We have just finished 5 years of home educating our twin girls.
Both had severe school phobia/anxiety/OCD by the end of primary school and we opted not to jump through the hoops set by CAHMS, secondary school, Education Welfare, SEN etc. with the veiled threat of prosecution hanging over us.
The girls are now very happy, grounded individuals with plenty of friends and a busy social life. They gained top marks for their maths and english and are looking forward to starting college this month.
Make no mistake it's hard work, it's also ultimately rewarding. There's very little help out there but if you're at the end of your tether, as we were, it's a far better alternative.
If anyone is interested in the route we took I'd be glad to post some information.
I've just compiled a lengthy letter to our local Director of Children, Learning and Young People outlining the obstacles we've faced as parents of children with school phobia and how things might be improved. It will be interesting to read his response.

Hi Rob,

Thanks so much for giving hope!! Your story sounds really good (although still hard, as you say).
Can you let us know how you went about the home schooling and how you got materials etc or anything else that can help others on here who might be wondering if they can go down that track?
Thanks and all the best - well done to you all : )
Linda

Hi Linda
I'll try and cover what we did briefly, but if anyone wants further information in detail I'm happy to post more details.
The first thing we had to do was inform the local education authority that we would be home educating the girls. They then make an appointment for a visit from someone from the local Education Welfare Dept. In our case the gentleman was very supportive despite his obvious directive that children are better off in school.
By the time of his visit I had put together a scheme of work loosley based on that followed by children of an equivalent age in school. These national schemes of work can be found on the internet. I had also put together a timetable which included time set aside for things such as swimming, badminton etc. This could be any sporting activity or exercise that a child is interested in. The gentleman was impressed by the set up and said that we would not see him for a year unless we needed further advice. We subsequently saw him each year at the start of September.
We made it clear to my daughters that we were committing a lot of time and effort in removing them from school and expected full cooperation from them in return. We also decided early on that we would probably only put them in for their Maths, English language and English Literature GCSEs. The girls were so grateful they were prepared to go along with anything.
I set work each week in Geography, History, Science, Art/Technology, Maths and English. I must confess that I work in a secondary school (not as a teacher) and had access to interactive software, but there is a massive amount of resources on the internet aimed at school children including interactive games, worksheets, videos etc.
I soon learned that it was easier to set projects that would run and evolve over a few weeks. It also became evident that the girls became more inspired when compiling Powerpoint displays incorporating graphics and photos rather than just writing in exercise books.
The work I set was usually in the form of a Publisher file containing instructions and links to resources, websites, videos etc.
Sometimes I would ask them to watch a video each lesson and sum up briefly what they learned - series such as 'What The Victorians Did for Us' for History and David Attenborough's 'Plants' for Science proved enjoyable and informative.
What was great was that we could go off on a tangent from National Curriculum work often steering away from complex areas of a subject (the stuff we all learned and never used again after leaving school) to deal with far more practical or relevant things for example news related issues.
In what would have been year 9 we employed a maths tutor for 2 hours a week and the girls passed their maths GCSE at the end of what would have been Year 10.
The following year we subscribed to Oxford Home Learning (other companies are available) and the girls studied English Lang & Lit over a year. Note - they had to take International GCSEs which are exam based and very well thought of by colleges and employers. I would thoroughly recommend the course that was provided by this company and the girls gained top grades. Beware though - finding a suitable exam centre is very difficult. The girls took their maths exams at the Hospital Schools exam centre and their English exams at the school where I work.
I would add that you are not obliged to teach the same subjects or content as in school, I just found it easier as there were more resources available. You are also not obliged to take any exams at all, i just wanted the girls to have English and Maths as it opens so many more doors.
We also arranged work experience for the girls, firstly for a week in what would have been year 10, then the following year they worked at a relative's business for 2 days a week all year. This was officially work experience because of work laws governing under 16s but the girls received unofficial payment for the work they did. Connexions also contacted us in the final year to offer careers support if needed.
That is pretty much it. As long as we proved each September that we were well organised and the girls were well and happy with the situation the authorities left us to it. The girls improved very quickly and are now virtually free from their many issues. The next obstacle is college but I'm confident that they are now confident and grounded enough to cope with that environment.
We had seen children that had gone through their school lives terribly unhappy, with parents who were continually stressed and we decided enough was enough. We didn't have a large income and paying for tutors and distance learning courses wasn't cheap but it was worth it seeing the girls health and mood improve almost immediately. My wife and I both continued to work througout the duration although my wife was able to pop home occasionally through the day to check everything was ok.
I hope this may prove useful to anyone thinking of taking the plunge with home education. As I say it's hard work and can be stressful but nowhere near as stressful as what we were going through and what many on this site are also experiencing.

