Well, again the tears have been flowing. M should have been in an exam this morning, bu hey guess what !! yes you've guessed it didn't happen. Since Sunday he has been on edge and i knew something was wrong, but as always he convinced me all was ok. At 11pm Sunday he asked me to cut his hair, and i said yes but would do it Monday - was i being unreasonable not to do it there and then when i had been in bed for 15 minutes ?? He then said if i wouldn't do it then he would do it himself, and proceeded to get the clippers and hack at chunks off the front. I stopped him as soon as i could - he said he wanted to shave it all off as he hates his hair - he has great hair !! So i spent the next hour trying to rectify it, and i was very pleased with the result, but of course it wasn't right and all my fault !! So yesterday he spent all day with a woolley hat on, was 2 hours late in meeting his friends becasue he hated his hair and told them that it was awful and not to take the mickey - well that's red rag to a bull, of course they would as he's told them. They would never have even noticed if he hadn't said anything, so when he came home he said that they had tried to take his hat off him - what did he expect really !! All my fault !!He has his hiar very short anyway and within a couple of weeks it will be no different. He said that he hated everything and that he didn;t fit in and his friends only use him to take the mickey out of. This just isn't true and they are a lovely bunch as i pointed out to him they came round on Sunday because he hadn't answered his phone - he said it was only because we have a pool and it was hot - but they didn't want to go in it, and once M was ready they went off to the park. He texted his friends and said he wasn't going to go round with them any more, and shut himself in the bedroom - then the penny dropped THE EXAM. When he calmed down we spoke about it, he said what the point he was only going to fail - I completely broke down how could he even think that !! There was no way he would do it, so the phone calls were made. I asked again this morning but he wouldn't budge. I went down to th exam centre and met our lovely chap from school who had sorted it all out for me, he was lovely as i cried and cried. I said it wasn't worth him being entered for the rest of the exams as it would be the same. He said we need to keep trying and if he can't do it then he can't, it't not the end of the world. He said that i had done everything possible and that it was all down to him now. He also said that if he doesn't take the job he has accepted then there are other things to look at.

Really don't know what to do now, this is one of the worst states he has been in,so i think another trip to the GP is in order.

Just when you think you have cracked it !!

Sorry for going on, need a little bit of TLC at the moment.

Sarah x

Sarah,
Mega hugs being sent your way. The thought of sitting the exams is just so overwhelming for M and in turn the thought of him not sitting the exams after all the work he has put in this year is just so overwhelming for you!
Is there ever an end to the effects of SR or do we just move from one crisis to the next and just keep on coping ...?
All I know is that you are a wee strong one and you and M will work through this. Just know that there is a lot of support for you here and that I'm at the end of the phone too.
Take care ,
love Lindy x

Hi Sarah

What a tough horrible time for you both. The more I read and learn about SR the more I am coming to realise that at the bottom of it a lot of the time is the fear of failing and letting others and themselves down and about being accepted so rather than do this they avoid the situation. This is certainly true of my daughter and the reality is that we have never put any pressures on her they are all self imposed.

It is so hard to try and advise you as to what to do but I would probably say go with the teacher leave him entered for the exams and take each one as it comes, if he manages to go in and do it fantastic if he doesn't just give him a hug (thats if he still accepts hugs) and say maybe next time.

Could he sit them somewhere else, away from his school mates etc where he may feel less pressure.

Hang in there Sarah, take a deep breath and onwards and upwards

Hi Sarah,

So sorry to hear how you are feeling at the moment. Like the others - lots of hugs coming your way. And for your son.
Like Sue says - keep him enrolled for the exams - he may be able to sit some.
The first will have always been the hardest for him.
Oh....I just know how frustrating it is for you.....and after those steps forward. Remember - it is not going backwards - it is merely a hiccup - or where he has been and moved on from.
The hair incident is a curious one -I wonder what your son was thinking! They are so desperate to be accepted and yet they do things that stand them out! And it seems natural with SR kids to include everyone in their negativity when it takes over - including mates. And yes - Lindy I think mentioned the fear of failure that is common amongst SR kids. They also get a negative blockage in their minds and no rational thoughts prevail.

Put your feet up and have a cuppa and take some deep breaths (or by now you will have gone through another night). The teacher at the school sounds so understanding - and his words are wise.
What has your son said now about how he feels? Is there anyone who can talk him through this and also give strategies to face the next exam? Any cognitive behaviour therapy at hand?
But don't worry - again - there will be other opportunities open up.
Love to you both,
Linda xx

Sarah

so so sorry to hear this, unfortunately we still have to take one day at a time, just because M didn't make it into this exam, doesn't mean it will happen with them all, just keep giving him the support as you have been doing, you know pushing him will make him worse, I know its really hard and this is what he's been working toward, but he can only do his best.

sending you love and hugs.

Take care
Dorothy x

thank you all - i just wish he could have tried after all the hard work he put in. He would have they predicated got A's but he said he wouldn' t and anything less is not good enough. This has really set us back to the point he didn't want to start his apprenticeship, but i hope he doesn't decide not to take that as to be honest he wouldn't get anything else as employers will see a kid who hasn't gone to school not taken any exams - it doesn't look good. Tney dont see the clever, caring boy he is.

will just have to wait and see.

Sar xx