. But even if he eventually takes medication - you can tell him that he will still be him - but without all the anger, frustration, anxiousness at the level that it is. But thanks for reminding me that there is a flickering light at the end of the tunnel : )

Our stories are all so similar, aren't they! After finding this forum - I feel everyone on here is so close and have saved me so many times from tears. I hope we are able to do the same for you. Keep posting and let us know how you go - others on here can answer more specific questions about the school process and CAMHS than I can.
Good luck for tomorrow,
Linda

Hi Linda and all

yes our stories are very similar. Now (reading up on earlier posts) I found other common factor - bedtime Sarah is varied if she is good mum if her son is up at 10:30 what can you do if they cannot get sleep??? Mine is up 2:30!!! Yes. Complaining that he cannot stop thinking about everything. Working four night shifts in the supermarket and staying up with him to keep him company and of the laptop its not easy and this is his biggest excuse of not going to school because he is so tired.
This is his second week solid I am scared that as you all experienced it will make the return harder. He promises every night that he try in the morning but the answer is same :I'm too tired'. I haven't heard any think from his GP yet and going private it will be the only option to get somebody's attention soon.
I am trying to keep his spirits up all the time we talk all day about his possibilities in the future he looks happy and so confident but comes evening and it's like somebody switched lights off.

His sister is so different she is shy girl but she takes everything as it comes no questions asked.
why can't they be the same???
I am going to make him some breakfast and get him out of bed to get some normality in his life.
Lots fo strength to you all.

Good luck Mariana...you can only do your best. Sounds like you are there for you son and that is so important. Your description of 'lights going out' when they start thinking about the next day is very true.
I think technology in their lives is a big problem but is not the only problem. They tend to cling to it to make them feel better.
Take care
Linda

Goodness me Mariana...your son sounds exactly like my daughter! We have been dealing with her problems for about 7 years. But the Sr reallly solid now for 7 months. Seeing a psychiatrist was not really the answer for us. The dr prescribed anti-depressants..but what my daughter needs is CBT, as I said on my other post....now we have an appointment for this...hopefully we should see some improvement.
all I can suggest is that you phone up the CAMHS near you regular;ly to really pester tham about your appointment, and tell them how difficult it is for all of you. I wish you the best of luck.