Hi Rob

I have just taken my 15 year old twin girls out of school and after reading this I wish I had done it years ago. The last 3 years have been hell as they have school refusal. We received very little help from the school and we had to watch them deteriorate by the day. CAHMS were less than useless and the Ed Psych told us to continue forcing them in. So we forced them in each day and in the process they became suicidal and we lost our happy family life. Their anxiety levels were horrendous and they were both so ill. The whole experience nearly ripped us apart. The damage that I feel has been done to them is indescribable and I worry in case long term damage has been done to their mental health. They both stopped speaking in school through anxiety - they just couldn't cope. I can only say that since we made the decision to home educate them at the end of June the whole family is happier. We still have a long way to go as they have very little self-esteem, confidence and have an anxiety disorder, they feel they can't make friends and that no one likes them. They still use control with regard to their food and can't quite relax yet. It took the words of a young doctor to make me realise that it was WRONG to force them into school. I finally realised that the schools aren't interested in anything but getting kids into school at any cost - all that matters is their league tables. We plan to take IGCSEs in English Lit, RE and English - starting at the end of next week. They have been chilling since the end of June and their stress levels have reduced dramatically though they still get low at times. I have bought the resources for the Eng Lit and RE but just the IGCSE student handbook for English. I'll have to search the intranet for some advice on the English IGCSE. I also plan some IT lessons, cookery, outings out to museums, baths, places of interest. A lot of home educators don't do structured learning but my girls want structure - their problem was never the learning aspect. You are so right about exam centres - our nearest is miles away! I know my girls feel a bit like failures that they couldn't finish school but I've told them they haven't failed it is the education system that failed them. In one way it makes me so angry that we have been forced into this but I am just glad we made this decision (it took us 18 months of can we/can't we before we took the plunge). You should be so proud of yourselves. To hear this success story makes me realise (when I have a wobbly moment ) that we have done the right thing. If we can have half the success that you have had with your girls I will be happy.

Hi Alison
Your story sounds hauntingly familiar and sadly reminds me of our experiences with CAHMS and the Education system. I'm sorry that you had to endure several more years of this than we did and unfortunately it sounds like your daughters have experienced what I feared would happen to our girls if we persevered with what the 'experts' told us.
What I would say is that your attitude sounds exactly right and I'm sure that with a bit of time and love your daughters will gain the confidence and self esteem that they are lacking at present.
Our daughters have gradually made some good friends and found that rather than other children thinking they were strange, they were actually quite envious of them.
All the best to you and your daughters.

p.s. if you think it would help I'm sure my daughters would post a message of support...

hi Rob (and Alison),

Thanks for sharing your stories. Thanks for the detailed account, Rob. That is really helpful. How did you help your daughters make friends when being home schooled? Did you meet with other home educated families? Were your children motivated to keep up with school work or do homework before you made the big decision to home school?
Were they afraid to take part in the work experience at all? Love the sound of getting them out doing that.

I really do envy what you were able to do. I am not sure I can go down that road as my son is an only child and he does have social anxiety and sometimes unable to leave the house and he also is not motivated to do school work at home, especially with any help from me. Everyone I know either on this forum our outside who has chosen the home schooling road has more than one child and usually both parents for support. So perhaps it is something that does need a strong support networkl? Did your daughters (Rob and Alison) show signs of anxiety outside of school before you made your decision? Do any of these continue?
Sorry for som many questions!!

Can you keep checking on the forum for a bit to see if anyone asks you further questions as the activity on here has been quiet lately due to the holidays. Once school starts back there might be some more interest in those wondering what decisions to make.
I am so glad you shared your stories here and in such detail, Rob. What a great turn around for your daughters. And Rob - you really sound like you threw yourself into everything that would make it work in terms of covering the curriculum.

