Hi all - just been looking back through the threads but can't find the one i am looking for. One of you lovely parents wanted to know the contact details for our private theropist who does CBT via skype or ovet the phone but i can't see who it was - can you let me know as i have spoken to him and he is more than happy to have a chat and see if he can help.

Hope everyone is ok - not been on here too much as just so much going on at the moment. M is continuing to work a few hours in the warehouse for work experience before he starts officially in July - the lads have been great with him, buying him bacon rolls and talking x box !! I have on the whole managed to , and keep away and only get to see him when i have a genuine need to go into the warehouse, and have told the staff that they have to treat him as a trainee and not my son and if he does something wrong then tell him.

Son no 2 has been on the whole good, well at least gone to school and has done exceptionally well in his exams. M has his GCSE's starting the week after next and is working hard towards those.

Love to all

Hi Sarah,

It was me! my email is attached!

sophy

Hi Sophy - Just e mailed you his number - hope it helps.

Sarah xx

I posted recently in the mental wellbeing section regarding CBT. Don't want to take up space repeating the post but in short my son was assessed as "unsuitable" and then "not ready" for CBT twice by our local CAMHS. Nothing else was offered and we're still in limbo. Son's difficulties with school started with a physical illness which was not diagnosed correctly for about a year by which time chronic pain syndrome and pain amplification had set in. Physio is the treatment for this and although he became much more mobile he still has difficulties getting into school (below 20% for last three and a half years). Health professionals think his problems are now more psychological than physical but he's not getting any help with this. We would consider private treatment but don't want to find that we pay someone to just say he's "unsuitable" again. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Did you find an answer?

hi Leah,

I really believe in CBT - not from what I have heard and read but also from what I have seen with my son. I think it is terrible that you are being told your son is not 'suitable'. Not 'ready' perhaps - but even then - that is debatable. How old is your son?

My son is 12 and has had some CBT despite myself also feeling he was not quite 'ready' to take this on board but it helped him tremendously. It helped him accept that he had anxiety and that his negative thoughts are not necessarily something he should keep saying in his head. He is not that good at doing this yet but we now believe and have been told that he is ready for some more focused CBT. We start this coming week.

If I was you I'd read up all you can on CBT and then take my story or anyone elses and push CAMHS to work with your son with CBT. They may not have someone trained....it is possible. In which case you would need to go private. The main thing is that your son has to get along ok with the person. It needs to be someone who can say 'look - this is anxiety - it is really tough for you - but you will gain skills that others only gain as adults...so its going to be ok.' The reassurance is important - otherwise they keep thinking they are crazy. Just talking about 'why' is pointless - as some psychologists do. When you ring the psychologist you need to stress that you want CBT. Not all psychologists work with CBT. These days when finding the new psychologist I also checked out the National Psychologist register (you probably have one in the UK) for those working with CBT and then when I rang her I was very open about what I wanted.
We have also agreed that if my son does not take to her - then we won't keep going. She is happy with this. We didn't go back to another psychologist we had been seeing as my son and her were just too different and my son always stressed too much about going. He liked the psychiatrist - she was great with him - but way too expensive! And you need to stress to CAMHS that anxiety IS a mental health issue. Why they would think it wasn't is just crazy seeing there is so much known about this these days.

It must be hard for you, watching your son with the pain, as well as the pain of anxiety. Have they said it is possibly something like 'lupus'?

Let us know how you go.
All the best
Linda
PS the CBT helps us as parents to also know how to talk to our kids when they are in this anxious state. We need CBT too : )

Hi Leah, I, like Linda, am surprised your son has been deemed 'unsuitable' for CBT. It probably would not be good for very little children but I do think it can work for secondary school children. The right therapist will be able to help him to look at his thought processes so if he is thinking negatively like "School is an unsafe place to be" or "everyone will look at me when I go back" or "I can't go back as I always feel ill at school" they will gently challenge this black and white thinking and get him to think in a more positive way, basically defusing his beliefs about school which are somewhat distorted. I am sure with the right therapist it can be adapted to younger people. CBT often involves writing things down, diary keeping and drawing etc and children can respond to these visual things often very well. It should be able to help with his pain also. I know they use it in pain relief clinics.

