Hi guys,
Just wondering what exactly you all think school refusal is? I mean, do you think it's a mental illness, or a phobia, or on the autistic spectrum or what?
I have no idea myself, but thought some of you might have some ideas?
Em

Hi Em,

I think it can be any and/or all of those you have mentioned. Whilst our children do have similarities with each other and have had a tendency to have smaller issues over time - these children are not all the same. Our children do also seem to be bright and intelligent. But it does seem that the 'anxiety' that school refusal poses does also turn up in other aspects of their lives - which can point towards a mental illness or if they are on the autistic spectrum - a side effect from how they see and feel the world. Other than that - it seems it is still very much a mystery to most of us and to the professionals.

For my son I believe it is anxiety and the school environment poses a huge threat to that anxiety as it is unpredictable and there are many expectations placed on the child. It is also an environment away from his 'comfort zone' (home). I see this as a glitch in the way the brain is perceiving things - which you can call a mental illness. But a mental illness sounds such a heavy word - I'd like to think that my son will find ways around this problem and not have the term' mental illness' hanging over his head for life as unfortunately our society doesn't quite understand what mental illness is and that it can be transitory but if with us for life- people can function well. It doesn't have to be a bad thing - but as our society seems to want to produce children that are 'all the same' then instead of someone being quirky, excentric, way out, introverted, extremely creative, a maths genious - we now say they have a mental illness if this is coupled with social anxiety or inability to meet other 'standards'.
Sorry - raved on a bit there - but it probably opens up more questions than answers!
Linda

Hi Em

I think Linda has answered for me, it is a combination of all those mentioned. My son had anxieties and it manifested into school phobia / refusal and was a bit of a slippery slope from there on, but 5 years later and he is amazing, they will all get there in the end one way or another.

Hope this helps - are you having problems ?

Sarah xx

I too agree with what Linda and Sarah have said.

Interestingly I was talking to my daughters home tutor after a visit from daughters head of year, who had mentioned daughter being a school refuser, I said to her tutor how I didn't think it was a nice term to call a child with my daughters problems and her tutor said that they wouldn't say that is what she is and that a school refuser to them is very different and that my daughter has an anxiety which is an illness. I think that there is still a long way to go with understanding what happens to kids who go through this and as we all know only too well, there is no quick fix.

I've been wondering for three years exactly what happened to my son.
He had been bright, outgoing, confident, and extremely happy at school, up until he started secondary school. And then, for some reason, everything changed. It was like magic, like he'd been struck by lightning. Almost overnight, he was a different person. Crying, begging, doing anything to not have to go to school. And if I let him off, which I did sometimes when I just couldn't face the battle, he cheered right up and was almost back to his usual self.
He hasn't been back to school since about April, and I finally realised that he won't go back. We pulled him out of school, and all of his problems just vanished. It's great, I've got my son back, but it's left me wondering where he went, and how I ended up with this empty, depressed boy for so long.
I don't think he could be on the autistic spectrum, because he's never had any developmental problems or anything, always had lots of friends etc. I don't know a lot about autism or anything though, and I don't know if he could be on the high functioning end of the scale? He's seen therapists though, and they've never said anything, but I don't know. Do any of you have children on the spectrum? Could you tell me anything about it and what it looks like?
Really I don't mind so much what exactly it was, I'm just glad to have my son back, but I thought maybe it could help other people in the future to understand their children more. I wish I'd known straight away that he wasn't just being naughty, and I wish other people (teachers, school mentors etc) had known. But my son's experience and the way he was treated makes me feel sorry for the first kids with Asperger's/ADHD/dyslexia. I wonder if they got treated like our children do, like badly behaved, lazy troublemakers?
Sorry for the long post, had a lot to say.
Em

My wife was talking to me yesterday about the term 'School Refuser' saying how she feels it is wrong for the experience our daughter went through.
But is 'School Phobia' better?

Simon - just say didaskaleinophobia - that is the correct term, baffles everyone !! xx

Em - my son was exactly the same as soon as he started senior school, almost overnight. He has been tested for aspergers but that was negative ( not sure how they got the result as he hardly spoke to the doctor !! )

No one ever tells you about it, they just treat your child as naughty and we are bad parents, then you start to realise that it is quite common and there is support out there.

Glad your son is back to himself, as mine is too. What has your GP said about it ?

Sarah x