And yes - would love to hear what your daughter's have to say and to mention how they felt at the end of Primary school to how they feel now.
Take care
Linda

I am considering home school as my son has moved schools but is still showing signs of school refusal. I am happy about planning learning and have the resources and the time to homeschool. My worry is that my son will not do the work for me. When the LA come to look at what we are doing will they expect to see loads of written work because I don't think my son will do a lot. What do the LA inspectors ask to see.

Hi Rob - Wish us luck for this week. We are going to gradually start easing the kids into starting some school work. We are going to a home education meeting on 18 September - we haven't been to one yet but I have met with another home educating parent and she said they are a lovely bunch. Similar issues to us she was forced into it with her eldest daughter when she hit 15 - again school refusal! She didn't go down the structured route but her daughter has just completed her first year at college with wait for it 100% attendance and has passed five GCSEs. Thank you so much for all of your advice and experience you have shared I really appreciate it and I'm sure others will too. It would be lovely to hear your girls' views too.

Hi Linda - your son sounds so much like my girls. While they were still struggling with the anxiety of school refusal it would have been impossible for their health to improve. Apart from school they never the left the house. They were deregistered and have been recovering since the end of June and they have improved so much. Even though there is still some way to go. They were so exhausted with all the anxiety, fear and stress they actually felt like zombies (their words not mine) and felt spaced out for much of the day. I have since read that this is associated with major depressive illness. We insist that they go out at least once a day to shops, walk dog etc. They will now walk the dog on their own and have been making great strides for example paying for things in shops - believe me even this was beyond them a few months ago such was their anxiety. Only you can decide to home educate and it is not an easy decision and believe me I've had my wobbles. If you do decide to go down this route I would take some time out to deschool yourself and son. Let your son relax even if he's zonked out in front of the TV. We've done this (I would have preferred to start studies October) but the kids seem keen to start when the schools go back. On another note myself and husband work - but he works nights so will be in the house much of the day - then again schooling doesn't have to take place between 9 and 3 does it?

Hi Alexandra - Education Otherwise is a great site for home schooling. I'm not even expecting to hear from the LEA - then again it depends where you live I suppose. Also another thing to think about is if you do deregister it is important to use the correct language in your letter - all details are on the Education Otherwise website.

Hi again
I'll try and answer a few questions, but I'm very aware that what worked for us might not work for other families.

Alison, you're very lucky to have found a meeting place for other home schooled families, maybe we didn't look hard enough but we didn't find anything like that available near us. I'm sure it will be a great help to both you and your children.
I was also encouraged by the story of the girl who had school refusal but did well at college. That's the next challenge for my daughters, but at present they seem more excited than worried.
Can you tell me if any pressure was put on you by Education Welfare to start schooling in September and to deliver a certain amount of hours per week? I'm just interested to compare our experience with that of other Education Authorities. The chap that visited us was very helpful but firm about what was expected.
Anyway, good luck and best wishes for the coming year!

Linda, I've no doubt that our task was made easier by the fact that our daughters had each other for company and support with their work. Likewise, although I generally set and checked the work, my wife was able to pop home occasionally and help where necessary. She also dealt with some of the more delicate Personal & Social Education work...
As far as friends go, they had a few from primary school but ironically made a new set of friends via a girl they met at CAHMS. She had OCD but could attend school so my daughters made a new group of friends in this way.
Both girls were keen to do work experience, but by then they had been out of the school system for 4 years and had greatly improved. One even worked for a week in the office at my school - no problem in that context.
Only one of our daughters showed any real anxiety problems before the shool refusal started. She suffered from OCD with obtrusive thoughts and separation anxiety. She was already being seen by CAHMS before the real issues with school started. I've no doubt that this gradually affected her sister who was also disturbed by an incident with a member of staff. I'm sure neither of them would consider themselves totally free from anxious thoughts and confidence issues and one of them is so indecisive she drives my wife mad, but to people who first meet them they come across as confident, personable girls.
As far as schoolwork goes, they've always been reasonably motivated to do well both in school (once they were in) and with homework. Again, this obviously helped with home educating them but I did stress, in no uncertain terms, that I would only consider taking them out of school if they worked hard at everything they were set. My wife and I had a 'good cop, bad cop' approach....still have.