I have had to get my 16 year old daughter to see a private psychologist who specialises in CBT for anxiety and depression. I did not have much luck with CAMHS who put her with a counsellor who said she did CBT but kept asking her about her feelings and whether she was getting enough sleep etc. I was frustrated as she was not getting specialist phobia treatment. I am actually a therapist myself (how frustrated am I at not being able to directly help my own daughter!!) so I do have a good knowledge of what sort of help she needs. CAMHS in my area does not have the resources for her to see a psychologist which I did not know until we had waited 10 weeks for her to be seen and then the counsellor told me she may not be able to see her every week which is no good at all! So, I whipped her out of there and we are now paying for this lovely guy to see her. He is quite young, looks like a university student, but is highly qualified and very personable. I think she can relate to him quite well. It is expensive £85/hour and I shudder every time I hand it over as we are not rich but it is worth it as she has been able to go in for her exams in the last two weeks so something is working.

I would contact some private people. talk to them and get a 'feel' for them. Don't feel in limbo, there is help out there but you will probably have to pay for it!

Good luck, I feel for you and all of us, this is such a nightmare but one day they will be adults making their way in the world and we will look back and go "what was that all about"!

R xx

Hi everyone,

For those interested. I have just come across this research that was done by a research student in the US about whether school psychologists are trained to treat School Refusal adequately. Can't believe such a study was done on just the thing we have been wondering!
You can read the whole dissertation or you can jump to her conclusion (see site below) and I have quoted her main conclusion. Just what we thought. There are some...but sadly - I think many are missing out.
Linda

"Although school psychologists associated school refusal behavior with anxiety or fear related to school, cognitive- behavioral techniques were not consistently identified as effective intervention strategies. Cognitive-behavioral interventions were also not consistently endorsed as interventions school psychologists felt they had the professional training to use...
Over half of the school psychologists participating in this study indicated that school psychologists are not adequately trained to intervene with school refusers. Given the variety and potential severity of the short and long term consequences associated with school non-attendance, intervention for such behavior is critical to children’s well-being. " (2009)


http://dspace.iup.edu/bitstream/handle/2069/197/Danielle+DeAngelis.pdf;jsessionid=44F7EF04700A0127B47137B946CC5C65?sequence=1

Thanks for the replies about CBT. My son has a diagnosis of a physical problem: hypermobility syndrome otherwise known as Ehlers-Danlos syndrome hypermobility type. However, he is not a severe case and we have been told in the past that he should be fine to attend school full-time. I think the problems came because it took a while to get a diagnosis and in the meantime he was told either nothing was wrong with him (when clearly something was - he was often in so much pain he could hardly walk) or that he'd soon get better (which he didn't). I think he felt that nothing would work and even though he got much better after physio inpatient treatment at Great Ormond Street Hospital he's been convinced that the maintenance programme can't help him at home and that anything medical people tell him is wrong (because mostly, in the past, it was!). My take on all this is that he's now got anxiety about not coping and people seeing him not coping. CAHMS originally said he was "unsuitable" for CBT as he wasn't "motivated" to do it. I think he just doesn't like talking about being in pain (physically or mentally) and doesn't believe this therapy or anything will help. When we managed to get a psychologist from CAHMS to see him more recently, she said he still wasn't motivated and that he was only coming to sessions to keep us, his parents, happy. He still wants to go to school but as he's now in Yr 8 (aged 12 about to turn 13) it's getting a bit late to make up missed ground (3 years of under 20% attendance). I'll look into CBT practioners in the area but don't think we can manage £80 or £90 a session for very long. CAHMS won't offer anything else for us currently and as their most recent offering was to suggest getting the school to prosecute us for son's non-attendance as a way to get him back in, I don't think we'll be approaching them at any time in the near future.

Sarah

its great to hear things going good, sorry not been on for a while, still find the stories so hard, things still going ok this end, R still going into college for a few hours once a week, doesn't want to go and is not enjoying it but is not anxious at all, he's still applying for jobs but no luck yet, good luck to M for his exams, think about you and Linda often,

Take care
Dorothy x

Hi Dorothy,

I am so glad to hear from you, it has been awhile. Glad things are still going ok at your end. It is hard reading all the new posts as so many parents are hitting the same rock bottom place where we have all been - my heart goes out to them. I am still struggling to get my son to school every day but considering where we were a few years ago - we have taken some big steps forward. We have to be strong mums (and dads) - don't we!
Take care - and love to hear from you some time again re how things are going.
Linda xx

thanks Linda

It's the small steps that mean the most, and your boy is doing good, I often come on and read the posts, but don't leave comments, but I will always be around, we've shared so much over the years and i think we will always remain friends. I know that you and your son still have a long way to go, but you will get through this.

Take care
Dorothy x

Thanks Dorothy. I am very glad of your friendship too - I still look back on those early days and how you, Sarah and others were there for me, despite what you were going through yourselves.
Take care
Linda x