my nearly 15 year old has been out of school more or less since decemeber 2010 -had a period of admission into the CAMHS unit - where she went to the unit school as it was in the same building - they were supposed to be reintegrating her into her own school while she was there but didnt - I havent founbd out why not

she was expected to come home and go straight back to her own school 1/2 day first day back then full days - of course it didnt work

so were are refered back to the the childrens reporter and the eharing system - the psychiatrist recomends she is moved out of my homw - they say she showed no signs of anxiety and they think its my lack of robust boundaries

luckily social services are trying to support her to stay at home as thats what she wants

how can everything go so wrong?

Hi Jezebel

I am so sorry to hear how things are for you. You know - we all get accused of not being strong enough parents with our SR kids - but seems they are taking this with you further because of your position. Has the psychiatrist been supportive before - is this a new slant she is taking or is a new person?

You are very lucky to have social services to support you. It would seem wrong to send her off somewhere else just when she is in the middle of all this. Was she getting medication from the psychiatrist? Is this why it was not a psychologist?
Our psychiatrist has just referred us back to a psychologist to work more intensely with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy as she said there is no more she can actually do at the moment and CBT is cheaper with psychologists. I can't remember if your daughter has had CBT or not?

Don't let them make you feel like you are not setting boundaries - they are not you - and they are not going through what you go through. I think what happens to us all over time is that we do let some boundaries go as we need some peace. Whilst this might not be seen by the professionals as ok - we also have to survive. So don't feel guilty.

You must feel it is hard to trust others at the moment - and who to share your worries and concerns with. WE are always here to listen. Have you been involved with the parent group that Sarah has mentioned. They have been very supportive for her. Will the original adoptive organisation support you?

If you can stress to CAMHS that there needs to be another plan - will that help? From my own experience - there is no way my son would go if he was told only half a day first day then full on after that. At the moment he averages 3-4 days a week and sometimes goes in late. Re integrating students back into the school system needs to be slow - it will not happen over night as you know - but if you can stress this - and also put forward a plan of your own - they might listen a bit more. It is so easy for all of us to feel a bit steam rollered in all of this.

Does your daughter know that they have suggested she live somewhere else? If so - how does she feel? Surely at her age there is also a lot from her point of view that needs to be taken into account - but not to let her just feel if she goes from you that it will all magically improve. It must be a tricky situation.
Sorry for my long email - but I do feel for you - it is really tough.
Take care and keep posting - we are here to support in any way we can.
Linda

Jezebel

Well it's beggers belief it really is, i am so cross for you - these people have absolutley no idea. Keep strong and thank goodness social services are on your side, at least someone has some common sense.

Linda said it all really. Take care of yourselves you are doing a stirling job in difficult times and we all feel for you.

Sending you lots of hugs

Sarah xx

thank you - its a nightmare - total nightmare

SW and ICSS are saying they can see she may never get back to school - and maybe we have to accept tht and go very slowly working on her aggarophobia - they call it that but CAMHS have seemed to wash their hands of us by saying its parenting and behaviour

she will be gutted if she looses her school place - so will I as its a very specialised teeny school

but she hasnt been for 16 months - and will be 16 july 2013 - so really only has a year left

SS are talking about me maybe having to take it all to court if CAMHS recomendations of her going into care are taken as the right way forward by the hearing

meanwhile I have a terrified girl who is being physiacally aggressive to me as she is terrified she will be taken into care

what I havent asked is if I could be prosecuted for truancy as CAMHS have said she just needs boundaries and its lack of parental care - I KNOW SOME PARENTS HAVE SERVED TIME IN PRISON FOR NOT MANAGING SCHOOL ATTENDENCE

sorry to rant - am fairly gutted by it all

Hi
I am so sorry to read our post. You must be worried sick. I hope your daughter is well. It is good for her to see you are on her side and fighting for her.
I cannot understand how people blame this on parenting. No parent in their right mind would have their child anxious, upset and distressed.

I am glad SS are on your side. Hopefully things will work out. Could your daughter study at home? Is it necessary for her to return to any type of school given her age?

You are doing a great job as a mother looking out for her, please don't let anything anyone says make you think any different.
We are her to listen and support you anytime you need it. Good luck.

hi Jezebel,

So sorry to hear how things are. I agree with what Virginia has said.
Let your daughter know you are on her side. The aggression from her is also her frustration at feeling so anxious all of the time.
Don't let them keep telling you about the parenting - let them know you know lots of us on here who are struggling with our kids too.
It is far too easy for them to blame the parent. But when you get the right help- they don't blame the parent. And our parenting all goes off a bit during this struggle as what can we do!? When our kids are so traumatised by the whole thing they act out in a way that is very hard for us - so we also need to survive. So never beat yourself up about whether you are doing a good job - you are....it is a really tough job and the fact that you are still able to let us know how bad you are feeing is an indication that you are never giving up. And that is great.

Sorry I can't offer advice re court - but I do know that a case in the UK got thrown out of court by the judge and there has been on further cases in the media since (doesn't mean there are not more behind the scenes) but it is worth showing anyone that who threatens you with court. I did post the link to this some time back - not sure if I posted it to you?
Take care and rant and rave any time you want - we are here always.
Linda x