Alexandra, I think it really depends where your son's school refusal stems from. I can only speak from our experiences but I really had to have assurances from our daughters that they would do the work should we agree to home school them. You don't need to follow an 'acedemic' route as long as you are providing a full time education 'suitable to his age ability and aptitude' as we were told. The gentleman who visited us each year looked at the work that was done and talked to the girls and us about how things were progressing. we then received a report after a few days which assessed the following:

Work seen/evidence presented
Discussion with student
Discussion with parent
Access to appropriate resources
Recommendations
Assessment - This was judged as:
Exceeds Expectations
Satisfactory
Pending
Some Concerns
Serious concerns
Non engagement

I hope this doesn't sound too daunting, your local education welfare dept may do things differently. I hope whatever you decide to do works out well.

Good luck to everyone.
Rob

Hi Rob

Since deregistering at the end of June we have heard nothing from the LEA. Some local home educators on the local Yahoo site have mentioned that they have had recent contact so maybe we'll hear something soon. To be honest I'm not too worried as our LEA seem to be a lot more relaxed than some. Copied below is an extract from their website



Are Any Subjects Compulsory?
There are none, the National Curriculum applies only to maintained schools. You may
wish to take account of the fact that the National Curriculum specified the following
subjects for key stages one, two and three:
English; Mathematics; Science; Technology; History; Geography; Art/Music; P.E.
Religious Education (where appropriate) A Foreign Language (secondary age)
Even in primary schools these subjects are often taught through integrated and whole curriculum methods and this information is provided to help you plan out how you wish
to educate your child, not direct any particular method of teaching
What YOU teach and how your child learns is up to you provided that that the education is suitable, efficient and full time. There is no one form of education, children learn in many ways, and at many different times and speeds, and from different people.




There are lot of people in this area who aren't following the structured route but my two girls I think like a bit of structure.

Really interesting reading all of this, my son is 11 and has autism. He is terrified of going to school and I have had to use force to be him to school for the last 18 months, it has been terrible. I have been seriously thinking of home ed in the last year . He wold love me to home ed him and this post has reassured me that if things become bad then I have another option.

Hi Alison
Sounds like you have a more understanding LEA. As I remember now I actually went on other LEA websites when we wanted to find out about home learning as there was nothing on ours.
We were made aware that we didn't need to follow a structured curriculum but, much like you, we thought it best not just for the girls but for us as well.
I think this might be helpful if children plan to someday return to education e.g. college or perhaps take GCSEs at a later date.

Hi everyone,
We are Rob's twin daughters Sophie and Emma. Our dad told us that he had written a post about our past with being home tutored, and we are both more than happy to share our thoughts on our experience. I think he has covered most occurrences (Thanks for being so nice about us Dad!) in great detail and has only left out our personal take on the whole situation back from when we only very young.

The Beginning - Primary School
Emma's experience

I suffered with OCD and parent seperation (towards our mum) even before the school process started. It all ranged from checking lights and taps, to having to kiss my mum a certain amount of times to ensure that she would be safe. When i started school the thought of leaving my mum was almost unbearable and so i did almost everything to stay with her, including running out of school, clinging onto her leg, and fighting against teachers that restrained me from finishing my routine of a proper goodbye which would have settled me rather than making me even more unstable. The loss of control over things i found so important to me often made my time at home stressful for the upcoming day at school. This was because i knew i would have to go through the same thing the next day at school and times in which i was happy became less and far between. I felt really depressed and my battle in home life with my struggles against mental health only deepened this misery. By year 5 however, i had started to become slightly better and confident in my home life, although the fear was never gone. This was untill Sophie and myself were betrayed by a member of staff and by year 6 Sophie had fallen into depression and so there was another problem. My problems, strangely enough had never been better and so although it was hard, i had a half normal last year of primary school with relapses only when Soph was struggling.

Year 5- Year 6 - Primary School
Sophie's experience.

After year 5's little hiccup in my very peaceful childhood, (other than my sister calling down the stairs almost thirty times some nights to ask for anything such as changing her pyjamas) i suppose it was my turn for a dramatic change of events. After being let down by a staff member of the school it all went downhill. To begin with i was totally fine returning to school, however, in year 6 this changed when i had a new male teacher. Although we both had a great laugh with each other, the other students began to notice and often joked i was teachers pet which gradually made me feel uncomfortable. Before i knew it i was running away from school with my sister and locking myself in toilets and soon became school phobic, all from a little incident that soon played with my mind and wrecked what had been a normal life being the 'normal' twin. After feeling exhausted constantly, a year later i was soon told i had been depressed with what had only started with me feeling under the weather before being unable to get off the settee for long periods of time. Normal occurrences became chores and even on my birthday a walk around the park was the most exciting thing i could manage. I thought this had all changed when i was able to complete an induction day at secondary school but i was wrong.

