My daughter has finally been 'given' the diagnosis of SR by our psychologist. In fact she phoned the school in our presence and told them, so now they know she's not 'skivving' off school.
Anyway...she hsa been having education through the local ECOS (Education for Children out of School) Our local council closed all the PRU's (pupil referal units) ( well they've got 3 grammar schools to fund!!!) any way. She has 5 hours of online lessons a week in english, maths and science. A TA comes to the house for 1 hour a week to help DD with any concerns. The turos for ECOS set assignments for DD to do as extra work. Problem - DD sleeps all day, will not get up, get washed, get dressed. She constantly makes excuses as to why she hasn't done the assignments. I had an email from the ECOS co-ordinator to say that DD hadn't been logging on to lessons. When I asked her about this she said that one of the tutors 'hated her' and always asked her more questions than anyone else.
The psychiatrist had suggested that we look for some vocational course which might interest DD and keep her in a scocialising situation. (She never goes out and rarely has friends around). We found a local tech college in December that were happy to have DD to do hair and Beauty, however the school felt this was not appropriate for our DD. The psycologist felt that this was unacceptable and basically told the school this. the school then said if we could find a college that would take our daughter on then they would have a look in to it...although they said that we would be lucky to find any where. so we went back to the college that saidyes before and they said 'yes' again. Back to the school. The answer came to day ...NO..they cannot justify the cost. So we are left with a 15 year old that does not even attend on-line lessons because she thinks the tutors don't like her. She thinks that the majority of teachers and the head teacher don't like her. DShe thinks most of the kids at school don't like her, that the people in our town don't like her..it goes on and on!
Anyway...to get to the point!!! Our daughter need an education. Who is responsible for funding this? Is it ultimatly the LEA or the school? As the school have said 'no' can we appeal this to a higher authority?
I do personally feel that the LEA have let her down in many respect. At primary she was bullied and the head master refrused to aknowledge tjhat this was happening. We moved her to another school,In secondary we warned the school prior to starting year 7 that there would be issues with the bullies from the old primary. 'Don't worry' they said. What did they do? Put her in the same class!! Well that worked well. This is when the SR started. DD developed anorexia. These kids were targetting the house too with graffitt and damage. they would follow her about and subject her to physical and verbal abuse. Waht did the school say? @ They need to all try and be friends!' We moved her angin to another school,(the current one) but all the problems have been set and DD just doesn't trust any teachers. She has been the victim of gossip which has not helped and quite frankly the lack of support we have had from all the school authorities have left us in this situation!!
Any ideas??
Thanks...ps ignore the spellings...I am typing in a frenzy!

Hi Nellie,

All I can say is the poor kid, no wonder she trusts no one they haven't exactly helped her have they. My D receives 5 hours tuition per week at home through Hospital and Home tuition which your psychiatrist should be able to refer her for. (I assume they have this service in every area. your D may benefit from it as they come to your home and it is a one to one which I know my D is benefitting from enourmously. I obviously don't know your daughter but I think she needs to learn to trust people again. As for funding etc they drive you mad, I would go direct to the LEA if the school are dragging their feet and if you get no joy go to your county councillors, they employ the LEA.

Good Luck

Sue

hi Nellie,

So sorry to hear how things are for you. Others on here might be able to answer your questions regarding who funds etc.
Sounds like you had a good support set up but unfortunately your daughter wasn't up to taking it on. Is she getting any cognitive behaviour help? I found it has been the only thing that has helped my son. It also helps me to work with him on trying (over a very long period!) to change his thought patterns. He has been on and off the same as your daughter - and still refuses to go to local shops in case someone sees him or have friends over etc. If he had his way - he'd stay in the house all day every day. I have to keep battling to make sure he gets out. The more I have battled - the better it has come (I'm a bit of a wreck but I can see he hasn't gone backwards on that one). It is just so hard - and my heart goes out to you.
My son also refuses to work at home - to even start a piece of work - he shuts off completely. It is like trying to draw blood from a stone. I cannot work this one out at all - unless they are perfectionists and so cannot do the work just in case it is wrong. They seem to feel they are on show all the time - as if they have their thoughts written all over their outer body. Try and see if you can get the psychologist to work on the CBT and you might see those small steps appearing. Good luck
Take care,
Linda xx

Hi Nellie, again another post has made me cry. Your daughter has an official diagnosis so i am sure the LEA have a duty of care to educate, but i strongly recommend parent partnership who will help you sort this out. My son never trusted anyone and he too wouldnt get up or wash or study, but it will get better - but it has to be done in their own time when they are ready. Also contact your MP ours supported us so much.

Good luck Sar x

Hi Sarah,

I know you mentioned in the past that your CBT guy works via skype. Can you email me re his details. My son has agreed to give it ago again but wants to try someone different and he likes the idea of skype. His therapists agrees that a new approach might work. It so sad as he just wants to go to school and just can't. I think that until he accepts this we are not going to move on....

Thank you

Sophyx

Hi Sophy - I will speak with John over the weekend and get him to e mail you.

Sarah xx

Hi Nellie,
it's really sad that our children feel that no one cares and everybody is out there to get them and talking about them. I just come back from hairdresser £10 for hair cut for my son and you can not even notice. He is so scared to look different. He normally have hair cut during half term but somehow we missed it, now he was off school for two whole weeks and he got so frustrated after shower(because his hair is curly and long)
BUT HE IS HAPPY WITH IT.
I haven't heard anything from school or doctors yet. He does some work at home but not a great deal. In his opinion the school should not teach him stuff that he does not need. He want to learn only about computers. And he had same problem with his English teacher like your daughter. She was the reason why he hated to go to school only on certain days but she become his tutor and he had her every morning for 20 min and that's when he started to go to school half hour late.
When he told me about it I went to see his head of the year and had a word with her. She was sure that my son is lazy, inactive and always tired. Even trough his results from some subjects are above average and he loves them.
Bullied by teacher. She works with teenagers she must know that they like to be different why make there lives misery????
Enough of my ranting I think you should be supported by local authority as they are in control of all the fund for LEA and you are covered by GP.
We love them and we have to be there for them, who else???
HOW LONG????

Thank you Mariana..it is sometimes so difficlut that it becomes too much to cope with. Perhaps you feel the same...it sounds like that is the case for lots of us parents! It's so frustrating getting people to listen. Now I have an appointment to see a psychologist who may be able to help her. I literally cannot wait! Then we can have an assessment and show the school that they have been wrong to judge our child!

hi Mariana,

I had to smile with the haircut story. Just like my son. We have finally found a male hairdresser that he will go back to but the first two times- practically nothing cut! By the third visit - it is looking so much better. He also complains if his hair goes curly or sticks out etc. He hates it when it curls.
We battle on! Maybe by the third visit to the hairdresser - you will also see the difference in your son's hair : )
Linda