Secondary School-

In summary, Soph did not last anymore than a couple of hours on her first day and Emma only managed a few months before we both had succumbed to our earlier problems and eventually our parents told us that with our cooperation, they would home tutor us.

HomeTutored-

We both found it extremely easy to be motivated, especially as our only other option was school and this was something that we would do anything to avoid. Although we moaned and groaned so much at our dad for his relentless attempts at getting our attention to go over our work and to pull us up over the slightest mistakes, we are extremely grateful to both our parents for their continued support and allowing us a way out of that horrible environment. By year 11 we had both achieved high marks in all three GCSE's that we had taken and are both looking forward to starting college in the next couple of weeks. It is unbelievable to think about how we once were compared to us now. We went from only having a couple of friends to having multiple and also other people we were well known with. Luckily for us, as we are identical twins we soon become the attraction of nearly all outings and both have a sense of humour which returned to us after so long, and which now enables us to interact with all groups/types of people. We now have enough friends to be out everyday much to our parents dismay at their current 'Taxi' status. We are sure they prefer the new us to how we once were though!! We are both really excited to go back into an environment with people our own age to see if we can still be the 'popular' twins we once were in our good times at primary school. One good thing is we are now known as being a good laugh rather than being stereotyped under mental health which both of us felt tied down by.

Alison, we hope our success story will help your twins to know that they are very lucky to have each other (We are so close and use each other as a support). We're sure that in time, and through meeting new people, their experience will not define them and they will have a great future (the majority of people we know have no clue why we are not at school and are not phased by it at all, it's almost a novelty). In no way are we saying that the worries ever leave you, as the fear of not being able to do something is always there, such as college. But we both now feel we are in charge of our lives and it's upto us where our lives lead. We found it really helpful to lean on each other and after around 5 years, have started to lead seperate lives whilst having a bond that only twins know.

In our avatar is a picture of us at a recent friends birthday party, hopefully you can see that we are happy. ( Emma is left, Sophie on the right)

Thank you so much for sharing your stories, Emma and Sophie! It really does help others. I have let my son read your post.
In terms of privacy - I presume you don't mind that your names and photo are on here? If you have second thoughts on that one - can you let me know as I oversee the site on behalf of Simon at the moment and can have your post adjusted accordingly.

You are both very brave and have come an awful long way. It sounds like if you had stayed at school - non of this confidence would have evolved. I hope you continue to do well and having learnt from your experience - go out into the world a lot stronger than some kids who have in fact not needed these life skills because they have been sheltered by the school system! You have learnt life skills by fighting through your anxiety and controlling it as best you can.
And again - thank you so much for having the courage to share with us parents - it really is good to read the other side and especially from those like yourselves who have had a battle and made it through.
I kept wondering why your names sounded familiar - the famous Thompson sisters!
If you have any advice for those still trying to get through school (not having the option of home ed) - would love to hear.
All the best,
Linda

Well if ever there was a wonderful example for home education these two beautiful, lovely girls Emma and Sophie are it. No wonder you are so proud of them. My two girls have read your posts and are really touched that you have taken the time to write this. It only goes to prove that school certainly isn't the right place for everyone.

Girls - thank you so much for taking the time to give such an insight into your experience. Good luck at college. I am sure you will excel and be happy. You have much to be proud of. Reading about your descent into depression is painfully close to home. My girls have suffered so much over the years. I only wish I'd taken this route years ago but at least we've done it now. Starting work with the kids this Thursday - wish me luck. Thank you again.

I can see this thread inspiring a lot of people down the home education route.

Just a brief update... Sophie and Emma are now on the second week of college and loving it. They've made some new friends and seem to like their tutors. They've done all their first assignments before most of their classmates have started, but that's just the way they deal with things so that's no bad thing.
Fingers crossed their problems are behind them - at least as far as education goes. I've told them I'm not doing Home College...
I hope everyone out there is having a good start to September!
Rob